JillQ
15-01-14, 15:36
Hi
Ive rejoined this group after a good few years. I have been agoraphobic 10 yrs and lived a life of reclusiveness. Last year I started to recover and pretty much Ive recovered now. I dont know how, I just have. Now I want to be out and not in. Its like I have 10 years catching up to do.
Last May I met a lovely guy who listened to me go on about my illness and the fact that Id just been diagnosed with diabetes too. He was very helpful and encouraged me to get a part time job too. I did that and am waiting to start it subject to police checks.
He then told me his wife had died last Feb. Not even a year ago yet. He was in the depths of grieving. We became councellors to each other. By the October I had managed to fall for him. I told him at xmas about my feelings as he seemed so depressed at the time, saying he wanted to quit his job etc. Unfortunately, he couldnt give anything back to me because he never wanted to go through that experience again. His wife was only 45 and died of heart failure very suddenly. She had been bi-polar and was insulin dependant. I think this is why he seemed to handle me so easily. So having witnessed her death at home the trauma had put him off another loving relationship. It was too early for him anyway.
We met whilst chatting on a local field walking our dogs. We would spend anything from an hour to three hours in the summer months with each other. We got to know each other pretty well. However, I never saw him much over xmas due to the floodings etc and when we finally did return to our local field he was aloof. It was as if he had never met me. He smiled at me but never came over like he always did. I would walk to him while he was chatting with other dog walkers. I had booked him for the 11 Jan before xmas to take me out somewhere as it was my birthday on the 4th and he couldnt make that week. After xmas I wondered if the date still stood. I beat myself up over the fact he didnt want to know me anymore and I was so looking forward to going out again.
Well, he did turn up and we did go out and it was all lovely. He treated me to lunch and we walked the dogs in a lovely country park. It all went well and he dropped me off after about 5 hours. That was the Saturday. On the Monday he was back on the local field but hardly said a word to me. I wanted to chat about Sat but he wasnt interested.
I have devoted a good 9 months to this guy, listening to his troubles and helping him with his grieving. Listening to him talking of his wife etc. At first, he was listening to me and helping me but since I found out about the wife dying I shut up about me. It seemed trivial.
Id love to be with him romantically but I dont know how to deal with people. Its all new to me. I cut off from everyone during my suffering. I lived alone and only had the computer to talk with people. I never went out.
I told a friend about this relationship and she just said maybe he doesnt fancy you enough. That made me feel like pooh. I just dont have the confidence to think that may be the case. I need some advice on how to deal with this awkward situation and so soon after feeling well again. All I want is a life now!
Ive rejoined this group after a good few years. I have been agoraphobic 10 yrs and lived a life of reclusiveness. Last year I started to recover and pretty much Ive recovered now. I dont know how, I just have. Now I want to be out and not in. Its like I have 10 years catching up to do.
Last May I met a lovely guy who listened to me go on about my illness and the fact that Id just been diagnosed with diabetes too. He was very helpful and encouraged me to get a part time job too. I did that and am waiting to start it subject to police checks.
He then told me his wife had died last Feb. Not even a year ago yet. He was in the depths of grieving. We became councellors to each other. By the October I had managed to fall for him. I told him at xmas about my feelings as he seemed so depressed at the time, saying he wanted to quit his job etc. Unfortunately, he couldnt give anything back to me because he never wanted to go through that experience again. His wife was only 45 and died of heart failure very suddenly. She had been bi-polar and was insulin dependant. I think this is why he seemed to handle me so easily. So having witnessed her death at home the trauma had put him off another loving relationship. It was too early for him anyway.
We met whilst chatting on a local field walking our dogs. We would spend anything from an hour to three hours in the summer months with each other. We got to know each other pretty well. However, I never saw him much over xmas due to the floodings etc and when we finally did return to our local field he was aloof. It was as if he had never met me. He smiled at me but never came over like he always did. I would walk to him while he was chatting with other dog walkers. I had booked him for the 11 Jan before xmas to take me out somewhere as it was my birthday on the 4th and he couldnt make that week. After xmas I wondered if the date still stood. I beat myself up over the fact he didnt want to know me anymore and I was so looking forward to going out again.
Well, he did turn up and we did go out and it was all lovely. He treated me to lunch and we walked the dogs in a lovely country park. It all went well and he dropped me off after about 5 hours. That was the Saturday. On the Monday he was back on the local field but hardly said a word to me. I wanted to chat about Sat but he wasnt interested.
I have devoted a good 9 months to this guy, listening to his troubles and helping him with his grieving. Listening to him talking of his wife etc. At first, he was listening to me and helping me but since I found out about the wife dying I shut up about me. It seemed trivial.
Id love to be with him romantically but I dont know how to deal with people. Its all new to me. I cut off from everyone during my suffering. I lived alone and only had the computer to talk with people. I never went out.
I told a friend about this relationship and she just said maybe he doesnt fancy you enough. That made me feel like pooh. I just dont have the confidence to think that may be the case. I need some advice on how to deal with this awkward situation and so soon after feeling well again. All I want is a life now!