Fishmanpa
15-01-14, 15:44
Other than cancer, I haven't been sick for over a year. The last cold/sinus/bug I had was August of 2012 when this whole cancer thing started.
I was good until a couple of days ago when on Sunday night while eating dinner my throat hurt to swallow. Immediately I thought WTF is that?! I haven't felt that kind of discomfort/pain in ages! I began to stress a bit as I'm 9 months out and have 15 more months until I pass the two year mark. My type of cancer has a 50/50 chance of returning within two years. So yep... anxiety levels went up, heart quickened a bit and the mind began to wonder. "Could this be the beginning of the end? I can't do that treatment again! I don't need this shit!" And on and on for a couple of hours. No, I didn't Google. No need to. I know what to look for. I began to rationalize all the reasons it wasn't the cancer returning and resolved to call the doctor if it persisted more than a few days....
I have good days and not so good days all the time. I wasn't feeling all that great on Sunday anyway so I rationalized that it was just one of those not so good days. I ended up falling asleep early that night and awoke Monday still feeling pretty yuck. Then it hit me. Itchy feeling in my nose and then the sneezing. By Noon I was in a full blown cold! The first bug I've gotten since cancer. What I hadn't anticipated was how my body would react. Pre-cancer, I would have a day or so of feeling lousy, runny nose etc. but I was always able to fight through it with OTC remedies. This time? Damn! I got hit by a truck. It's not the flu as I've had my shot and I don't have a fever but OMG! I stayed home from work yesterday and slept the majority of it.
Today, while I'm still feeling kinda yucky, I'm over the hump. I'll be fine. I see my team of doctors on Feb. 18th and I have the feeling all will be well. I'll still have some "scanxiety" the week before but I manage that well.
I posted this to show you that even those without anxiety have their moments and even a few moments to be honest :) Just like Tanner and Kate posted, I used my "tools" to prevent myself from getting too carried away with things. Quite honestly, I don't have the patience nor time for that. There's too much to do and too much living to live to get bogged down with worry ;) I do hope that this gives you a perspective you can glean from. I use the CBT that's available here. It's helpful as an everyday life tool. I don't need all the wrenches and screwdrivers but I do use the hammer and chisel occasionally ;)
Positive thoughts
I was good until a couple of days ago when on Sunday night while eating dinner my throat hurt to swallow. Immediately I thought WTF is that?! I haven't felt that kind of discomfort/pain in ages! I began to stress a bit as I'm 9 months out and have 15 more months until I pass the two year mark. My type of cancer has a 50/50 chance of returning within two years. So yep... anxiety levels went up, heart quickened a bit and the mind began to wonder. "Could this be the beginning of the end? I can't do that treatment again! I don't need this shit!" And on and on for a couple of hours. No, I didn't Google. No need to. I know what to look for. I began to rationalize all the reasons it wasn't the cancer returning and resolved to call the doctor if it persisted more than a few days....
I have good days and not so good days all the time. I wasn't feeling all that great on Sunday anyway so I rationalized that it was just one of those not so good days. I ended up falling asleep early that night and awoke Monday still feeling pretty yuck. Then it hit me. Itchy feeling in my nose and then the sneezing. By Noon I was in a full blown cold! The first bug I've gotten since cancer. What I hadn't anticipated was how my body would react. Pre-cancer, I would have a day or so of feeling lousy, runny nose etc. but I was always able to fight through it with OTC remedies. This time? Damn! I got hit by a truck. It's not the flu as I've had my shot and I don't have a fever but OMG! I stayed home from work yesterday and slept the majority of it.
Today, while I'm still feeling kinda yucky, I'm over the hump. I'll be fine. I see my team of doctors on Feb. 18th and I have the feeling all will be well. I'll still have some "scanxiety" the week before but I manage that well.
I posted this to show you that even those without anxiety have their moments and even a few moments to be honest :) Just like Tanner and Kate posted, I used my "tools" to prevent myself from getting too carried away with things. Quite honestly, I don't have the patience nor time for that. There's too much to do and too much living to live to get bogged down with worry ;) I do hope that this gives you a perspective you can glean from. I use the CBT that's available here. It's helpful as an everyday life tool. I don't need all the wrenches and screwdrivers but I do use the hammer and chisel occasionally ;)
Positive thoughts