Frightened its coming back

[Emma86]

Hey guys, haven't posted on here for a while. Was trying to avoid anything to do with anxiety and pretend I don't have it (yeah right). So I had my last therapy session June 2013 and I've been doing really well. Went from not being able to walk 2 mins up the road without a panic attack to getting on the train by myself to visit my boyfriend, the journey was an hour. All has been well until yesterday.
Was walking up the school to pick my daughter up, walking back out with her this wave of horrible feelings came over me, completely out the blue. I felt light headed, hot, heart racing, shallow breathing, yes a panic attack was coming. I surprised myself by stopping it, 12 years of panic attacks on and off and I have the power to control them! Still not ideal, I'd rather not have them at all. Anyway, it was all over in 2 mins. I was shaky and the rest of the walk home was uncomfortable. I got home and cried. I felt a failure. I always feel so awful after a panic attack.
I picked myself up and said it was a set back, they will happen. Carry on. So took my daughter to school this morning, all was fine. Walked to work (I work lunchtime at the school) walking there, exactly the same! Panic. Again I suppressed it and it went away, I just had a anxious shift at work. Calmed myself down and the walk home was fine.
Why now is this happening again? There has been no trigger, nothing has happened in my life, nothing has changed. I fear it will always be like this. I'll be fine for months then it will come back and I have to keep building myself back up again. Its exhausting. Anyone going through the same?
Any advice. I feel so down again now and I have to pick my daughter up from school soon and I'm dreading the walk there. I cant keep going through this :(

[clare_201086]

go to the doctor and tell them they could give u meds x

[Emma86]

I'm already on meds, been on propranolol for 4 years now.

[MrAndy]

have you had any counselling,maybe you need to speak to sombody who understands
if you beat it before you can again

[Fishmanpa]

The Dragon has been asleep in his cave for a while and decided to stretch his wings eh? From what I understand, that's pretty normal and there will be minor occurrences from time time to time. Remember, you're "healed" but not "cured".
As frightening and disappointing as it was for you, obviously your treatment served you well as you're totally rational about it in your post and recognize it for what it really is... a minor glitch.

Andy's advice is sound. Perhaps a chat with your doctor or therapist, an adjustment in your meds or both is in order. Throw some water in the Dragon's mouth and put him back in his cave ;)

Positive thoughts

[maryhig]

Hi Emma,

I know exactly how you are feeling, I suffer the same. You are being very strong.

It is hard, and when that panic hits you it is on your mind. It is like you forget all about it and then it happens and then suddenly it is on your mind again and you can't remember how you forgot it last time it just seemed to go away. The best thing I would recommend is to try to pin-point what is making you anxious. Look past the panic of walking outside, that is not the trigger, that is just the result.

Maybe you are a bit tired, maybe something has changed at home, maybe you are even just on the time of month. It could be anything. Once you understand the trigger suddenly it puts the panic into perspective.

I would not worry about it. I do not think you will panic again, and you have certainly not relapsed. Think of it as a frequency, the more times you walk to work or school and the times you overcome the panic, the panic gets less. Eventually on the walk you will not panic anymore. Don't lose perspective on the fact that you walk that route all the time, and it has not happened for a long time, you feel safe on that route, leave the house with that in mind.

You tell yourself you are a strong lady, and you can do anything! You have overcome this before and you overcome it every time. It is just a horrid feeling because something is making you feel insecure. :)

Good luck on the walk tomorrow! :) xx

[NE21 worrier]

Hi Emma,

It's a rubbish fact of life that difficulties and anxieties will always exist, but the bigger an issue you make of it, the worse you will feel. As Fishmanpa has written, your post is a rational overview of the events which shows that this is nothing more than a horrible little glitch.

Just got to remember that you've beaten this once, twice, maybe hundreds of times before - and you shall beat it again!

Best wishes,
Peter :)

[shakey1961]

Do you eat enough through the day? What you're describing could also be the symptoms of a hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar) episode. I used to get them and they can feel dreadful.

Do you feel dizzy / drunk quickly? Come over all sweaty for no reason, heart races, legs weak, shaking and trembling?

The reason a "hypo" feels like anxiety/panic is because your body pumps adrenalin into your bloodstream to keep you conscious. And we all know how adrenalin works in panic.

I was put on Propanolol for a very short time - it didn't work for me, and after visiting my GP I was told it can make your blood sugar drop!

Always keep to hand something sugary. Dextrosol tablets, chocolate, sugary drink which MUST NOT BE A DIET DRINK. Nothing with artificial sweetner as this WILL NOT bring your sugar levels back up.

If you get one of these episodes again have some sugar. It's not going to do you any harm and it may help you.

I'd be interested to know how you go on, please keep us posted.

[mandie]

Hi Emma

Hope you are feeling ok now. Its just a blip. That's what I tell myself when it happens to me. I try not to give it too much attention although I know this is hard not to!

I never understand why it comes back for no real reason. Its been doing this to me on and off for ages

mandie x

[Emma86]

Thank you for all the replies :) much appreciated. I expect little blips and times like this I just forget how frightening the feeling is! What someone said about once its happened again its on your mind, so true. Its always happened to me, no matter what the trigger, I always and only panic when I'm out, away from home. I then get into a horrible cycle of not wanting to leave the house because I will have a panic attack when its not the outside that's causing it in the first place.
I was really tired yesterday and without much detail have had some changes with what I use for contraception. My body is adjusting to that, I'm also a little stressed with a small child and money issues. It all builds up I suppose and I'm sensitive to everything!
I think because I didn't have anything on my mind at the time, it just happened from nowhere is what threw me off and made me worry that it can just crop up at anytime! I picked my daughter up fine today, I walked home with a friend which was a nice distraction :) Lets see how tomorrow goes, roll on the weekend to relax!
Oh and also with the propranolol, yes it does lower blood sugar levels! I've nearly fainted from sitting in the hairdressers for too long! I do eat little and often. I take a small dose a day just to keep my heart rate down as it is quite high anyway.