View Full Version : I never seem to feel happy in a relationship...
GirlAfraid23
17-01-14, 14:56
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years in May. We have had our ups and downs but I am getting concerned as I feel as though I will never be entirely happy.
I feel like such an awful person, but I'm always looking for something "more", some "excitement" almost as if I need some escapism.
He's such a steady, reliable man and he has a very good job and I know he would never leave me.
However, it never seems enough. The spark isn't as strong as it was when we first started going out together but is that normal after 5 years or more?
I struggle with the concept of staying with one person for the rest of my life. I have never and would never cheat on him but this feeling is eating me up.
I've recently met someone online and although we are just friends, we have so much in common and I'm starting to feel something for him. I know it's probably all fantasy and in reality I am better off with my current boyfriend but I feel there is a real lack of excitement.
I have extreme ideas and expectations of what love and relationships are I think. I blame the amount of fictional literature I read.
This has happened in the past during previous relationships. So I'm worried I will never be truly happy and spend my life searching for "the one".
Rachy-Rach
17-01-14, 19:06
There is a saying "The grass is always greener on the other side." However, if you tend to your own lawn it can be just as green.
At the end of the day you're not married. If it's not working then you are free to leave. There's nothing worse than being with the wrong person. However, is it you that needs to spice things up a bit? It doesn't have to be drastic. But having dinner at a nice restaurant, preparing a special candle lit dinner, making something together. If it's really not working then sure, walk away. If you were happy you wouldn't look at anyone else. Frankly meeting someone online is deceitful. But once you say you're unhappy it's difficult to take it back
GirlAfraid23
17-01-14, 19:12
There is a saying "The grass is always greener on the other side." However, if you tend to your own lawn it can be just as green.
At the end of the day you're not married. If it's not working then you are free to leave. There's nothing worse than being with the wrong person. However, is it you that needs to spice things up a bit? It doesn't have to be drastic. But having dinner at a nice restaurant, preparing a special candle lit dinner, making something together. If it's really not working then sure, walk away. If you were happy you wouldn't look at anyone else. Frankly meeting someone online is deceitful. But once you say you're unhappy it's difficult to take it back
Do you think it's deceitful just to talk to someone online though? I'm not taking things any further and wouldn't until or if I broke off with my current relationship first.
I also think that everyone looks elsewhere at some point, no matter how good the relationship is.
The majority won't act on it, but it's human nature to look sometimes. Oh and I didn't go looking for this person online, I just started talking to them by chance as we have similar interests.
I always think about life and death and how short life is. I'm scared I'm going to be on my death bed with lots of regrets and I can't deal with that.
I don't quite understand why you would meet up with someone online you haven't met before? People usually do that for dates, and if you already have friends and a boyfriend I can't see the reasoning. Sorry to hone in on one point...
GirlAfraid23
17-01-14, 19:46
I don't quite understand why you would meet up with someone online you haven't met before? People usually do that for dates, and if you already have friends and a boyfriend I can't see the reasoning. Sorry to hone in on one point...
I haven't met him.
And as we have a unique music taste in common, he asked me to go to a gig with him but not as a date.
I'm not going though.
Not everything is black and white anyway. And I don't think there is just ONE person for everyone, I feel you can meet lots of people in your lifetime and they can affect you.
Oh ok. "Meet" and "meet up" are so similar but so different! But then you say you feel things for him? But you haven't met him? I don't quite understand the online world.
I would be careful with things like that, if my boyfriend (imaginary) had seen me chatting away to a lad online about music I think it would worry him a little. Then he would act distant etc. When people start "acting distant" as I've heard so often before things are going down.
Very good post by Rach...she's right, you've said you're unhappy and that means...well you've said it! Your post does imply that you aren't happy with things, if that is exactly what's happening in your head. Only you know how you feel about a person, and I don't believe it is natural to look elsewhere in a happy relationship. You should always be attracted to your man.
harasgenster
17-01-14, 20:32
Maybe it would help to explain what you think is so unrealistic? What is it that you want you think you can't have? I thought I was being unrealistic to expect certain things from my relationship so I stayed in it, but actually I should have expected more!
I was in a very similar situation until recently (although I hadn't met anyone else) and for us it was best for me to leave because things weren't going to change.
Relationships should be fun, though, regardless of how long they have been going on. If the fun is gone, then maybe consider what would make it fun again and talk to your boyfriend. In fact, if you haven't yet, I think it would be a great idea to talk to your boyfriend anyway! Tell him you've been concerned about the way the relationship is going, perhaps he is also feeling concerned, and maybe you can come up with ways together of improving things.
Or, if you'd rather just leave, well think about why you're doing it first. If you're doing it because you don't feel like you're getting what you need from your relationship and you don't think it's something that can be changed, that's the right reason.
Also, just to add, I don't think you've done anything wrong by speaking to other people online when you're not actually flirting with them or cheating. My ex has always spoken to other women online (just swapping jokes on Twitter, usually people he's never met) and although I don't have any friendships with people I've never met, I am of course friends with other men. It's important to be able to trust each other to talk to the opposite sex.
Do you think it's deceitful just to talk to someone online though? I'm not taking things any further and wouldn't until or if I broke off with my current relationship first.
If they're not aware of it then...Absolutely and without a doubt YES!
I also think that everyone looks elsewhere at some point, no matter how good the relationship is.
Not true!!!
The majority won't act on it, but it's human nature to look sometimes.
No it isn't!!
Oh and I didn't go looking for this person online, I just started talking to them by chance as we have similar interests. I always think about life and death and how short life is. I'm scared I'm going to be on my death bed with lots of regrets and I can't deal with that.
You're justifying your behavior.
If you're unhappy then break it off. It's the only "right" thing to do. I've been on the opposite end of infidelity several times in my life. There is nothing so painful and hurts more to the core of your heart than being cheated on. And straying from your S/O, even virtually, IS cheating! You've already done it in your mind. It hurts just as much to read an email or a chat conversation believe me!
Positive thoughts
harasgenster
17-01-14, 20:53
Bit uncomfortable with this....can we remember that this person has not been unfaithful?
If there's one thing that perpetuates anxiety it's telling someone that they can have "wrong" thoughts.
She hasn't done anything wrong, she has noticed someone else and is wondering whether it's because her relationship is not going so well. It probably is because her relationship isn't great, but that doesn't mean it's not fixable. We're all human, and I think it is human to notice other options when your relationship starts to go stale. There are still two ways to go with this: either leaving the boyfriend or recognising there is something wrong and working on it until the relationship goes back to the way it was.
The OP did not suggest she was flirting with this person online or planning to have an affair. She is simply talking to him, she can't actually help if she starts to wonder whether she would be happier with a different person than the person she is with.
Antonio2301
17-01-14, 21:25
It`s definitely NOT natural to look elsewhere .. I would find it very disrespectful in a relationship to start flirting about online or elsewhere with other women and meeting up behind their back .Yes that's coming from a male , we are not all the same as some women seem to think . I`d know it was time to call it a day if that happened and move on.
I`m a single man now (18 months) and free to meet who ever I want , would I meet up with a married women or a someone who has a partner even if I got close to them online ? NO !! You`re asking for trouble getting involved in this sort of thing online
Try as Rach posted to sort things out with your partner and get that spark in your relationship and don`t ruin for the sake off an online thing with someone you don`t even know If he knows you have a partner then he wants to have a bit of respect for himself and go find himself a single woman
I`m sorry to sound like this and you say it would only be a meet up as friends but you have both obviously grown close to each other online ,will it end there though ? It`s your decision though but just think twice about what your doing and hope you make the right decision
Ant
---------- Post added at 21:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:54 ----------
Bit uncomfortable with this....can we remember that this person has not been unfaithful?
If there's one thing that perpetuates anxiety it's telling someone that they can have "wrong" thoughts.
She hasn't done anything wrong, she has noticed someone else and is wondering whether it's because her relationship is not going so well. It probably is because her relationship isn't great, but that doesn't mean it's not fixable. We're all human, and I think it is human to notice other options when your relationship starts to go stale. There are still two ways to go with this: either leaving the boyfriend or recognising there is something wrong and working on it until the relationship goes back to the way it was.
The OP did not suggest she was flirting with this person online or planning to have an affair. She is simply talking to him, she can't actually help if she starts to wonder whether she would be happier with a different person than the person she is with.
Ok fair point the OP didn't say she was flirting about or having an affair no but one thing can lead to another , however if you have to start questioning your relationship as to whether it would be happier with a different partner then its time to move on . If you're happy it wouldn`t even enter your head to start thinking about someone else .. ??
GirlAfraid23
17-01-14, 21:40
Thanks for the answers guys.
The whole thing is making me anxious. I don't know if it's because I'm at that stage in my life (mid twenties) when everyone is starting to settle down, have kids, get married etc. I don't currently live with my partner but he wants us to move out. So maybe it's just all over whelming me a little and I'm looking for some form of escapism. I am not trying to justify my behaviour (although I've done nothing wrong) or justify any type of cheating. I wouldn't cheat, if I felt like I was going to then I would break it off with my current boyfriend first.
I've never been "normal" about relationships and life in general. Anxiety plays a big part in that.
---------- Post added at 21:32 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------
Bit uncomfortable with this....can we remember that this person has not been unfaithful?
If there's one thing that perpetuates anxiety it's telling someone that they can have "wrong" thoughts.
She hasn't done anything wrong, she has noticed someone else and is wondering whether it's because her relationship is not going so well. It probably is because her relationship isn't great, but that doesn't mean it's not fixable. We're all human, and I think it is human to notice other options when your relationship starts to go stale. There are still two ways to go with this: either leaving the boyfriend or recognising there is something wrong and working on it until the relationship goes back to the way it was.
The OP did not suggest she was flirting with this person online or planning to have an affair. She is simply talking to him, she can't actually help if she starts to wonder whether she would be happier with a different person than the person she is with.
Thanks for this, it translates into exactly what I've been thinking.
---------- Post added at 21:34 ---------- Previous post was at 21:32 ----------
It`s definitely NOT natural to look elsewhere .. I would find it very disrespectful in a relationship to start flirting about online or elsewhere with other women and meeting up behind their back .Yes that's coming from a male , we are not all the same as some women seem to think . I`d know it was time to call it a day if that happened and move on.
I`m a single man now (18 months) and free to meet who ever I want , would I meet up with a married women or a someone who has a partner even if I got close to them online ? NO !! You`re asking for trouble getting involved in this sort of thing online
Try as Rach posted to sort things out with your partner and get that spark in your relationship and don`t ruin for the sake off an online thing with someone you don`t even know If he knows you have a partner then he wants to have a bit of respect for himself and go find himself a single woman
I`m sorry to sound like this and you say it would only be a meet up as friends but you have both obviously grown close to each other online ,will it end there though ? It`s your decision though but just think twice about what your doing and hope you make the right decision
Ant
---------- Post added at 21:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:54 ----------
Ok fair point the OP didn't say she was flirting about or having an affair no but one thing can lead to another , however if you have to start questioning your relationship as to whether it would be happier with a different partner then its time to move on . If you're happy it wouldn`t even enter your head to start thinking about someone else .. ??
Sorry but I don't agree, people in all relationships have ups and downs and during the "downs" or when people are feeling trapped or scared. They do occasionally look elsewhere. Why are there so many people who cheat or meet someone else and go off with them?
I'm not saying it's right, but it happens.
---------- Post added at 21:40 ---------- Previous post was at 21:34 ----------
I think for me I crave that feeling at the start of a relationship, the excitement, the butterflies, the spark.
So I'm really afraid that I will never been entirely content in a steady relationship :( I feel like such a crazy person.
Antonio2301
17-01-14, 22:08
Thanks for the answers guys.
The whole thing is making me anxious. I don't know if it's because I'm at that stage in my life (mid twenties) when everyone is starting to settle down, have kids, get married etc. I don't currently live with my partner but he wants us to move out. So maybe it's just all over whelming me a little and I'm looking for some form of escapism. I am not trying to justify my behaviour (although I've done nothing wrong) or justify any type of cheating. I wouldn't cheat, if I felt like I was going to then I would break it off with my current boyfriend first.
I've never been "normal" about relationships and life in general. Anxiety plays a big part in that.
---------- Post added at 21:32 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------
Thanks for this, it translates into exactly what I've been thinking.
---------- Post added at 21:34 ---------- Previous post was at 21:32 ----------
Sorry but I don't agree, people in all relationships have ups and downs and during the "downs" or when people are feeling trapped or scared. They do occasionally look elsewhere. Why are there so many people who cheat or meet someone else and go off with them?
I'm not saying it's right, but it happens.
---------- Post added at 21:40 ---------- Previous post was at 21:34 ----------
I think for me I crave that feeling at the start of a relationship, the excitement, the butterflies, the spark.
So I'm really afraid that I will never been entirely content in a steady relationship :( I feel like such a crazy person.
Maybe when you meet the right person then ? .. I had the " excitement, the butterflies, the spark " after 9 years with a partner .. Unfortunately she had a drunken night in with a "male friend" whilst I was at work .. The rest is history as they say ..! so maybe a sore topic for me so I will leave this thread now but try to work things out with your partner , you obviously care about him and seem a bit confused in what you want to be posting this here .Only you can work it out and everyone is going to have a different opinion on this
Good luck and hope you make the right decision . Take care :bighug1:
GirlAfraid23
22-01-14, 19:19
I'm Still feeling very anxious about this issue.
I suppose I might have a little crush, despite having a long term boyfriend. But it seems a little odd throwing away a 4 nearly 5 year relationship on a crush that may or may not potentially come to anything. I don't even know if it is a crush, probably just a strange escapism or fantasy.
Honey
I've been here.
So, I met someone online, I'm married. So is he. We chatted, we talked all the time, things for me weren't right at home. We fell in love and we met. I had a full blown affair with a man I was infatuated with, was it love??? Yes it was, I fell in love with him. However the betrayal I felt towards my family has torn me apart. My anxiety is through the roof. I've never come clean and everyday the guilt hits me so hard in the stomach that it resides through my whole body. If I'm honest, I wasn't happy at home for years, I'd talked about it and was met with silence, my hubby didn't communicate with me well. I'd suggested marriage counselling and was told no. I had anxiety before the affair and my hubby dismissed it and told me I was 'silly'
Maybe the grass is greener but believe me if you do this.... The guilt will eat you up and it'll taint the greenness.
Anyway the affair made me realise what I have at home. It made me appreciate my home life and made me realise that I do infact love my husband.
I've also learnt that affairs and infidelity aren't all that uncommon! Sadly!
My advice is to work on your relationship now. Married or not you're in a commitment, I'll not judge you as I'm in no position but I urge you to not go through with this until you've resolved your current situation xxx
I hope this makes sense xxx
GirlAfraid23
23-01-14, 14:16
Honey
I've been here.
So, I met someone online, I'm married. So is he. We chatted, we talked all the time, things for me weren't right at home. We fell in love and we met. I had a full blown affair with a man I was infatuated with, was it love??? Yes it was, I fell in love with him. However the betrayal I felt towards my family has torn me apart. My anxiety is through the roof. I've never come clean and everyday the guilt hits me so hard in the stomach that it resides through my whole body. If I'm honest, I wasn't happy at home for years, I'd talked about it and was met with silence, my hubby didn't communicate with me well. I'd suggested marriage counselling and was told no. I had anxiety before the affair and my hubby dismissed it and told me I was 'silly'
Maybe the grass is greener but believe me if you do this.... The guilt will eat you up and it'll taint the greenness.
Anyway the affair made me realise what I have at home. It made me appreciate my home life and made me realise that I do infact love my husband.
I've also learnt that affairs and infidelity aren't all that uncommon! Sadly!
My advice is to work on your relationship now. Married or not you're in a commitment, I'll not judge you as I'm in no position but I urge you to not go through with this until you've resolved your current situation xxx
I hope this makes sense xxx
Yes it does make sense, I know lots of people have done similar things. And I'm not planning on doing anything with the person. If I did meet him it would only ever be as friends.
I'm not married so it wouldn't be classified as an "affair" as such but more a betrayal. I don't have any kids so no strings as such there.
I just don't want to end up with the wrong person. I can't put it into words really.
Did your husband find out in the end?
No I never told him. I can't imagine the hurt I'd cause him. I hate myself for what I've done, actually hate myself. I am a bad bad bad person and I don't deserve to be happy, the guilt inside me is like poison.
I've never learnt to forgive myself, don't know if I ever will, I'm the lowest of the low for doing that to him. I allowed myself to fall in love with another man and I took it all the way. I punish myself everyday and I always will. I'll be forever miserable for what I did x
---------- Post added at 15:01 ---------- Previous post was at 14:58 ----------
And believe me, before I did it.... If someone had have told me they'd have committed adultery, I'd have been disgusted and I'd have told them straight just how vile it was. It's like I don't recognise that person I was those years ago. Eats me up inside everyday. I leant my lesson. Never ever ever again and I'll always try and deter anyone else from making the same mistakes I made
No I never told him. I can't imagine the hurt I'd cause him. I hate myself for what I've done, actually hate myself. I am a bad bad bad person and I don't deserve to be happy, the guilt inside me is like poison.
I've never learnt to forgive myself, don't know if I ever will, I'm the lowest of the low for doing that to him. I allowed myself to fall in love with another man and I took it all the way. I punish myself everyday and I always will. I'll be forever miserable for what I did x
---------- Post added at 15:01 ---------- Previous post was at 14:58 ----------
And believe me, before I did it.... If someone had have told me they'd have committed adultery, I'd have been disgusted and I'd have told them straight just how vile it was. It's like I don't recognise that person I was those years ago. Eats me up inside everyday. I leant my lesson. Never ever ever again and I'll always try and deter anyone else from making the same mistakes I made
I happened to be on the tail end of betrayal in my life and it wasn't pretty. It took quite a long time to overcome the hurt and learn to trust again... years actually...
It's for that reason and the reasons WWW is saying that it's best to avoid the temptation all together... meeting "even as friends" can get cozy real fast and the next thing you know it's all blowing up in your face.
Positive thoughts and good luck!
I happened to be on the tail end of betrayal in my life and it wasn't pretty. It took quite a long time to overcome the hurt and learn to trust again... years actually...
It's for that reason and the reasons WWW is saying that it's best to avoid the temptation all together... meeting "even as friends" can get cozy real fast and the next thing you know it's all blowing up in your face.
Positive thoughts and good luck!
I wonder fishmanpa, was she as regretful as I am?
You're exactly right. I will always try to talk anybody out of making the same mistakes I made. I wouldn't wish this guilt on my worst enemy. I'm a pro at beating myself up and I just keep on going. It's guilt that keeps me here if I'm honest. I couldn't do that then abandon my family, that would be truly selfish. I don't believe I deserve happiness.
If you truly believe you're meeting as friends then tell your bf about it. If you don't want to tell him, them it's not all that innocent. Sorry of I sound harsh, I just can't bear the thought of another woman feeling this that I'm feeling xxx
---------- Post added at 16:28 ---------- Previous post was at 16:27 ----------
I cry everyday about it. 2 years on and I'm still crying over it. Wishing you all the luck in the world xxx
WWW: what's done is done, you can't turn the clock back. You made a mistake and you regret it but you need to start learning to forgive yourself now.
WWW: what's done is done, you can't turn the clock back. You made a mistake and you regret it but you need to start learning to forgive yourself now.
Very very kind of you to say so. I've never told a soul about what I did, that's the first time. I don't think I ever will forgive myself, I think that's my karma knowing I'll carry the guilt forever. Urghhh who wants to be a grown up eh xxx
GirlAfraid23
23-01-14, 17:30
I'm sure I have some type of undiagnosed personality disorder as I am a very "all or nothing" person. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and time is moving so fast that I feel the need to find some form of escapism. I want to go back to being young and having no responsibilities. It's so hard to put into words, I feel as though life is too short to waste and when an opportunity presents itself I should just go for it.
I'm talking rubbish most probably and "why why why", I feel so sad for you. But at least you realised your mistake. You need to move on from it now. How did you end it with the online person if you don't mind me asking?
Through lots of tears and a heavy heart, I knew it couldn't go on as I'd tear my family apart. Jesus I couldn't cope with that kind of guilt.
If I really concentrate and go back to the time it happened, I had an unhappy homelife and I found escape elsewhere, I found a man who treated me how I felt I needed to be treated at the time. My husband was aware our marriage was in trouble yet ignored any signs and ignored my cries for help, refused counselling etc. I ended the affair and it was HELL, oh my god I missed him so much, I also felt tremendous guilt towards the other man for letting him down. I had never in my life felt so lonely as I did, somedays I had silly thoughts of ending it and when I came to my senses I'd realise how utterly ridiculous that'd be.
When I met him it started off very platonic, we connected on so much, we knew each others situations and we were both unhappy. We just clicked, it was like he was my escape and possibly I was his. We'd chat for hours and talk about everything from food, to music to interests to holidays and possible plans for the future. I ended it and in the process broke my heart and quite possibly his, I know he found it hard but I doubt hes found it as hard as me. We are still in touch every few months or so, a quick hi how are you text etc. nothing more as that is dangerous grounds. I won't lie, I miss him and I miss how he made me feel but I've made my decision and I must stick to it.
I also (very sad) check his facebook know n then, see that he's changed his pic to him and his other half and it makes me sad to see him with her, dreading the day I notice she is pregnant but it's inevitable. The grass isn't always greener, I'm sure it is at first with the excitement etc. I know though that if I were in your shoes and someone was giving me this advice at that time, I wouldn't have taken it because regardless of right and wrong I felt true feelings for him, I had to do it. I called it following my heart, I will forever wish I'd just followed my head. My only silver lining is that maybe, just maybe I'd never have realised what I have at home had I not have gone though all this
Sorry for going on. Have you made a decision?
Please feel free to ask me anything, it's like therapy talking about it and hopefully not being too strongly judged. Although believe me there is nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I am overall a terrible person and I don't deserve what I have, I only hope this IS my karma and it's not yet to come xx
GirlAfraid23
24-01-14, 16:17
Through lots of tears and a heavy heart, I knew it couldn't go on as I'd tear my family apart. Jesus I couldn't cope with that kind of guilt.
If I really concentrate and go back to the time it happened, I had an unhappy homelife and I found escape elsewhere, I found a man who treated me how I felt I needed to be treated at the time. My husband was aware our marriage was in trouble yet ignored any signs and ignored my cries for help, refused counselling etc. I ended the affair and it was HELL, oh my god I missed him so much, I also felt tremendous guilt towards the other man for letting him down. I had never in my life felt so lonely as I did, somedays I had silly thoughts of ending it and when I came to my senses I'd realise how utterly ridiculous that'd be.
When I met him it started off very platonic, we connected on so much, we knew each others situations and we were both unhappy. We just clicked, it was like he was my escape and possibly I was his. We'd chat for hours and talk about everything from food, to music to interests to holidays and possible plans for the future. I ended it and in the process broke my heart and quite possibly his, I know he found it hard but I doubt hes found it as hard as me. We are still in touch every few months or so, a quick hi how are you text etc. nothing more as that is dangerous grounds. I won't lie, I miss him and I miss how he made me feel but I've made my decision and I must stick to it.
I also (very sad) check his facebook know n then, see that he's changed his pic to him and his other half and it makes me sad to see him with her, dreading the day I notice she is pregnant but it's inevitable. The grass isn't always greener, I'm sure it is at first with the excitement etc. I know though that if I were in your shoes and someone was giving me this advice at that time, I wouldn't have taken it because regardless of right and wrong I felt true feelings for him, I had to do it. I called it following my heart, I will forever wish I'd just followed my head. My only silver lining is that maybe, just maybe I'd never have realised what I have at home had I not have gone though all this
Sorry for going on. Have you made a decision?
Please feel free to ask me anything, it's like therapy talking about it and hopefully not being too strongly judged. Although believe me there is nothing anyone can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I am overall a terrible person and I don't deserve what I have, I only hope this IS my karma and it's not yet to come xx
I have no idea what I'm going to do at the moment.
To be honest, I would like this person to be my friend. I'm not sure if I want anything more. I haven't even met him face to face. I would have to wait until then to make a proper decision.
Of course I love my boyfriend but I don't know if I'm "in love" with him anymore after 5 years.
I am such a mess at the moment, I'm not making any sense.
I think maybe the best course of action would be to spend some time apart from your BF to sort your head & feelings out. Whilst I don't agree with what you said - 'everyone looks elsewhere at some point', I do believe that through no fault of our own we are drawn & attacted to other people - it's natural. I've been there! It's the decisions we make that make all the difference though. I hope you make the right decision for you. Big hugs. xx
I have no idea what I'm going to do at the moment.
To be honest, I would like this person to be my friend. I'm not sure if I want anything more. I haven't even met him face to face. I would have to wait until then to make a proper decision.
Of course I love my boyfriend but I don't know if I'm "in love" with him anymore after 5 years.
I am such a mess at the moment, I'm not making any sense.
Please, if you ever feel like you need to chat then feel free to contact me. I'm never going to judge you whatever decision you make xxx
s.elsafadixo
28-01-17, 21:34
Hi,
I saw this post from google and I specifically made an account to respond to your post because I was in a similar situation where I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life (and my biggest regret). When I was younger I had a boyfriend lets call him Henry who was amazing to me, the way he thought of me was incredible and romantic. Henry would never leave I had this guy literally wrapped around my finger he did everything to make me happy. We shared every first together and we were inseparable. To this day I have never found someone who was better for me than Henry, or loved me more. I still love him. Three years down the road I started to feel bored and a bit unhappy, I thought that maybe there was someone out there better for me that could give me the excitement that I craved. So after months of my mind drifting and me being slightly unhappy I met someone else. At first it was just friends then it turned into a spark and I started having feelings for this person. All while I was in a relationship with the man I had been with for years. Shortly after though, my Henry found out and it completely broke his heart. It killed him. I immediately regretted the entire thing and woke up from this stupid mind set but it was too late. Henry was such a good guy though that he stayed with me for a few more months and I fell more in love with him then ever. I thought we were perfect and moved past the entire situation... but one day he left. With no explanation, no goodbye. I didn't hear from Henry for years, even though I tried every single day to reach out to him. I think I sent him about 5000 texts (I know I'm crazy).
A couple years down the road, a couple boys that never worked out and I met Henry again. We started as friends and it soon turned into a relationship. But he was never the same person to me or anyone else in his life. It breaks my heart because he has such a sweet soul and I damaged him. Im probably not doing this story justice because I'm a terrible writer. But it was the biggest mistake I've ever made because I truly feel like I lost my soulmate.
So please don't meet up with this man you found online, please go give your boyfriend a good look and appreciate him all over again. Never take him for granted. The excitement and spark may die but whats left over is real love, and that is worth more than any fling.
-S
To me you have answered your own questions, you say your not in love with your boyfriend of 5 years. That to me sounds like you should really leave your partner so he can go find happiness. Because with staying with him and not being in love with him your leading him on. I have many friends online male and female however as soon as any male has ever mentioned meeting up or anything that is a red flag for me and I firmly say that it would not be appropriate, it's down to you to find the excitement in your relationship if you chose to stay, after 5 years relationships change yes sometimes the initial butterflies etc and excitement calms down. But again putting some effort to spice things up wouldn't go a miss
Girl Afraid...I often felt the same. Will I ever be truly content in a relationship? And now I do.
After 5 years, relationships change, it's never the same as the beginning when it's exciting and new. You meet this guy online as you say 'we've got so much in common'. You could meet this guy and he could be a total but or cheat. Or he could be the perfect person...but 5 years down the line, the spark goes again. What do you do? Leave him?
OP, ALL relationships can get boring at times, you'se both will find other people attractive but it's being sensible and not letting your emotions get the better of you, and you make stupid decisions.
I often read romance novels and I would love a relationship like Elizabeth and Mr Darcy and others I read in books, but that's not real life. I had this perfect idea of what a relationship is like and always compared. I got much happier in my relationship when I stopped comparing and fantasizing about a perfect relationship. No such thing.
Stop flirting with the guy on the Internet and concentrate on your relationship. It takes 2 people to make a relationship exciting and a whole lot of effort. Don't take the easy way out.
Hi GirlAfraid I actually cant see a problem meeting up with someone who just wants to go to a gig :) It's all about your BF accepting it's NOT a date but a meet to share mutual hobby etc with and if that's all it is I would grab that chance with both hands :) But that's just me Have a great day
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