View Full Version : Really worried about ovarian cancer
Hello everyone
I am a long time lurker on this site, but now feel compelled to write things down (this may be long, sorry)
My HA started about 5 years ago. I was in a very bad place, very anxious due to an abusive relationship and low self esteem. I convinced myself that all my symptoms were cancer, and I was going to die leaving my children with a feckless father. I became completely unhinged, and thought about ways to make my children hate me so that they would not miss me. I considered driving my car into a tree so that they would not have too see me die a slow death.
Anyway, I had a lot of tests (barium enema, scans and blood tests) and although I did have some small problem with my cervix, I had tratement, and it was fine.
I got divorced, and then a couple of years later, I was assaulted whilst drunk, and injured in a sexual way. I never reported it, as I was so ashamed that my drunkeness led me to that place. (I don't normally drink so get drunk very easily). I did however go into panic about HIV, and
after a couple of months of panic and worry, I plucked up the courage to get a test, which thankfully was negative.
Now, all my HA seems to be surfacing again once more.
I have for the last few months had a pain on my right side when I bend to put shoes on etc. I did not think too much about it until a couple of weeks ago, when I started getting a stabbing pain in my lower right ab, near my naval. Panic starting to rise, I then got a dull aching in my sacrum. And some sharp pains in my pelvis where the ischium bone is right underneath.
So, I have been to the doctors. She has arranged for me to go back next week for blood and urine tests, and ordered a scan for me. I am completely freaking out, and am convinced I have ovarian cancer (I am 51 so in the right age group). Of course I stupidly googled it, so I feel like I am already dead. And I keep thinking that more and more symtoms are turning up.
I feel like I am going insane, in fact, I thought "Why don't I just kill myself now and get it over with" -- I know how stupid that is, but I keep getting really dark thoughts.
I have no-one to talk to. I can't tell my doctor, as she is a very "no nonsense" type (although she is very thorough, which can make me freak even more, as it feels like she thinks the worst).
Sorry to go on, I just feel so alone :weep:
Sadie x
Hi sadie, I am sorry you are feeling like this and please don't think you're alone people on here will always help if they can, I have been having similar symptoms to you I have had my right sided aches and pains in pelvic and Stomach for a long time and had the scans and blood tests etc and they always say ibs and anxiety is making it worse but recently my health anxiety has increased so much and I am thinking I have ovarian cancer or bowel cancer I am going for a scan soon as well even though I had one 6 months ago I need reassurance, my pains are in same place as yours, every one keeps saying its fine but it's so hard to convince myself I have a few good days then the niggles come back and so does the worry and anxiety I hope like me its maybe just worry and I hold myself so tense and always sit with feet tucked up I never relax, do you have ibs, please take care x
Oh, yes, and I forgot to say..
the reason I am convinced that I have cancer is becuase I keep thinking I deserve it. Now, I know that that is a terrible thing to think because people do not get cancer because they deserve it. But I think *I* do. Like I have not been a good person.
I also start getting very strange feelings, like a fear of bacon. Or a fear of playing my guitar.
I am scared I am going insane..
---------- Post added at 15:30 ---------- Previous post was at 15:25 ----------
Hi Toria
Thank you so,so much for posting. I don't think I have IBS.
I am going crazy thinking that I have to wait at least two weeks to find something out. It is so good to come on here, as I can't talk to anyone in real life.
Sadie x
Hi Sadie,
First off, if you "think" you're going crazy, you're not. People in psychosis don't realize it.
Worrying about cancer is pretty normal for HA. Thinking you deserve it is not and indicates issues much deeper in my opinion.
Fear of bacon? Say it ain't so! Bacon is too good to be afraid of! ;)
I'm a musician, guitar as well. That's something you darn well need to overcome. The only thing I cringe at is when I do alternate tuning and have to tune back up to standard. How many times have you been hit with a string that breaks? ;)
There are events that have happened in your life that have caused some "self" issues that really should be addressed. Left alone to fester as they have, it's causing you undue anxiety and stress along with some irrational fears.
While posting them in a public forum is cathartic in many ways, seeking therapy would be the prudent thing to do. Despite the "no nonsense" approach of your doctor, you need to ask for a referral and explain you're having these thoughts. These are things she can't address medically and should understand.
Good luck and positive thoughts
Hi you are not going insane its just the anxiety, I no what you mean about the waiting for results I just want the scan now so I no, its the not knowing that is the worst thing and the waiting, I have just started cbt hoping it helps x
Hi T
Thank you so much for posting. I know you are absolutely right, I have a lot of "issues" and it would be probably wrong for me to post them here, but have had feelings of worthlessness almost all of my life.
Anyway, about the guitar -- I recently decided to take it up again after many years. I play classical, nothing cool and trendy, and just over a week ago I had my first lesson. I practised every night. And now I am wondering (hoping) that the lower back pain was from that. I did not use a footstool and was probably completely slumped. It was a really dull ache, felt like it was right in my bones. So, I have stopped playing in the hope that it will go away. It has a bit. Just some twinges now. But if I start again, it may come back, snd feed my panic.
I have started looking at a guitar support cushion on the web, I might give that a go.
te bacon thing is because I read about processed meat and cancer. I think if I even look at bacon, it will be dangerous. I have others like this too :-(
Thanks again
Sadie x
---------- Post added at 16:50 ---------- Previous post was at 16:44 ----------
Hi Toria
Yes, its agony. I have an appointment next Thursday for the urine and blood tests. Then another week to wait for the results. I don't know about the scan, I have to wait for the hospital to send me an appointment.
Do you have your scan date yet? How did you get the CBT? Was it through the GP?
I am afraid to ask my GP, as she is quite fierce on a bad day. She made me cry when I was pregnant, because I asked her about a healthy diet, and she just barked at me that if I eat too much cheese and crisps, then I will put on too much weight!
BUT, she will always be very thorough, never dismisses things. She is a very good doctor.
Sadie x
Hi T
Thank you so much for posting. I know you are absolutely right, I have a lot of "issues" and it would be probably wrong for me to post them here, but have had feelings of worthlessness almost all of my life.
No, I think it's good to put your thoughts into words. Getting feedback is important too as it affirms what you may have been thinking as in this case :)
Anyway, about the guitar -- I recently decided to take it up again after many years. I play classical, nothing cool and trendy, and just over a week ago I had my first lesson. I practised every night. And now I am wondering (hoping) that the lower back pain was from that. I did not use a footstool and was probably completely slumped. It was a really dull ache, felt like it was right in my bones. So, I have stopped playing in the hope that it will go away. It has a bit. Just some twinges now. But if I start again, it may come back, snd feed my panic.
I have started looking at a guitar support cushion on the web, I might give that a go.
I'm classically trained. I've been playing most of my life and took up classical in college. Classical is all about the technique and proper posture is imperative. a foot stool and proper chair height lends itself to this. The instrument should almost float in your hands if that makes sense. While my style would be considered more Folk/Americana, my playing still incorporates all the technical aspects of my classical training. It lends itself nicely to fingerstyle, of which I do a lot of.
te bacon thing is because I read about processed meat and cancer. I think if I even look at bacon, it will be dangerous. I have others like this too :-(
When you think about it, most of us at this age (I'll be 55) have been eating processed foods most of our lives. We've been out in the sun and gotten sunburns well before SPF50 suncreens were the norm ;) While bacon isn't the healthiest food out there, if there's going to be consequences, we'll know it soon enough. Certainly refraining from such foods is better for you, I believe everything in moderation won't do any more damage than already has been done. To worry if that BLT is going to cause you to suddenly get cancer or drop dead of a heart issue is illogical. Just be prudent and enjoy your life.
Thanks again
Sadie x[COLOR="blue"]
Positive thoughts :)
Hi sadie I haven't got my scan date yet but hopefully not to long, I asked my doctor about cbt and they referred me but in my area I think you can ring and make a appointment yourself there is leaflets in my doctors surgery and I no someone who did it themselves, I don't no about your area as I suppose they are all different but you could ask your doctor receptionist if they no if you didn't want to ask your doctor even though she would probably be fine, be reassured that your doctor is thorough x
Hi T
Are you Tommy Emmanuel by any chance?;)
I know that what you are saying is logical, but my anxiety seems to override any logical argument that I, or anyone else can come up with. And I feel so very angry with myself for being such a coward. After all, many people are coping with cancer, and doing a better job than me coping with the idea of it. I am ashamed of myself.
Oh, and the idea of dropping dead does not worry me. It's the dying slowly that freaks me out.
Thank you to you both, for your support. I don't deserve it, but REALLY appreciate it.
Sadie x
Hi T
Are you Tommy Emmanuel by any chance?;)
I know that what you are saying is logical, but my anxiety seems to override any logical argument that I, or anyone else can come up with. And I feel so very angry with myself for being such a coward. After all, many people are coping with cancer, and doing a better job than me coping with the idea of it. I am ashamed of myself.
Oh, and the idea of dropping dead does not worry me. It's the dying slowly that freaks me out.
Thank you to you both, for your support. I don't deserve it, but REALLY appreciate it.
Sadie x
Sadie,
First of all, anxiety is an illness. Just like pneumonia or cancer or green monkey disease. You are not a coward-you have a condition. An illness. It's not lethal, but it can, as you learned the hard way, affect your brain AND your body in very unpleasant ways. Don't be angry with yourself-we all have our own illnesses and problems to cope with. People with cancer cope with cancer because they have cancer-people with anxiety should cope with anxiety because they have anxiety. End of story.
As for the coping, the best way is to hit the nail in the head and start treating yourself right now. Some things you can do alone (CBT therapies, communicating more with people, more activity, healthier lifestyle) and for some you need professional help and possibly medication. Start counselling, and made a plan together with the professional(s) how to fight the beast. It can be costly and it will be a long a hard way-but you can get there, and with the willingness to fight and persevere, you will get there.
Another thing, you deserve every single bit of help you'll get. Why do you blame yourself for everything? You are a nice person, you love your children and want the best for them, you just want to live a normal life free of anxiety. You've been through lot, and you really deserve happiness and kindness, not to be tormented and tortured by the disorder you have. Believe me, lot worse people than you got lot more and better from life. Therefore, don't you blame yourself and don't you say you don't deserve normal life. Every single human being deserves that, and you are no exception.
And in the end, here is a song for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ3Px5FCJls
:)
Hi T
Are you Tommy Emmanuel by any chance?;)
He's one of my guitar heroes! I've seen him perform and it's simply amazing the ease in which he performs some incredibly difficult pieces. I perform a couple of his "tamer" pieces ;)... "Angelina" and "Since We Met".
I feel if you tackle some of the inner struggles you're having with some one on one therapy as well as working on your own with self help books, CBT and such, you'd be taking some real positive steps in healing. And play your guitar! Music is wonderful therapy!
Positive thoughts
Hi Andrash
Thank you for your post, it made me cry buckets. Then I listened to the song, and I laughed through my tears -- thank you.
I do try to be healthy mostly, but this week I have skipped the gym, for the same reasons I stopped the guitar. I am scared that if I get any more pains, it will trigger more panicking. I know this is really stupid, but if I could turn my brain off, I would!
I don't really know who I could talk to in real life. To everyone I am the strong career woman, who has survived an abusive marriage (well, those who know), and has brought her kids up herself (ex never helped even when he was around, just drank, spent, and humiliated me whenever possible). Only had one other relationship which ended up with me being stalked for a year. So I find it difficult to let anyone in. Sorry, went a bit off topic there!
I will speak to someone about CBT, but not really sure where to start. Maybe I will speak to the nurse on Thursday,when I go to get bloods done, but it seems a long way away.
Your words mean a lot to me, thanks :hugs:
Hey T,
You must be an amazing guitar player. I learned VALS in G by Ferrer.
It is not that impressive to you I'm sure, but I was quite pleased considering it is nearly 40 years since I played!
Thank you all so. so much.
Sadie x
Hi Andrash
Thank you for your post, it made me cry buckets. Then I listened to the song, and I laughed through my tears -- thank you.
I do try to be healthy mostly, but this week I have skipped the gym, for the same reasons I stopped the guitar. I am scared that if I get any more pains, it will trigger more panicking. I know this is really stupid, but if I could turn my brain off, I would!
I don't really know who I could talk to in real life. To everyone I am the strong career woman, who has survived an abusive marriage (well, those who know), and has brought her kids up herself (ex never helped even when he was around, just drank, spent, and humiliated me whenever possible). Only had one other relationship which ended up with me being stalked for a year. So I find it difficult to let anyone in. Sorry, went a bit off topic there!
I will speak to someone about CBT, but not really sure where to start. Maybe I will speak to the nurse on Thursday,when I go to get bloods done, but it seems a long way away.
Your words mean a lot to me, thanks :hugs:
Hey T,
You must be an amazing guitar player. I learned VALS in G by Ferrer.
It is not that impressive to you I'm sure, but I was quite pleased considering it is nearly 40 years since I played!
Thank you all so. so much.
Sadie x
Hi Sadie,
First of all-please don't thank me, we're all here to help each other :) Maybe we don't know each other personally-but we all feel empathy and together fight anxiety. You're always, always welcome here :)
As Winston Churchill said (he also battled anxiety and depression throughout his life, we're in good company, haha)-it's like a black dog. It follows you around, then you manage to escape a bit, only to unexpectedly find it back. But the trick is-to see it in the eyes and see through it-it's just a big old black dog, nothing more. Nothing deadly, nothing scary-only a big fluffy dog that likes to scare people ;)
As for CBT, there are excellent online CBT therapies on this site.Hang around a bit and I will find one. Start from them, and also talk with psychologist-single visit to (in my case) her office helped me a lot. Just go step by step and whenever it looks scary (there will be many moments like that, unfortunately)-try to shake it off, come here and vent, go to the favourite restaurant and eat a delicious dinner, whatever :) It's a long, but completely manageable process. :)
Hugs&kisses,and I will try to find the CBT now :)
A
---------- Post added at 09:59 ---------- Previous post was at 09:52 ----------
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=131665
Yes, found it! :)
Hello Andrash
Thank you for your lovely message. I am definitely going to get this :-)
Feeling a tad better at the moment. Popped out earlier to meet my best and longest friend for a coffee. I actually told him a tiny bit of what I am feeling, and he was so nice to me.. I was just about crying. He made me laugh by saying "now everyone will think I have made you cry, and this is some sort of domestic" -- he was just kidding of course. Anyway, it kept me off the brink of breaking down right there in Starbucks, so thats good.
He is also a musician (ex-session), and he too thinks it is good for nerves, so I am going to pick it up again today. Will try to be posture aware.
Then I will watch a comedy film... hope that will keep me from obsessing.
Thanks, and best wishes to you
Sadie x
Hello Andrash
Thank you for your lovely message. I am definitely going to get this :-)
Feeling a tad better at the moment. Popped out earlier to meet my best and longest friend for a coffee. I actually told him a tiny bit of what I am feeling, and he was so nice to me.. I was just about crying. He made me laugh by saying "now everyone will think I have made you cry, and this is some sort of domestic" -- he was just kidding of course. Anyway, it kept me off the brink of breaking down right there in Starbucks, so thats good.
He is also a musician (ex-session), and he too thinks it is good for nerves, so I am going to pick it up again today. Will try to be posture aware.
Then I will watch a comedy film... hope that will keep me from obsessing.
Thanks, and best wishes to you
Sadie x
Sadie, it's excellent-nothing can heal you better than communicating with people :) As you see-there are people that care about you and want to spend time with you=that means you ARE nice and lovable person. Remember that ;)
Comedies always help. I watch sitcoms, as I don't like this new Hollywood comedy movies-find them without humour, to tell you the truth. But Brits are something else-they are the very best when comes to comedies :) When I am anxious I also read a lot, listen to music (Wagner, Beatles and Pink Floyd are my holy trinity :) ). Football helps a lot too-both watching and playing. As I said on some other thread-when you want to avoid the onrushing sliding tackle, you don't have time to worry whether you have cancer or not :D
The key is to be as proactive as possible-if you structure your day well and fill it with activities, you'll worry less. An idle mind is the devil's workshop ;)
Really looking forward to hearing from you again and stay strong ;)
A
Hi Andrash
Thank you for your lovely post.
Well, I was keeping things under control (sort of), until I came home from work tonight, and my appointment for my ultrasound had arrived.
And guess what? Its on SATURDAY! I mean, my anxiety just shot throught the roof. Why would I have to go in on a Saturday if they did not think there was anything to worry about? Now I am back to square one, after almost convincing myself that it was all going to be ok :weep:
I have thought a LOT about what triggers the HA episodes, I think the trouble is the synergy between my health problems, and the anxiety I feel for not being a good enough person. If I can separate them, I think maybe I can control things a bit better. So, I think if I do end up getting cancer, it is not the wrath of a god I don’t believe in (sorry to the believers). People will not look at me and think that I must be evil to have such a thing visited on me. I would not be abandoning my kids through lack of goodness. I know this is crazy talk, and makes no sense at all.
In all honesty, I don’t think I have done anything very evil. Getting drunk so that you are unconscious and therefore putting yourself in harm’s way is not evil is it? Stupid and regrettable, maybe. But not evil?
I just want it all to go away so much. Coming here really helps though, so thanks to all.
Sadie X
Hi Andrash
Thank you for your lovely post.
Well, I was keeping things under control (sort of), until I came home from work tonight, and my appointment for my ultrasound had arrived.
And guess what? Its on SATURDAY! I mean, my anxiety just shot throught the roof. Why would I have to go in on a Saturday if they did not think there was anything to worry about? Now I am back to square one, after almost convincing myself that it was all going to be ok :weep:
Well, I know it's a bit strange to have ultrasound on weekends, but it's still four days-if they really thought something was fishy and urgent, why not tomorrow or Thursday? :) Try not to worry so much about it, I'm sure it's just fun and games of bureaucracy ;)
I have thought a LOT about what triggers the HA episodes, I think the trouble is the synergy between my health problems, and the anxiety I feel for not being a good enough person. If I can separate them, I think maybe I can control things a bit better. So, I think if I do end up getting cancer, it is not the wrath of a god I don’t believe in (sorry to the believers). People will not look at me and think that I must be evil to have such a thing visited on me. I would not be abandoning my kids through lack of goodness. I know this is crazy talk, and makes no sense at all.
Well, the first part makes a lot of sense to me, and it should serve as an encouragement for you too-as you understood your problems. Believe me, most of people that come here doesn't think they are anxious at all-they are CONVINCED they have cancer or heart condition or something else serious and/or deadly. Actually, you are on the good road to recovery-and it's actually better that the dreaded ultrasound is soon-when you get your all clear, you'll be able to use it as an springboard for future dealing with anxiety issues.
In all honesty, I don’t think I have done anything very evil. Getting drunk so that you are unconscious and therefore putting yourself in harm’s way is not evil is it? Stupid and regrettable, maybe. But not evil?
[FONT="]I just want it all to go away so much. Coming here really helps though, so thanks to all.[
Of course you didn't do anything evil-getting drunk, if it doesn't happen every day, of course :), is actually quite normal. You shouldn't think like: I did this, I did that, is that evil, am I a bad person...-you are not a bad person, that's one thing and the other is-you have right to do whatever you want with your life. It's your life, and you deserve it, and you deserve to live it to the fullest! :) So next time you just say (for every situation you later start regretting)-I did it because I wanted it. I did it because I liked it. I did it, because it's my life and I want to control it :) And if someone else doesn't like that- on yer bike is in order ;)
Hi Andrash
Thanks for your kind post. I am so cross with myself now. Now they have moved my post too another section of the fourm -- does that mean that the mods think the same, and its something really sinister, and not HA?
I am so freaking out now. I have to pull myself together, but I can't seem to.
Hi Andrash
Thanks for your kind post. I am so cross with myself now. Now they have moved my post too another section of the fourm -- does that mean that the mods think the same, and its something really sinister, and not HA?
I am so freaking out now. I have to pull myself together, but I can't seem to.
I think there is a different section at the forum for all gynecological issues and therefore the post was moved. No worries about that-and as far as I know, the mod is not a doctor, but a HA sufferer like you and me :)
Hang tough there, Saturday you're getting your all clear and will be able to move on :)
Hey, good luck with your scan tomorrow! Everything will be well. :)
Hi Andrash
thank you so much for your good wishes/
I had blood and urine tests on Thursday, and as part of that the nurse took my BP and heart rate and said they are both excellent. She was happy with my weight and waist size (this is all part of the health check stuff they offer for the over 50's)
I casually mentioned that I am anxious, and she suggested I take up yoga to relax, and in her words "go and plan for your spring" -- I thought that was very sweet.
I won't get the results of the scan today, as the scans are taken by technicians, and then sent to the doctors for analysis. I have an appointment with my doctor next Thursday, so I hope they will all be back by then.
Oh, yes, and I also asked about my Saturday appt, and she said that the hospital has been taken over by a new trust who are making lots of changes including getting more departments open on a Saturday to improve the performance and clear the backlog (all to so with league tables apparantly).
Thanks again. :bighug1:
Sadie x
---------- Post added at 11:43 ---------- Previous post was at 08:01 ----------
Just thought I would update this, following my scan.
The radiographer said I have an ovarian cyst about 4cm. I will get called back in 3 - 4 months for a follow up. I said "Oh, thats not dangerous is it"
and she said "It can be" -- wish I had not asked now.
She did say mine was simple, and it could just be a menopausal thing because ordinarily, a cyst ruptures at 3cm as part of ovulation, and if I have not ovulated, the cyst could keep growing.
Funny, I felt very calm about it all until the scan. I know I should be jumping for joy because I do not have cancer, but I still feel like something is hanging over me. Sigh -- this too shall pass.
---------- Post added at 11:46 ---------- Previous post was at 11:43 ----------
Really want to google ovarian cysts now... must step away from laptop!
Hi Sadie,
That's excellent news :) The most important thing-there is definitely no c-word around :) You actually have a wet dream of all HA sufferers-a moderately serious illness, not enough to give you huge worries, but enough to smile faintly and say "ah, it could have been worse" and "well, not good but I'll survive" to everyone who asks how you are :)
And don't you worry about what the radiologist said-I mean, everything can be serious if not treated properly. If you have a cold, and you go outside running in your t-shirt and shorts in midwinter, odds are you will catch pneumonia and thus cold becomes serious. Same applies to your cyst-doctors will keep a watchful eye on it, and if it starts doing funny things like growing, they'll get it out in no time. Good thing-no malignancy, just a plain old lump with a bit of fluid inside ;). As i said-enough to scare family and friends :), not enough to worry excessively about it.
I also want to ask you to do something for me-now when you know it's not cancer and you only have a curable, non-life threatening condition-you really should get your self esteem back and start living your life to the fullest-with your children, friends, and with yourself. Just go to restaurants, parties, cinema, theatre, opera, whatever you like. Have fun with your kids. Do whatever you like doing-remember, it's you who's important now, you had a really tough time and now it's time to enjoy life a bit. :)
Hugs and kisses,
A
hi Andrash
That is a lovely post, thank you :hugs:
I do feel better, but that I am not quite out of the woods yet. I think there is a possibility that cysts can become cancerous? Especially in older women (I am 51). I don't dare google it, so I have not got any hard facts.
I have my follow up appointment with my GP on Thursday, and will get my results for my blood and urine tests. I will ask her about it. She will also hopefully have the official results from the scan.
I am trying to put all that to one side. I have had a fairly inner peaceful day baking today, making soup, and some healthy banana and oat cookies.
I do want to get my self esteem off the floor though. I am thinking about counselling. Not sure where to start though. I did have a lovely coffee with my best friend, and he said "you are a red jelly baby" -- I was so choked. Oh, and yes to the theatre -- I have just booked tickets to see The Samuel Beckett trilogy -- yay! :)
Sadie x
Sadie
I don't know whatkind of cysts you have to be told they can be dangerous. I have PCOS and have had several cysts on my ovaries which have all gone now. When a woman approaches menopause, she will have anovulatory cycles and because of this we can be prone to ovarian cysts. It's quite a common occurance. If you don't mind me saying but the radiologist was very wrong to tell you that your ovarian cysts could be dangerous - that's for a doctor to determine.
This is what I found from a reliable source..
''An ovarian cyst is a fluid-filled sac which develops in an ovary. Most ovarian cysts are benign (non-cancerous) and cause no symptoms. Some cause problems such as pain and irregular bleeding. No treatment may be needed for certain types of ovarian cysts which tend to go away on their own. For other types, an operation may be advised to remove the cyst''
Hope this reassures you a little.
:hugs:
Thank you Autumn, yes that does help.
I will hopefully get some more info from the doctor, and she will tell me what sort of cyst it is.
You are a star
Sadie x
Watcha Sadie,
Firstly, my limited, recently acquired (thank you HA :)) medical knowledge says that, as cysts are filled with fluid, and as cancers are rather solid, there is no danger that your little problem can become a big one. So no worries-you are in excellent shape!
I am really glad for you that you're slowly but surely getting your social life back. Don't worry about outbursts of emotions too-they are normal and part of the healing process. You should have seen me after my mri scan. :)
I envy you for the theatre-but don't watch too much absurdist and existential plays-they cause anxiety :D Joking, of course. :)
Hi Andrash
Thank you for all of your support, it means a lot to me..
I work in IT, and logic is a big part of my working day. So, I decided to do some sums:
I read on an official website, that in 2011 there were 21 million people over 50 in the uk. So at least half (more actually so I am being conservative) are female.
There were roughly 7000 diagnosis oc in that year. So, on straight probability I have a 1 in 11,000 of being diagnosed this year. And while I have more chance of this than winning the lottery, the odds are still massively in my favour. That made me feel loads better.
As for my social life... well, I was doing really well for me.. I joined a gym, started a Scuba diving course, started guitar again. And then the anxiety kicked in, and it is all starting to crumble. I know thats not good, so I am going to force myself to the gym tonight. I will find my instructor, and get some information about yoga. Thats my challenge for tonight (kids both out so no excuse!).
So, you are not a Beckett fan then? I will be booking a musical too, just to have balance :)
Thanks :hugs:
Sadie
Hi Andrash
Thank you for all of your support, it means a lot to me..
You are very welcome. Someday you'll probably be supporting me at this very same forum :)
I work in IT, and logic is a big part of my working day. So, I decided to do some sums:
I read on an official website, that in 2011 there were 21 million people over 50 in the uk. So at least half (more actually so I am being conservative) are female.
There were roughly 7000 diagnosis oc in that year. So, on straight probability I have a 1 in 11,000 of being diagnosed this year. And while I have more chance of this than winning the lottery, the odds are still massively in my favour. That made me feel loads better.
Haha, there it is-how different professions can cause different outlooks on things, including anxiety. For you, being an IT girl, statistics means reassurance. For me, being a security/political analyst (therefore, working&studying exceptions, not rules), stats never did the trick-I was always like: ok, chances to have cancer are 1:1000000, but I CAN BE that one person. :) And of course, more anxiety follows :)
Still, I am not writing this in order to persuade you not to use stats-you should absolutely do whatever calms and reassures you.
As for my social life... well, I was doing really well for me.. I joined a gym, started a Scuba diving course, started guitar again. And then the anxiety kicked in, and it is all starting to crumble. I know thats not good, so I am going to force myself to the gym tonight. I will find my instructor, and get some information about yoga. Thats my challenge for tonight (kids both out so no excuse!).
Excellent. What I did find about anxiety-when my time is structured and full of activities, anxiety levels are considerably reduced. Theater, yoga, diving-whatever makes you fulfilled and chases the dog away. Naturally, I am not a psychologist, but I honestly feel you're on the right path. :)
So, you are not a Beckett fan then? I will be booking a musical too, just to have balance :)
Thanks :hugs:
Sadie
Actually, I am a great fan of absurdism. I prefer Ionesco, but Beckett is also good. I was just joking that every single one of these modernist writers and playwrights suffered from depression and/or anxiety and therefore their work is fueled with it. Waiting for Godot for example-write "Scan results" instead of "Godot" and what do you get-a full blown theatre study of health anxiety :D
Hugs&kisses, A.
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