View Full Version : Coping With My Father's Illness
Good Morning, I have to say that I'm really thankful that it's Saturday morning and I got to sleep in today. My partner took care of our dogs and let me sleep in until 8:30AM. It felt really good. I got up and journaled for 30 minutes and have been posting on NMP for the last twenty minutes or so. I find helping others by sharing my experiences helps me.
My Dad had his bronchoscope yesterday and his radiation treatments have been postpone until tests come back from the bronchoscope. Of course this is all quite stressful but I am handling it as well as can be expected. I continue to pull out all of the tools from my tool chest and implement them on a daily basis. I am determined not to allow this stressful period to kick my anxiety into overdrive.
I am having to realize that I can not be in control of everything about my Dad's treatment. Just like with my own HA, I am having to learn to accept my Dad's diagnosis and I am having to learn to trust his team of physicians. I am also having to learn to accept that everyone in my family, dysfunctional as we are, is doing the best that they can.
It's difficult not to take things personally and to make parts of this about me. It's not about me. I just need to continue to do the things necessary to lift myself up. Thanks to hard work and each of you on NMP, I will continue to do just that.
Dealing with cancer and a loved one is hard enough for those without anxiety and a dysfunctional family, so I can only imagine what you're dealing with.
You're doing absolutely amazing under the circumstances! Just cheering you on and sending positive vibes and prayers.
Positive thoughts
MRS STRESS ED
18-01-14, 14:47
Tanner your doing amazing, I lost my brother in law last year he was 43. I was a mess I counldnt cope so you are doing great keep going xx :D
Thanks for the encouragement and the positivity, Fishmanpa. I know that you have real experience in this area which I value. It is difficult on patients and care fivers alike, but I do think that I'm handling it fairly well. Getting a handle on my frustration level will be the best thing that I can do for myself.
One of the most difficult aspects of the entire cancer experience is not being in control. For me, having confidence in my team of doctors made all the difference. You're putting your life in their hands. I trusted them and they were and still are on the ball.
Your Dad is at the best hospital in KY for cancer. From what you're saying, they're taking care of him and using all their resources to make sure he's getting the best care.
Positive thoughts
Thanks Mrs Stess. I am certainly trying.
Fishmanpa, your message to me yesterday was so helpful. I am having to learn to trust and accept that I am not in control. It's a little different than accepting anxiety, but I am modifying my approach to still use the acceptance technique. And yes, the doctors and the hospital are doing a wonderful job. My job is to step back and allow them to do their work, while still asking the appropriate questions.
Your doing a brilliant job juggling all those balls, you are stronger than you realise
Remember to take time out for yourself
Take care and stay strong
Thanks Mr Andy. I do feel like quite the juggler these days. I am certainly doing all I can to take care of myself. Watched some funny videos last night, and had a nice dinner and a bubble bath.
TooMuchToLiveFor
18-01-14, 16:22
Good morning, Miss Tanner!
I am so glad you slept in this morning. We are all so proud and inspired by how you are handling this very difficult time. Thank you for sharing your journeys with us so that we can grow with you!
XOXOXO.
Hey there Too Much! Thanks for the positive thoughts. How is your Mom doing today?
TooMuchToLiveFor
18-01-14, 16:41
Thanks for asking, dear friend!
She is in great spirits this morning. The morphine pain button was making her feel very nauseated, so she is already off that and on oxycodone. She was able to eat last night and this morning. I think her anxiety is greatly relieved to have made it through another surgery, so her appetite is better. (They also threatened her with a feeding tube, so I think that gave some motivation as well.)
They think the flap is looking good right now, thank God! It is still a waiting game, but we are faithfully hanging on to the positive.
What are your plans for the rest of the day? I think I am going to leisurely straighten the house and plan the week's menu with healthy, nurturing foods. Watch some tv with my hubby and love on my babies. Mom is encouraging me to stay home today and take care of myself- think I will. A nice lavender bath might be in order....
Glad to hear that the flap is looking good and that your Mum is in good spirits. That must feel like such a weight off of your chest. My day today sounds similar to yours. My partner and I just made a nurturing and nourishing menu for the week. We are about to be off for lunch and then to the grocery store. After that, we are going by to relieve my brother and stay with my Dad for about four hours. Then home for a fire and some nonsensical television. Loving on my dogs.
And the bubble bath did wonders for me last evening.
TooMuchToLiveFor
18-01-14, 17:25
That sounds like a very good Saturday, Tanner. Good idea on the fire- think I will pick up some logs myself.
This may be a silly question, but would you care to share any of your menu ideas for the week? Since I got so sick at the beginning of November I haven't been cooking- actually cooked my first meal since starting to recover on Thursday night! However, I am in a bit of a rut. I stare at my pantry and can't come up with ideas. Thought you might inspire me in the kitchen since you tend to be pretty inspirational in so many other areas. Lol! :winks:
Well done to you both Tanner and TooMuch for dealing with everything so well.
Wouldn't mind help with a nourishing and nurturing menu myself! I had just started to cook again just before I returned to work but obviously with being ill again haven't been able to. Need to gather some strength but hard to with a very fragile digestive system!
Mermaid
TooMuchToLiveFor
25-01-14, 00:05
Hey Tanner,
How is your dad doing? How's it going with your brothers?
Hey Tanner,
How is your dad doing? How's it going with your brothers?
Wondering the same thing...
Positive thoughts
Hey there Too Much and Fishmanpa. Everything is going okay with my Dad. They are starting the radiation treatments this week. He has been extremely depressed and tearful. One brother has been fine and the other one has been a jerk. He is just not pulling his fair share of things but that seems to happen in every family.
I'm having a bit of a pity party for myself at the moment. I'm just tired and want my life back. I feel like a bit of a lousy daughter for feeling that way. I work a ton of hours during the week and still have annual employee reviews to finish up this weekend. I spent two days and two nights with my Dad this week. Now it's my turn again. I'm getting ready to go over and spend the next twenty four hours with him and I just don't want to go. I feel terrible knowing that I feel that way. I'm irritated with about everyone and irritated with myself for not wanting to go. I just want my Saturday for me. Selfish I know.
So I've packed my bag and my work bag and now I'm getting ready to gather up the stuff to make him potato soup at his house. I'm going to pack some funny movies and a book. But bottom line is I still just want to stay home. I'm only human but I still feel irritable and selfish.
Bet you two are sorry you asked how I was. LOL. I just needed a rant.
One thing your not and that's selfish,you should be proud on how you are coping
TooMuchToLiveFor
25-01-14, 18:39
Mr.Andy is totally right.
I wish I could make that potato soup for you, or deliver a meal to you and your partner.....you need to have some people taking care of you guys too!
Nah... not sorry I asked at all. What you're feeling is totally normal and part of the feelings of many that are caregivers. Don't go beating yourself up ya hear? You've been doing incredibly well under the circumstances. Next time you get a day off, go out and treat yourself to a spa day or massage. It'll do wonders for your spirit.
Glad to hear your Dad is starting treatment. His feelings are normal too but his mood should improve now that he's actually joining the fight. Do you know what type of rads he's getting? # of treatments? Are they thinking of surgery at all? Drop me a line and fill me in when you get a chance.
Positive thoughts and prayers
Would just like to endorse what the others have said, we are on your side and thinking of you .
Mermaid
Thanks for the encouragement Too Much, Mr Andy, Fishmanpa and Mermaid. It's nice to hear that all caregivers got through the feelings that I was having on Saturday. I know that I'm truly not a selfish person but it's difficult not to feel selfish when I am feeling a bit resentful over giving up so much time to take care of my Dad.
Once I got to his house on Saturday, everything was fine. He was actually having a good day and we enjoyed each others company. He enjoyed the soup and cheddar rolls that I made for him. He talked quite a bit and I enjoyed being there. Like I said, I think that I just needed a very large vent.
As for me, I think I am coping pretty well, all things considered. I have noticed that I haven't been making the time for myself to do many of the things in my toolbox. I know thatbthis will eventually catch up with me, so I must get back into some semblance of my routine.
Thanks to everyone for being here for me and checking in.
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