Blippity-Blip-Blip

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Poo.

After an amazing week......today feels a little more like the early days on the road to recovery.

One of the things I like least about days like today is that I spend way too much time trying to figure out "why" I am feeling like this today. Is it because I let myself have half a can of diet coke yesterday? I indulged in a few cookies and a piece of chocolate pie yesterday? Is it the situational anxiety from my mom's surgery?

Who knows? Really.....who cares? It doesn't really matter why. It just matters that I handle it in the way I have been learning.

The anxiety is one thing, but this depressed feeling I have today really sucks.

Cuss, cuss, cuss.

(By the way, just venting- I know I'll be rolling forward again soon....may even be today.)

[Tessar]

Arrggghhhhh that's the way the cookie crumbles isn't it? The nature if the game. Blasted anxiety and the thoughts that go with it. You are dealing with alot at the moment so I'd say.... Hang in there but really don't be too hard on yourself, you have done the right thing in venting, get it out if your system. I tend to over think too. It isn't easy to stop, not least when stressed, but u r right.... Most likely you will b rolling forward again soon..... Hugs.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thanks, Tessar. I really appreciate you replying. :)
And, obviously, you fully understand- which is such a comforting feeling in this journey.
I'm so thankful for my friends here.

[Fishmanpa]

It's the "Who knows? Really.....who cares? It doesn't really matter why" that shows just how much progress you're making. When you can shrug your shoulders and just say "F it" and move on, you know you're on the right path to keeping the Dragon in his cave :)

Positive thoughts

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

[QUOTE=Fishmanpa;1267262]When you can shrug your shoulders and just say "F it" and move on, you know you're on the right path to keeping the Dragon in his cave :)

LOL- I have actually thought "F it" quite a few times today. :winks:

Another interesting thing....I kind of let myself "have" today....to be a bit mopey, unproductive, and blah....., but it was a CHOICE I MADE for today, and I have already MADE the choice that tomorrow I will carry on the fight, regardless of how I FEEL!

Thanks, FMP!

[freckles.o]

Hi I too do this as I was trying for a while to go sugarfree but would have slip ups and beat myself up about it and then contribute my night time panic attack on the fact I had failed again to resist the sugar. Then one day I decided enough was enough, I just am not able for sugar. Granted I still have the same negative feelings and the panic attacks, but I am choosing to see it as one less cause and one more step to having a better day tomorrow hopefully. I read something that I thought was interesting earlier, snacks are only guilt-snacking if you beat yourself up about it. So if u are stronger than me u could have whatever want if u choose to allow yourself to have without the guilt after. Hope u dont feel I went off on tangent about the sugar, I realise your post is more about trying to stop yourself questioning why your feeling a bit crappy today...and I hope u feel better...tomorrow is new day, thats what is helping me right now.

[Annie0904]

Your positive attitude always shines through in your posts even when you are feeling down. You are going through a tough time and as you have said yourself anyone would be anxious in this situation. Give yourself some pamper time x

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thanks, Freckles and Annie! :)

How are you both doing today?

Today has started shaky- CRAZY dizzy today- but I let myself be pretty stagnant yesterday- pretty much didn't leave my chair all day like I did in the beginning of this journey- but today I am making the choice to continue forward in the journey.

I got plenty of sleep last night- although very fitful, stressful dreams. Mainly revolving around my mom's cancer - and then in my dream I got it too. (I don't have HA, by the way, so this isn't a normal fear for me.)

Both my babies are fighting bad colds, so that is a bummer, but they are in good spirits. Nothing can get kids down, huh? :)

Okay. Gonna get a bottle ready. Gonna shower. Gonna get the family ready for church. Gonna leave this chair. Dragon or not- here I come!

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thanks, Freckles and Annie! :)

How are you both doing today?

Today has started shaky- CRAZY dizzy today- but I let myself be pretty stagnant yesterday- pretty much didn't leave my chair all day like I did in the beginning of this journey- but today I am making the choice to continue forward in the journey.

I got plenty of sleep last night- although very fitful, stressful dreams. Mainly revolving around my mom's cancer - and then in my dream I got it too. (I don't have HA, by the way, so this isn't a normal fear for me.)

Both my babies are fighting bad colds, so that is a bummer, but they are in good spirits. Nothing can get kids down, huh? :)

Okay. Gonna get a bottle ready. Gonna shower. Gonna get the family ready for church. Gonna leave this chair. Dragon or not- here I come!

[Tanner40]

Great job, Too Much. Sometimes it's good to allow yourself a lazy day in the chair. That was a choice that you made. Nothing like the early days where you just had to sit in the darned chair.
I would think that the restless and disturbing dreams last night would tell you that much of this is normal situational anxiety. What your Mom is going through would be a stressor for anyone.
Lock up that dragon and enjoy your kids and church. Be thankful for your sense of humor and your ability to make things happen even in the face of such adversity.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Yes, Tanner, you are so right- in the early days I "couldn't" leave the chair even if I wanted to do so (at least I felt that way). Yesterday I knew I could get up and push through, but as you said- I CHOSE - to have a chair day. Today I am CHOOSING not to- even though I'm not exactly feeling on top of the world.

Saw in another post you are feeling good today- glad to hear it! You are just doing so amazingly well. I have gotten to know your journey more through some of your early posts, and I am so empowered by your journey. You are a very cool woman, Miss Tanner!
Thankful for many things today- including that I call you a friend!

[Tanner40]

I'm glad that my journey can help you on yours. I'm honored to call you friend too, Too Much.

[Jebdog]

I hear you on the looking for the reason why bit, sometimes the links I might get silly like the socks I've worn or towel I've used. Luckily, in quickly able to dismiss these as ludicrous. Do you work?