BCFC
19-01-14, 10:38
Good day to you.
My name is James and I live in the West Country UK, I'm 45. I have suffered anxiety for as long as I can remember. It started in school assemblies when I would be stood in the middle of a long line of primary school children. The room would be hot and there was little fresh air. Whilst sitting I was fine, but then the headmaster would instruct us to stand whilst we sung 'All things bright and beautiful' or some other popular song of the day.
I would suddenly become acutely aware of my being in the middle of loads of bodies and a sudden and intense rushing feeling would zoom through my body from toes to head and back and forth again and again. I would want to contract and centre myself, but there was nothing to hold on to. Wave after wave of a feeling I can only describe as the type of out of control feeling you might get whilst plummeting down a roller-coaster track. My head would feel full and pounding and my legs jelly-like. Rather embarrassingly I would grab the trouser legs of the pupils beside me to 'centre' or 'earth' myself in an attempt to end the rushing. It might stop for a moment, but as you can imagine the pupils next to me were not that pleased and I would endure a sharp dig to my ribs. I felt weak and embarrassed and sometimes would try to cover up by asking a question such as 'how did Chelsea do at the weekend"? as though I was grabbing their trouser leg to gain their attention.
In time I told my mother about this and she asked that I be kept out of assembly for a while. Eventually I returned and sat at the end of the line at the feet of my teacher. This helped.
Later in life I would encounter the same physical reaction in places such as the front passenger seat of the car or when trapped in the inside seat of a bus. I experienced intense feelings when learning to drive (a stressful time anyway).
Nowadays my main areas of concern include standing in the middle of a room whilst someone approaches me and having nothing to centre myself to, moving from the front of a queue to a counter where someone waits to greet me and when I need to speak to a class of students or staff and find myself in the middle of the floor with loads of faces watching me. My physical reaction in such instances is awkward and I am convinced the other makes a judgement that I am somehow acting weird and out of control.
Physically, I cannot seem to maintain eye contact, I bend forward, turn away a little and my eyes water. I also lose any train of thought and become temporarily confused. If I can 'centre' myself in anyway, it helps immediately and I regain a control over the physical symptoms. At times that's enough, whilst at other times repeated attacks occur.
I have read a lot about Agoraphobia and panic, but no one seems to share the exact same experiences as me and so I am left wondering if I have something different. I am convinced I, and not the situation is causing the panicky feelings, because sometimes I maybe so distracted by the event I'm in that I do not think about my physiology and nothing untoward happens.
Is there anyone out there who has this set of reactions? If so I would love to hear from you and perhaps we can exchange strategies.
Thanks for listening.
My name is James and I live in the West Country UK, I'm 45. I have suffered anxiety for as long as I can remember. It started in school assemblies when I would be stood in the middle of a long line of primary school children. The room would be hot and there was little fresh air. Whilst sitting I was fine, but then the headmaster would instruct us to stand whilst we sung 'All things bright and beautiful' or some other popular song of the day.
I would suddenly become acutely aware of my being in the middle of loads of bodies and a sudden and intense rushing feeling would zoom through my body from toes to head and back and forth again and again. I would want to contract and centre myself, but there was nothing to hold on to. Wave after wave of a feeling I can only describe as the type of out of control feeling you might get whilst plummeting down a roller-coaster track. My head would feel full and pounding and my legs jelly-like. Rather embarrassingly I would grab the trouser legs of the pupils beside me to 'centre' or 'earth' myself in an attempt to end the rushing. It might stop for a moment, but as you can imagine the pupils next to me were not that pleased and I would endure a sharp dig to my ribs. I felt weak and embarrassed and sometimes would try to cover up by asking a question such as 'how did Chelsea do at the weekend"? as though I was grabbing their trouser leg to gain their attention.
In time I told my mother about this and she asked that I be kept out of assembly for a while. Eventually I returned and sat at the end of the line at the feet of my teacher. This helped.
Later in life I would encounter the same physical reaction in places such as the front passenger seat of the car or when trapped in the inside seat of a bus. I experienced intense feelings when learning to drive (a stressful time anyway).
Nowadays my main areas of concern include standing in the middle of a room whilst someone approaches me and having nothing to centre myself to, moving from the front of a queue to a counter where someone waits to greet me and when I need to speak to a class of students or staff and find myself in the middle of the floor with loads of faces watching me. My physical reaction in such instances is awkward and I am convinced the other makes a judgement that I am somehow acting weird and out of control.
Physically, I cannot seem to maintain eye contact, I bend forward, turn away a little and my eyes water. I also lose any train of thought and become temporarily confused. If I can 'centre' myself in anyway, it helps immediately and I regain a control over the physical symptoms. At times that's enough, whilst at other times repeated attacks occur.
I have read a lot about Agoraphobia and panic, but no one seems to share the exact same experiences as me and so I am left wondering if I have something different. I am convinced I, and not the situation is causing the panicky feelings, because sometimes I maybe so distracted by the event I'm in that I do not think about my physiology and nothing untoward happens.
Is there anyone out there who has this set of reactions? If so I would love to hear from you and perhaps we can exchange strategies.
Thanks for listening.