Kicking myself when I'm down

[NE21 worrier]

Hey folks,

Really beating myself up tonight - feel a complete idiot as I've just made a really crappy mistake in applying for an extension to my contract.

The application, through an online portal, basically came down to me writing competency statements proving I can do the job. There are three different categories and I had a decent enough statement for each one written out in a Microsoft Word document.

The problem arises from the fact that I have mistakenly mixed up two of the statements when copy and pasting them across so that they obviously now do not make sense in meeting the requirements of each competency.

The online portal does not allow for amendments or resubmitted applications. In fairness, it does say to check it before hitting Submit but I was tired and getting stressed out by it, and just wanted it out of the way. I know then that there is nothing at all I can do about it but this just makes the whole thing more frustrating as it really was a lot more important than my lack of care suggests.

There is a saving grace in that I did make two further identical applications through the same system with all the information in the correct places - but these were to other venues with fewer open places.

Nevertheless, I would say I have a love-hate relationship with my job and how it affects my anxiety issues - this is because I CAN do it (and this ultimately gives me confidence) but I feel as if I am constantly having to prove to myself that I can do it. Also being on the phones constantly - I am a customer service advisor for a govt department - can be stressful in itself.

Perhaps if I have truly messed up my application, it is simply a matter of fate suggesting I should do something else. But then the anxieties come flooding back as I don't know what to do exactly. I did journalism as a degree and enjoy writing but do not think I could handle the pressure of being a local newspaper reporter.

I'm 30, still living at home due to my insecure employment status and associated anxiety. And even though I can now cope with panic much more easily (I understand the theory behind adrenaline etc.), I'm still really scared in a general sense about the future. Troubling times.

Peter :sad:

[Rennie1989]

Firstly, there is absolutely no benefit in kicking yourself for this.

You can always call up the agency and explain that you may have copy and pasted text into the wrong section, they've probably already noticed and shrugged it off. Mistakes happen all of the time and with unemployed people applying for hundreds of jobs a week there are bound to be mistakes.

Keep applying for jobs or you could think about doing a college course to improve your chances of getting a new job or a career change. Just take each day as it comes, keep your goals in sight but concentrate on the here and now.

Best of luck!

[NE21 worrier]

Hi Rennie,

Thanks for the reply. I've tried to stop beating myself up about this though I obviously didn't make my situation to clear in my OP.

I'm not applying through an agency; I've had to apply for my very own job which I have held since March 2012. As stated above, I have a love-hate relationship as my posting history suggests - nevertheless, a job is a job has generally been my attitude. Indeed, my employer - while exerting some pressure - was generally very good while I struggled with anxiety last year between April and June.

My attitude has changed a little over the past 24 hours since I wrote this post, however. The extension for the contract is just six months and I've decided that this is a job which I will only ever simply 'tolerate' and sometimes barely even that.

Anyway, my new more realistic, more rational perspective: if I get the six months extension, then great - but I probably should be looking to expand my horizons regardless.

If I don't then I guess I would simply need to do this more quickly and/or without a fall-back option - a little scary but not impossible considering that still living with my parents means that I'm not actually fully fending for myself in the big wide world yet.

Contrary to the post above, I do have some ideas what I would actually like to do in life, although I have realised I would prefer just to keep my writing as a hobby. What I think I would like to do is work in advocacy (advising on either debt problems or mental health (as I would like to think I have learned quite a lot from my reading how to overcome issues)), perhaps in the charity sector.

My main obstacles to this are (a) a lack of relevant qualifications and (b) a lack of work experience in these fields. The latter could presumably be fixed by getting in contact with some relevant organisations (e.g. Citizens Advice or Mind) but I am not sure what to do about the former.

Thanks,
Peter