Tanner40
20-01-14, 12:29
Good Morning all, this morning I feel like a bit of a pint sized dragon slayer. Nowhere near the full life size dragon slayer. I feel more like the size of an action figure toy.
Dealing with my own anxiety, my brothers and family dysfunction, my Dad's illness, and I let a cyst on my back do me in. The cyst has been there forever and has been checked by my GP and a dermatologist. It's a subasceuous cyst, nothing to worry about. I'm prone to them
Well, as they tend to do, this cyst has gotten bigger and decided to drain a bit. I took a hot shower and my partner expressed it and of course, it was then a bit tender.
Instead of focusing on all of the real stressors in my life, I decided to worry about the cyst. I imagined an infection setting in, since it was tender and a bit inflamed. Of course that led to a systemic infection that would be the demise of me.
THEN I GOOGLED!
Really dumb. I couldn't find one single thing about sebaceous cysts on google that were dangerous. So I put in danger and complications as key words in my search. Still nothing sinister. I kept right on looking because I wasn't going to be satisfied until I found something that matched my level of worry.
This is what google does for me. It makes me keep looking until I found what I'm looking for. Find what is existing in my own head. And then when I can't find what I'm looking for, I figure that it must be so rare that I will be the first. After all, just my luck right?
I'm pretty much fine this morning. Google is a tool that keeps our minds from dealing with our real issues, the ones that create our anxiety. Google forces me to focus on problems that are minuscule and non- existent.
Today I will focus on the real issues, my anxiety and my recovery. No googling will help that.
Dealing with my own anxiety, my brothers and family dysfunction, my Dad's illness, and I let a cyst on my back do me in. The cyst has been there forever and has been checked by my GP and a dermatologist. It's a subasceuous cyst, nothing to worry about. I'm prone to them
Well, as they tend to do, this cyst has gotten bigger and decided to drain a bit. I took a hot shower and my partner expressed it and of course, it was then a bit tender.
Instead of focusing on all of the real stressors in my life, I decided to worry about the cyst. I imagined an infection setting in, since it was tender and a bit inflamed. Of course that led to a systemic infection that would be the demise of me.
THEN I GOOGLED!
Really dumb. I couldn't find one single thing about sebaceous cysts on google that were dangerous. So I put in danger and complications as key words in my search. Still nothing sinister. I kept right on looking because I wasn't going to be satisfied until I found something that matched my level of worry.
This is what google does for me. It makes me keep looking until I found what I'm looking for. Find what is existing in my own head. And then when I can't find what I'm looking for, I figure that it must be so rare that I will be the first. After all, just my luck right?
I'm pretty much fine this morning. Google is a tool that keeps our minds from dealing with our real issues, the ones that create our anxiety. Google forces me to focus on problems that are minuscule and non- existent.
Today I will focus on the real issues, my anxiety and my recovery. No googling will help that.