View Full Version : REALLY NEED HELP, NOT JUST HEALTH ANXIETY!
I have to let some of my recent experiences out right now. I felt an anxiety attack coming onto me about 15 minutes before I wrote this, after reading about death. Now I feel like a bullet can't even stop me from living and am not afraid to die (or atleast I feel like that but I know I am). Every day I go through so many mood swings I don't know what I'm really feeling anymore. Last night I stayed after school with some friends to record some jazz for a history project in the music room. I was having a good time, and when my mom picked me up at around 6:00 she said she had to have surgery soon. I knew something was wrong when I got home so I listened to my mom talking to my dad, she said that the results from some tests showed that she had some "precancerous cells." At first I thought it was no big deal, but obviously I was in some kind of denial. I felt guilty because I didn't think I cared so I decided to make myself stand outside in the freezing rain for about an hour while listening to my mp3 player (my brother was on my computer typing a report until late.) I've been kind of embarrassed and afraid to tell anybody about what's going on, not even my best friend. I don't want them to be calling because that will only make me feel worse. I think I'm done with my own health anxiety. Why in the Hell do things never get better, and only worse? Why do they always happen when you finally feel better? And is the "surgery" to remove the "precancerous cells" safe and effective? Please reply, I am ready to go on a rampage to the doctor's office for waiting 2 weeks to call to give us the results. I know I haven't been replying to other people's replies recently, but I will soon. My ability to concentrate or think straight is completely out the window of the 100th floor (nice analogy, huh?)
Hi cfury,
You would have been well advised to have asked your parents at the time you inadvertently overheard the conversation.
Precancercous cells are usually termed "Grade 1". The treatment is to remove them and a margin of tissue surrounding it. This is often followed up with preventative radiotherapy just to ensure there isn't the odd "rogue" cell straying around to start a whole new growth.
If your mothers problem is in her breast, the likely outcome is excellent - it is the most curable form of cancer. If it is (say) in her spine or aesophagus, the potential seriousness and treatment options will be different. Early detection is always the best situation and unless you know otherwise, you should have the same amount of optomism as your mum and dad. Cancer is not a death sentence like it was forty years ago - mankind has made major inroads into this disease.
I am sorry this is happening to you mum and your family. I have a personal experience of this too (my wife) and I empathise.
About your anxiety - are you being treated for anxiety and if so are your meds effective? If not, and with a mini-crisis like this coming up, it is quite understandabel and even normal for this to raise anxiety levels. Perhaps a slight increase in medication (in consultation with your GP) would resolve this. If your meds are soemthing more suited to depression e.g. Citalipram, Fluoxetine etc it may be a more effective med may be prescribed for you life Moclobemide or Venlafaxine.
I hope this helps you in some way. I was touched by your request for a quick reply and have said this "off the cuff" for speed. (excuse typos)
Antipodes
Thanks for replying, I feel bored and lonely right now. I'm not on any medication, unless you count music as medicine.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
Hi
Are you self-diagnosing your condition? Some disorders have a whole grouip of symptoms associated with Anxiety and co-morbid Depression.
If your life is adversely affected by negative symptoms, you would be well advised to see a doctor if not a doctor and a psychologist.
Antipodes
Thanks for replying, I feel bored and lonely right now. I'm not on any medication, unless you count music as medicine.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
Ahhhhhhhh I hit the back button and resent the post. I know I should get on medication but I've already been through Hell and back. I'm trying to deal with it myself. I have noticed how many bad habits I've developed with anxiety and depression. I just noticed blood on my food from biting my lips as a nervous habit. My grades are also dropping because I feel so worn out with depression at the end of the day and get too lazy to do anything but play my guitar.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
I was just thinking about how something bad is happening to everybody I know. My grandmother found out she has cataracts and thinks she is going blind because she has double vision often (she is very pessismistic and has been since I can remember. Even when I was a little kid I remember her saying, in response to me asking when she'll come visit our house again, "Soon if I'm still alive."). One of my best friend's uncle died, and he was like a father to him (he was abused as a kid but somehow is very optimistic and acts like he doesn't care about anything happening to him). His mother has also been in the hospital in-and-out for the past 2 months for heart problems. Another good person at my school had to deal with the death of his dad, and I felt unbelievably sorry for him because he is just overall a good person. My grandmother's friend, which she has been "living" with for the past 50 years, is going through strokes, diabete's, and high blood pressure after years of smoking. And now its my turn.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
I also apologize for the rambling and confusing sentances lol.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
Hi again cfury,
No need to apologise for errors, rambling etc, lots of us have been in the same space as you are now.
Meds are not the be all and end all of resolving your present situation but even psychotherapy requires that you make contact with someone that can help you through this period. I must say (as a fellow anxiety sufferer) if you sought help from your doctor and (say) he/she prescribed the "right" med at the "right" dose, if that was appropriate, you can begin to put all this behind you and move on towards wellness. If you toook meds, very likely it woiuld only be for a little while and then you can get on with the rest of your life.
I know it all seems SO hard. And then there are parents to get involved. But as a parent - I say to you they will love you and want what is best for their "baby".
I hope it all works out for you.
Antipodes
Hi cfury,
Hey don't be too hard on yourself, you have a lot to deal with right now as it is. Music is good for you it gives you distraction, helps your creativity and also helps you to deal with your anxiety in some way. I think it will make you feel better to know, that I am having the same reactions to sressors as you when I get some bad news. I get bad mood swings, feel disoriented, feel overwhelmed..etc and to be honest with you I think most anxiety sufferers do feel this way when faced with difficult situations, because of anxiety we have less tolerance. We are always on high alert so it takes very little to push us over our own limits. I have experienced what you are going through many times and I can promise you that it will pass in time. Your mom will be okay you know, I believe that doctots are so much better and more competent at dealing with physical stuff then psychological stuff, they will be able to help her with the operation for sure. Have faith in your mom too, just show her some positivity and lots of support, tell her...mom its gonna be okay Im here for you, you'll be fine and you'll see she will be :)
I felt so much like you a couple of months ago...one neighbour has had a leg amputated which shoked me, then my mom's best friend comitted suicide and on top of that my dad was being all violent with my mom ( thankfully I don't live with them any more, but heard all of it through the phone), so I KNOW what you mean when all these things happen in the same time.
Listen I think it would help you to be able to confide in someone, because its a heavy weight to carry around by yourself. I am more then happy to lend a listening ear ;) well 2 ears actually so feel free to pm me any time, even if you just need to ramble, vent...I don't mind :)
xxxx
"If you magnify your imperfections and minimize your good points, you're guaranteed to feel inferior. But the problem isn't YOU its- its the crazy lenses you are wearing! " Feeling Good handbook
Thanks, you two, for replying. I wish I could say otherwise, but I am honestly feeling worse today. About halfway through the school day I developed a horribly strong fear of death and its been clouding over me ever since. I've been reading about near-death-experiences and I can't shake the feeling. I suddenly realized that either I'll someday slip into oblivion or suffer for eternity. I don't know if this is seasonal, I always thought I'm constantly depressed but I'm not. I have continuous severe anxiety, I'm always worrying about something and get to the point of a complete breakdown, daily. But today I felt my good 'ole anxiety plus depression. I've been really jumpy tonight, when I turned my tv off I saw the reflection of my guitar case on the wall and thought it was somebody standing behind me. I've been feeling kind of aggressive too, and my Spanish teacher is not helping:(. She got onto my about 4 times in class today. Once because I was waiting for her to get out of the way of my sight to copy the notes from the board, and she said "You should be writing this down, there is no choice because you signed up for this class and now you have the responsibility of learning it." That literally made my blood boil, and I'm feeling furious again. The second time she got onto me because my book cover was ripped up pretty bad and said "It looks like you need a new book cover, that's not gonna do you any good." I retained my anger yet again. The third time she started writing another group of info on the board (she wrote the same bit of notes for the third time on the board, too) and I told somebody that we already copied it all down 2 days ago. "What did you say Sergio (my 'spanish' name)?" "We already wrote this two other times." "That doesn't matter write it again. I have more to add to it." This time I gritted my teeth and daydreamed of the pleasure of slapping her in the lip lol. Then about 10 minutes later, sarcastically, she said "...I'll ask Scott since he has this written down." [Sigh...][Sigh...][Sigh...]:(:(:( I know nobody cares about my personal problems but I again have to let this all out before I lose control of myself.
Misery: you insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders. Misery: 'guess there's more to life than what you see, My Friend of Misery.
Hi cfury
You said you want to deal with this on your own, but I speak from experience when I say that's not the way. This is a huge load to carry and the emotional weight wears you down and makes you feel even worse. I have always found it hard to share my depression with anyone else, but I realise now that my depression clouds my judgment and I should let others help support me.
Even having someone to talk to will help, but it does sound like seeing a doctor would be a good thing for you to do. I didn't want to at first, then I realised that instead of helping myself I was making things worse. I am on meds now which are quite low dose, but allow me space to get my head better! the anger you feel could be from needing to let out your emotion and you are not letting yourself do that in any other way. (I suffer from this too.) I do agree with antipodes that it would also be a good idea to chat with your parents to say you are worried about your mum's health.
I'm glad you are coming here to post though. Never worry about rambling, we all do that now and again. Everyone needs to let off steam and this is certainly a good place for support. :)
Lisa.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.