Feel a bit stuck?

[Shammy]

From the outside people will see no reason for me to be anxious or worry and think my life is just fine

But it is not, I get so anxious over going out , going to work and doing normal things such as eating or even something that is suppose to be relaxing like getting a bath.

I feel a bit stuck, I am stuck in my flat on the internet all night and feel like my life has no purpose, I have no friends whatsoever and feel ignored by people I do know.

Even falling asleep at night can be stressful, I will worry about how I am going t face the next day. I worry over my wight constantly and every time I struggle to eat I think I am going to waste away.

My relationship with my long term boyfriend is now taking the toll of my stress, my boyfriend does not understand, he is the most relaxed person in the world and nothing ever stresses him out.

I was in the post office the other day and had forgotten my bank card so could not draw the money out needed for the taxi who was waiting outside for me. I just burst into tears and wanted to go home.

I feel like I am always going to be stuck like this, I have been anxious for over 12 years and "severely " anxious for over 6 months now.

Everything and anything worries me now and I am applying antibacterial gel all over my hands and everything because I am scared of getting ill because I know I will not be able to cope with it at all

I do not know how to break out of this, its like I am trapped and want to be normal again but its still there, I cant describe it. It is like an empty feeling inside me and my body feels tensed and cold .

[Oosh]

I think there are no easy fixes. If anxiety etc was easy to fix we'd all be anxiety free.
I do know how you feel though. I know it's all corny but the difference it can make for us to have a goal, something to achieve, focus on.

I know one thing for certain, an idle mind is not the cure for anxiety.
You know where your mind goes when there is nothing else to think about.
You'll always find something to worry about and that sounds like what you're doing.

I think a lot of it can be habit too. It's so easy to do what you've always done.
Your thought patterns are automatic. So if you're used to worrying then that's what you'll do unless you have different thoughts to distract you and replace the worries. Then it becomes more automatic to think the new way.
But it starts by having new things to think about.

I think when we stagnate or don't face what bothers us it can get worse. If it does I think it's your minds way of telling you things need fixing, changing and there may be problems in the future if there isn't.

I know fear probably keeps you from having plans but it's also what guarantees you'll live out that nightmare scenario of being locked away alone all your life, away from where life's going on, no fun, excitement, rewarding relationships etc

Having plans is scary but it's also stimulating and exciting.

What do you want to do ?
Who do you want to be ?
What social life do you wish you had ?
Forget the trivial idle mind fears, what are the really big fears you have that bother you that remain there consistently week after week ?

Do you know how much happier you'd feel if you answered some of those questions and tried to fix each one.

And maybe most important, laugh !
Laugh at yourself. You burst out crying because you couldn't find the money for the taxi ! All quirky things that make you you !
People like people who cry over taxis and baths too you know !
It's you, don't think all of that stuffs bad because it isn't necessarily. Not if you look at things in the right way.
It makes you a bit if a character !
I'm sure you have a lot of sides to you.
You're not just anxiety.

What I'm trying to say is don't let it bother you too much. It's surprising what a laugh or a change of perspective can do.

Sorry for rambling. Shotgun approach. Hope something in there helps.

[Marty_67]

Hi Shammy.

I guess my relationship is the reverse of yours...I am the stressy one and my wife is the relaxed one!

These have been testing times for the both of us but I have been to the doctor and I am back on meds. Not ideal but I do feel some what better after 4 weeks or so.

I am trying very hard to keep busy - I enjoy my job and it is a welcome relief from my stresses and worries which all seem to be related with things at home. Deep breaths and smiling help me. I know now when my triggers are striking and I try very hard to lift myself above those dark thoughts that just bring me and everyone down. But still not easy.

Oosh is right. Every day is a battle - a roller coaster ride. I can also understand that if you have never suffered or know a sufferer it might be difficult to get your head around this illness.

Have you spoken to your doctor? It doesn't have to lead to meds.

Marty