Hello

[WhyWhyWhy]

Well Im here mainly for reassurance (typical anxiety trait eh)

Reassurance that what I'm experiencing isn't that rare. That my ocd and my anxiety are felt by others, that I'm not going out of my mind and losing sanity and that it isn't something worse.

I've ALWAYS been anxious, even as a child. Had a pretty standard childhood but looking back I can see my father is a highly anxious person and my mother is quite cold, I seem to have picked up the anxiety and gone opposite to cold, I seem to feel other peoples feelings along with them, almost like I'm too in tune. Maybe I'm just a busy body haha who knows. Anyhow I'm hoping to not spend too much time here, but here has to be better than googling things, worrying about things that aren't real or obsessing over the past and the future.

I check EVERYTHING. I obsess over things that have happened and try to work out why it happened or read into things that aren't there. Worry I said or did the wrong thing, get very paranoid over stuff. Major health worries and contamination worries. Pretty sure I had untreated PND after the birth of my child 9 years ago, in fact I'm convinced.

I don't self medicate, I'm not much of a drinker, I smoke socially and certainly don't do drugs.

I think I've done this to myself. I think I've trained or re wired my brain to behave this way. I used to get reassurance from checking or obsessing and now I don't, I get more anxiety as my thoughts snowball. Not sure this has made any sense so I'm gonna leave it for now. Too much to say and I'm not sure what order to lay it out x

[Deckardblues]

I have a child who is 9. I went into depression mode, although not PND for obvious reasons (male), but my son has added to my depression. Just know your not alone on here, so just write, say whatever you need to say, and forget the order it comes out. This is a great site, and a lot of great listeners. Just hang in there.

[WhyWhyWhy]

Thankyou for the welcome.

I guess the best way I can describe how I'm feeling is lonely. Keeping this away from everyone, not wanting them to worry or even worse mock me makes me feel so so alone.

I'm just your typical wife and mother, you'd probably meet me and think I'm screwed together when in reality I'm falling apart and the sad thing is, the only people I can admit it to is an Internet forum of strangers. X

---------- Post added at 13:46 ---------- Previous post was at 13:31 ----------

It also appears that there's a huge number of people of suffering from health anxiety as there are over 500 people viewing that forum and less than quarter viewing the other forum sections.

I feel like there's a switch in my body constantly turned into FULL and I need it turned down. I also find I get highly frustrated with people who are totally not at all cautious and just seem to be able to live carefree. Why can I? Or indeed why can't 'we'

[Deckardblues]

I have my partner who I admitted too finally last December that I was in depression mode. She knows I am now on Citalopram to help with the depression, but she doesn't know just how depressed I get. How many times I have phoned Samaritans, or that I have even done that. I put on a mask and hide it well. I wish I was like normal people and live care free. Maybe we care too much, or maybe we are just so sensitive to the world, who knows...for what its worth though, my Doctors, says that up to about 40% of the population are depression / got anxieties etc. People do hide it well. We have too sometimes. I can be in hell in my mind, but if you spoke to me, you would never know.

If you feel your falling apart, then at least you are admitting it. I would speak to your Doctor seriously. If I hadn't I might not be even here right now. I had to take the first step to getting better. This site is brilliant. Read peoples stories, read my posts, but you are not alone I promise. Find a buddy on here if you want to do private messages, another female maybe who can really understand, or me if you want too, I will always listen. I just know that you need a release valve. Just hang in there. Just deal with today. Don't think about tomorrow. Just keep on talking, keep on writing, since I find that useful. There will always be someone here. Many great people, who are also very alone, but can feel what you feel.

[WhyWhyWhy]

What a lovely message thankyou so much and I relate so so much of what you say.

I'll take your advice and I hope and hope and hop we can beat this. X

[Deckardblues]

YOu will get there but message me anytime if you want to unload..its tough out there..to survive it is hard..I just know that quitting doesn't make you stronger..living does..we need help many of us..I know I did..and do...we have to start somewhere I guess..I have got bad days ahead..even months..but there has to be a way forward..be strong..your one of the good ones in this world..remember that..