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View Full Version : Coping with the knowledge that I'm a self centered b****



katesa
23-01-14, 14:54
Hi everyone,

First of all, apologies to the people I'm supposed to have e-mailed/pm'd (especially my friend Chris - I promised ages ago!). I've been up to my eyes with contracts and sofa's etc as we complete purchasing our new home and prepare to move.

As some of you know, I'm getting investigated for possible colon issues. I won't use the C word because my doctor certainly hasn't and I refuse to go there.

In addition to the symptoms that started it all, I have lost a lot of weight without trying - infact I'm eating loads! But my thyroid is overactive at the moment and that should be all the reasoning I need.

However, I had a couple of days where I gave in a bit to the dragon. I started asking my husband if thought lung cancer would be missed on the chest x ray I had a few weeks ago if it was advanced enough to cause weight loss. I asked him if he could feel lumps in my belly (despite the CT scan I had being clear except for the kidney stones when I was hospitalised).

After a lot of this he said "You're going down that path again. Please don't"

I said that I was just scared that something is hiding that will take me away from him and our baby. His response? "If you start that again then we do lose you, just not to death."

Man, I'm ashamed. I've stopped it now and refuse to give in again.

But the worst part for me is what a selfish SOB my health anxiety makes me. I remember how focused on myself I was. I remember ruining christmases, birthdays, holidays and even the first weeks of my sons life with my self absorbed crappiness.

It once made my husband feel less attracted to me. Who can blame him? He married a bubbly, vivacious, generous and thoughtful woman who became a hysterical mess and wallowed in her own self pity, who listened to random ******** on the internet rather than him or a doctor and who lived as though she had a terminal illness even though she was pretty much healthy. I would have left me, frankly. He deserves a medal for not doing so.

So after my little wobble I am pushing forward for all our sakes. But this self loathing won't shift. I wont let it eat at us, but it's there. In part I think I need it to stop me repeating the behaviours. But it's a bitter pill to swallow.

willous1
23-01-14, 15:33
I know what you mean Kate. When I get glimpses of hope that's when I really feel most selfish and realise what I've done and ruined. I've left my job now so feel really guilty. Your an inspiration to me though as you always look to move forward. I try and have been doing well but having a set back last couple of days. My wife has got to the point that she will not let me talk about it for one second otherwise will leave. Can't blame her.

WhyWhyWhy
23-01-14, 16:41
Wow

I'm never that good at putting across what I intend to say but I was thinking yesterday how self obsessed I am, I was thinking why do I think everything revolves around me? Why do I think I'm 'special' enough (for want of a better word) to get all these weird and rare illness I constantly convince myself of .

Instead of taking an active interest in other people I'm consumed with anxiety and ocd. All about me! I don't get it. I laughed when I read about you saying 'living your life like a terminally ill person' I can totally relate. I can get an ear infection and CONVINCE myself it's a tumour. Why me

Also... Someone gets an illness and I'm questioning them NON STOP so that I can look out for the symptoms incase I get it, how bad is that? I'm more concerned about me possibly getting it than I am about them having it x

MrAndy
23-01-14, 16:58
Kate I feel the same as you ,I hate how I've become obsessed with my own problems.I have a beautiful wife and daughter that deserve better.Not sure how this helps you but I fully understand what your saying

Andrash
23-01-14, 17:07
Kate,

I think your reaction is totally normal, because your hospitalization and subsequent testings and scans, as well as the fact that you're currently waiting for further tests, weakened your anti-anxiety shield a bit. But don't worry, you're on the right track, you're aware of the problem and doing your best to solve it-and you will.

Even persons without HA are entitled to be a bit worried when doctors are performing tests and scans-it's totally normal. Therefore don't be to harsh to yourself-you'll overcome it.

As for the husband, I'd recommend talking to them, and explaining him just what you explained to us-that you're a wee bit worried about the tests and scans, that you're aware what kind of mess the relapse to HA can get you into, and that you're honestly doing your best to keep it at bay. Believe me, he'll be supportive.

Hold your head high, you're doing great! :) Best of luck with the tests!

A.

rebeccad
23-01-14, 17:11
Well I say well done you for pulling yourself out the hole before you fall deeper, yes we are all guilty of being self centred and only focusing on ourselves , it doesn't make us selfish , we can't help it , if we could stop we would in a second keep looking forward and keep up with the positive thoughts, thought you was organising a HA pride event never mind moving house !!! Lol x

cut_out_stars
23-01-14, 17:13
I can completely sympathize with this, Kate. I feel like I need constant reassurance but I'm so wary of p*****g everyone off. I'm not sure what else to stay but I know what you're feeling. You're a big inspiration to me on here, you seem to handle things so pro-actively and offer such great advice x

Freaked
23-01-14, 18:44
I know exactly how you feel. I've never been a self-absorbed person but ever since I got sick and developed serious anxiety due to my symptoms, I have been. All this fear just comes pouring out of me and I have no room to properly focus on anything else. I'm always apologising for it but I can't shake it. I worry my boyfriend must hate me at this point; I've basically been a wreck for a year, physical and mental.

Spacedextra
04-03-14, 12:27
What a brilliant thread this is Kate - bravo for starting it.

Over the past 6 weeks I've convinced myself I've got LPR, despite my ENT saying that I have some mild reflux due to huge anxiety and stress over my health. I, and Google too, know far more than the doctors, obviously.

I've involved my friends, my business partners, girlfriend and family in my HA and I have to say, it's really starting to p**s them off! And how can I blame them? They're supportive, kind and listen, but after a while, my wallowing seems to just be a perfunctory emotion, rather than one ground in any evidence. And that's not an acceptable thing to do to the ones we love.

Health Anxiety is a demon, a beast, a dragon and it will win if we don't sharpen our tools and fight back. And based on posts I've seen you write Kate, you deal with actual health problems with a great deal of grace, and I know it must be difficult to do just that.

I must stop being such a selfish t**t or I'll cause the people I love, especially my girlfriend, to feel like I'm not the person I once was.

claireypoo
04-03-14, 15:05
I know exactly how you feel. Health Anxiety and constant worry makes me a miserable ***. Even my nephews have noticed it. I used to be 'fun' Aunty Claire, now I'm a Marshwiggle. :( X But don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing really well. Xxxx

Female healthanxiety
04-03-14, 17:24
Hiya Katesa,

Sounds like you have a supportive husband!

I know what you mean about the cycle starting up again, it's like a monster!

Wish u the best of luck xxxx