happyone
19-11-06, 11:33
Hi,
do any of you ever think you are doing the right thing by trying to allay your anxiety then end up feeling like you have contributed to it instead?
I have just received an e mail from a colleague who had been told by another that I was worried how people were thinking about me being off work. Her reply was lovely, people think a lot of me are worried about me etc.
Instead of me feeling relieved though, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach that I even asked the question originally. I am usually such a private person I would never normally ask this as I would worry it highlights my weaknesses (as I see them)
I am worried that I have created concern amongst my colleagues, who don't actually know why I am off. I feel phoney and worried that they think I have a major life threatening illness but I am so embarrassed by my illness I can't be open (I know mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of but I can't help it, it is my fear of being seen as weak)
The second colleague who is my manager, does know why I am off and I fell bad for putting her in such a position where she knows and the rest don't. I know what my colleagues are like and they will think it is 'the management' being ''them and us'.
I have had cards and e-mails from colleagues, but not responded to them, so now I am worried about that too.
I woke up today and felt okay. The last few days i have felt pretty positive and now I feel I am back a good few steps. If I could cry I would, but it is all stuck in my chest and the familiar horrible feelings of panic are rising.
I had just promised to take the kids to she shops (which, considering how little I have done with them recently, is a big treat) now I don't want to go out the door.
Hubby not home til 4 and I just think the next 4 1/2 hours are going to be unbearable.
Sorry, I hate these times. I felt so good about feeling that bit better.
Happyone
:(
do any of you ever think you are doing the right thing by trying to allay your anxiety then end up feeling like you have contributed to it instead?
I have just received an e mail from a colleague who had been told by another that I was worried how people were thinking about me being off work. Her reply was lovely, people think a lot of me are worried about me etc.
Instead of me feeling relieved though, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach that I even asked the question originally. I am usually such a private person I would never normally ask this as I would worry it highlights my weaknesses (as I see them)
I am worried that I have created concern amongst my colleagues, who don't actually know why I am off. I feel phoney and worried that they think I have a major life threatening illness but I am so embarrassed by my illness I can't be open (I know mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of but I can't help it, it is my fear of being seen as weak)
The second colleague who is my manager, does know why I am off and I fell bad for putting her in such a position where she knows and the rest don't. I know what my colleagues are like and they will think it is 'the management' being ''them and us'.
I have had cards and e-mails from colleagues, but not responded to them, so now I am worried about that too.
I woke up today and felt okay. The last few days i have felt pretty positive and now I feel I am back a good few steps. If I could cry I would, but it is all stuck in my chest and the familiar horrible feelings of panic are rising.
I had just promised to take the kids to she shops (which, considering how little I have done with them recently, is a big treat) now I don't want to go out the door.
Hubby not home til 4 and I just think the next 4 1/2 hours are going to be unbearable.
Sorry, I hate these times. I felt so good about feeling that bit better.
Happyone
:(