think i have everything wrong with me :(

[littleblackbow]

New to this but any help will be much appreciated

I suffer from chronic health anxiety ever since I had an unexpected home birth with my second daughter who's now 10 months old everyday every night I panic and can't get it out of my head I panic about myself, my partner, my kids, my parents pretty much everyone I'm close too. I freak out about dying scared I'm not going to wake up or pass out when its just me and the kids at home I can't go to the doctors as I'm scared they will find something wrong with me. In my head I have breast cancer, throat cancer, brain tumor, cervical cancer, heart problems, etc I self diagnose all the time and then I'm convince I have something seriously wrong with me.
I'm so unhappy disappointed that I've missed out on the first 10 months of my daughters life because I sit there and panic I'm only 23 I have a great life but these thoughts hold me back.
What should I be doing? Tried counselling didn't work called every health and depression phone lines. Should I be going to a hospital over anxiety? Or do I just let it go by itself?
Can annnyyy head me in the right direction pleeeeease :)

[WhyWhyWhy]

Unexpected home birth.

This must have been pretty traumatic for you? I had a pretty horrendous experience giving birth and very recently I read something about a woman who developed PTSD after their birthing experience. I've never asked for or had help but you do you think this could be it? If this one event triggered your symptoms it maybe worth looking into. Thinking of you because I understand how you're feeling xx

[Xanderboo]

Hi there, I just wanted to say that you are not alone with the way you feel. My HA started after the birth of my son who is now 9.5 months old...I was OK for the first 6 weeks and then had a bleed which caused me a major panic and since then I've been terrible. I've had tingling which I really thought was MS - I was convinced of it and it caused more anxiety - IBS, migraines, electrical shooting sensations down legs, burning skin, the works. Now I am dealing with chronic indigestion, daily IBS (D) and the worry that I have some kind of cancer. The only thing I can suggest is thta you try to get as much rest as you possibly can and try to distract yourself as much as possible otherwise every day will be the same. I did consult a homeopathist and it was goiod in as far as they let you bang on about your issues toi try to understand how they can help you and the talking did me good. I need to get back there for my currect issues I think. Also, have you considered medication? I hope you feel better soon xxxx

[Tanner40]

Little Black Bow, sounds like classic Health Anxiety to me. I have felt much the same in the past, fearing many of the diseases that you fear. Anxiety can take our minds to some crazy places. Are you on any kind of anti- anxiety medication or medication for depression? I found that CBT therapy helped me a great deal. It helped me to turn my irrational thoughts into rational ones. Helped me to talk myself down off the ledge. There are also a number of great books out there on the Internet that can help.
You've come to a great place. There will be many people here who understand exactly what you're going through. Good luck on this journey.

[saab]

Sounds like PTSD. A traumatic event can trigger massive anxiety because our thinking becomes distorted and we end up fearing the worst in every situation. These are called cognitive distortions - if you google it you will recognise how you think. Logic goes out the window when you are anxious, but it is possible to retrain yourself. 'Self Help for Your Nerves' by Claire Weekes is a great book for anxiety, and Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson is a great cbt book. I hope you feel better soon.

[saab]

Welcome to the forum CB. There is lots of help on here, and the Anxiety Network is a good site too.

[littleblackbow]

Thanks guys :) I just had to get it out I can't talk face to face about it but being on here I feel comfortable I want to get thru this so bad since this has been going on I've gained a lot of weight and my skin is breaking out I never want to do anything or see anyone I just want to go back to being me hope everything is working out for all of yous let's hope we can all get thru asap :D