harasgenster
27-01-14, 12:24
This was inspired by a question I read here about whether you ever really get better - i.e. cured - or whether you just learn to deal with the symptoms. I remember having questions like that myself and there not really being much on the internet to explain. I used to read things like you will never have an anxiety-free life and wondered whether they meant I would feel stressed sometimes (like others), or whether I would always have to contend with and 'manage' the way I feel.
I consider myself to be recovered in that I do not believe I have a disorder anymore. I don't think I'd fit the criteria for anything. I do still find myself overreacting to things or getting a bit panicky now and again, and I still have questions over what is 'normal', I guess.
But I've noticed some major differences that I think I can attribute to recovery and that I want to share with you to show you what you can look forward to!
1) You bounce back To me this is the main difference. I still feel the physical sensations of anxiety to some extent - more a general malaise following a very stressful event than palpitations or anything - but whereas they once would have lasted three months, they now last an hour. I don't think you will ever stop feeling ill when you are under a lot of stress or when something very sad happens. I think it's human to feel that physically. But you really don't mind anymore when you know it's going to pass quickly.
Not only are the physical symptoms much shorter, but so are the emotional ones. A large part of this for me was learning to stop trying to 'fix' the way I felt and stop being anxious, but to allow myself to feel fear or sadness or pain or whatever with the confidence to know that it's self-limiting. You won't feel that way forever, you're going to feel like that until it passes - and it does always pass. You've just got to let it kind of 'play out'. I prolonged my suffering by trying to make myself stop feeling negative things. Had I allowed myself to just feel like crap and believed it would pass, I would not have felt bad for so long. Nowadays, something extremely stressful and upsetting can happen on one day and two days later I can be out laughing with my friends. We all need time to deal with our emotions, but once they've passed, you bounce back.
2) No more panic attacks or severe symptoms Like I say, I do get physical symptoms, but not major ones. I no longer have panic attacks (haven't had one for a few years). I also don't get dissociated anymore (derealisation/depersonalisation) which was one of my major symptoms. I don't feel constantly exhausted anymore, although I do feel tired if I've had a stressful day. I feel rested after sleeping, I have enough energy to keep on top of my responsibilities AND have fun! You will never live a life with absolutely no physical symptoms, because that's how our body reacts when under stress. But they won't be what they are now.
3) Warped thoughts continue a while, but you're aware of them If you have worked with a therapist, you will have identified patterns in the way you think/behave/feel that are prolonging your suffering. I had schema therapy, so I learned about major life patterns. Those who have CBT will learn about warped or faulty thoughts. They don't just disappear. They crop up again and again, but because you're aware that those thoughts are arising from a dysfunctional habit, you don't take them as seriously and they stop affecting your life. It's also a lot easier to brush them away. Basically, this is because you don't really believe them anymore. They still arise, but you're able to go 'oh, I remember last time I thought that it wasn't true' or something like that, and the fear of it just goes away - it loses its power and you get on with your life. I expect that slowly those thoughts will just be drowned out.
4) You don't put up with the same sh*t I guess it depends what you put up with before, but if you're struggling with your confidence, you will gain more. I find that I don't care what other people think of me anymore because I only really care about what I think of myself. So long as I'm doing alright by me and I know my intentions are good etc. then I don't care if others think I'm strange. I do care if I offend someone, of course, as I don't want to cause harm. But if someone is rude to me - they don't like the way I dress, they think it's weird that I become very engaged with my work in the office and can't talk and work at the same time - that's their problem, not mine. I can only be me. This part is very freeing if, like me, you have a history of social phobia.
5) You feel like your own person One of the things a lot of people with anxiety/depression have but don't necessarily notice until therapy is the voices of their parents or other significant figures resounding in their heads. I refused to believe this was true of me for years until I started to realise I was still trying to keep up to my parents' standards instead of making my own standards. My mother was anorexic and still has warped thoughts about weight, but one day I realised they were her thoughts and that I didn't really agree with them. I didn't agree that thin was better. That day I stopped seeing flash frame images of myself looking bloated and ugly in my head, and it was easier to get over my eating disorders. There are tons of other examples, but you start to realise those arguments you're having in your head between 'rational' and 'irrational' are sometimes because you've been brought up with standards and values that just don't apply to you and you can choose to let them go.
------------------------
So those are the main changes I've noticed. Will it be the same for everybody when they recover? Maybe not, I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I can tell you you will no longer feel that you are ill.
I do still get anxious and depressed, I do still get physical symptoms, but not for 'no reason at all', but because something bad has happened. And even then, I can cope. I don't feel overwhelmed. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can survive any emotional turmoil.
The main feeling I get from getting rid of anxiety is the same way I felt when I got rid of my eating disorders - freedom. It feels really, really freeing and it's definitely worth working towards. I guess you just have to believe it will happen for you, and there's no reason it won't.
Hope this is interesting or of help to someone.
I consider myself to be recovered in that I do not believe I have a disorder anymore. I don't think I'd fit the criteria for anything. I do still find myself overreacting to things or getting a bit panicky now and again, and I still have questions over what is 'normal', I guess.
But I've noticed some major differences that I think I can attribute to recovery and that I want to share with you to show you what you can look forward to!
1) You bounce back To me this is the main difference. I still feel the physical sensations of anxiety to some extent - more a general malaise following a very stressful event than palpitations or anything - but whereas they once would have lasted three months, they now last an hour. I don't think you will ever stop feeling ill when you are under a lot of stress or when something very sad happens. I think it's human to feel that physically. But you really don't mind anymore when you know it's going to pass quickly.
Not only are the physical symptoms much shorter, but so are the emotional ones. A large part of this for me was learning to stop trying to 'fix' the way I felt and stop being anxious, but to allow myself to feel fear or sadness or pain or whatever with the confidence to know that it's self-limiting. You won't feel that way forever, you're going to feel like that until it passes - and it does always pass. You've just got to let it kind of 'play out'. I prolonged my suffering by trying to make myself stop feeling negative things. Had I allowed myself to just feel like crap and believed it would pass, I would not have felt bad for so long. Nowadays, something extremely stressful and upsetting can happen on one day and two days later I can be out laughing with my friends. We all need time to deal with our emotions, but once they've passed, you bounce back.
2) No more panic attacks or severe symptoms Like I say, I do get physical symptoms, but not major ones. I no longer have panic attacks (haven't had one for a few years). I also don't get dissociated anymore (derealisation/depersonalisation) which was one of my major symptoms. I don't feel constantly exhausted anymore, although I do feel tired if I've had a stressful day. I feel rested after sleeping, I have enough energy to keep on top of my responsibilities AND have fun! You will never live a life with absolutely no physical symptoms, because that's how our body reacts when under stress. But they won't be what they are now.
3) Warped thoughts continue a while, but you're aware of them If you have worked with a therapist, you will have identified patterns in the way you think/behave/feel that are prolonging your suffering. I had schema therapy, so I learned about major life patterns. Those who have CBT will learn about warped or faulty thoughts. They don't just disappear. They crop up again and again, but because you're aware that those thoughts are arising from a dysfunctional habit, you don't take them as seriously and they stop affecting your life. It's also a lot easier to brush them away. Basically, this is because you don't really believe them anymore. They still arise, but you're able to go 'oh, I remember last time I thought that it wasn't true' or something like that, and the fear of it just goes away - it loses its power and you get on with your life. I expect that slowly those thoughts will just be drowned out.
4) You don't put up with the same sh*t I guess it depends what you put up with before, but if you're struggling with your confidence, you will gain more. I find that I don't care what other people think of me anymore because I only really care about what I think of myself. So long as I'm doing alright by me and I know my intentions are good etc. then I don't care if others think I'm strange. I do care if I offend someone, of course, as I don't want to cause harm. But if someone is rude to me - they don't like the way I dress, they think it's weird that I become very engaged with my work in the office and can't talk and work at the same time - that's their problem, not mine. I can only be me. This part is very freeing if, like me, you have a history of social phobia.
5) You feel like your own person One of the things a lot of people with anxiety/depression have but don't necessarily notice until therapy is the voices of their parents or other significant figures resounding in their heads. I refused to believe this was true of me for years until I started to realise I was still trying to keep up to my parents' standards instead of making my own standards. My mother was anorexic and still has warped thoughts about weight, but one day I realised they were her thoughts and that I didn't really agree with them. I didn't agree that thin was better. That day I stopped seeing flash frame images of myself looking bloated and ugly in my head, and it was easier to get over my eating disorders. There are tons of other examples, but you start to realise those arguments you're having in your head between 'rational' and 'irrational' are sometimes because you've been brought up with standards and values that just don't apply to you and you can choose to let them go.
------------------------
So those are the main changes I've noticed. Will it be the same for everybody when they recover? Maybe not, I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I can tell you you will no longer feel that you are ill.
I do still get anxious and depressed, I do still get physical symptoms, but not for 'no reason at all', but because something bad has happened. And even then, I can cope. I don't feel overwhelmed. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can survive any emotional turmoil.
The main feeling I get from getting rid of anxiety is the same way I felt when I got rid of my eating disorders - freedom. It feels really, really freeing and it's definitely worth working towards. I guess you just have to believe it will happen for you, and there's no reason it won't.
Hope this is interesting or of help to someone.