NE21 worrier
27-01-14, 18:55
Well, this has certainly been a very difficult start of the week. I feel I'm heading backwards, back to the horrendous fear-adrenaline-fear cycle which resulted in me being highly sensitised almost all day in two months off work last year between April and June.
Today I woke up at 4am worrying about work. At 6am, I took Valium for the first time since last June though only 2mg as I was worried about taking any more as I knew I had to get up for work.
For those who do not know, I work in a contact centre for a government department and, at the moment, there seems to be a huge emphasis on statistics (i.e. call handling times, number of calls taken). There are various KPIs (key performance indicators), effectively targets which I struggle to meet. I can do this job (I think) but I'm genuinely just not quick enough at getting through the calls.
As I miss KPI with some regularity, I often feel (am made to feel?) a burden on the team and the department, lowering my confidence on the phone, thus making it harder to hit KPI again. Another horrible cycle. Eventually, at the end of today, I sent an email to my manager outlining my concerns - it read similar to what I've written here.
In better news, somehow I did manage to get through today, and the department is obviously already aware of my past issues with anxiety. No doubt tomorrow, there will be a meeting where I will be asked what they can do to help me. I'm a bit stumped by this questions because, as I say, I can do the job - just not quickly enough for their liking:shrug:
For the first time in a long time, I have all the worst physical symptoms of anxiety (churning stomach, tight chest, lump in the throat, sweating profusely), and the mind chatter has been incessant as you can probably tell from this rambling post.
Listening to Claire Weekes has helped, and my rational mind knows what I feel is just flashes of adrenaline. But I feel so emotional and uptight again, as if I'm tipping off the edge :weep:
Peter x
Today I woke up at 4am worrying about work. At 6am, I took Valium for the first time since last June though only 2mg as I was worried about taking any more as I knew I had to get up for work.
For those who do not know, I work in a contact centre for a government department and, at the moment, there seems to be a huge emphasis on statistics (i.e. call handling times, number of calls taken). There are various KPIs (key performance indicators), effectively targets which I struggle to meet. I can do this job (I think) but I'm genuinely just not quick enough at getting through the calls.
As I miss KPI with some regularity, I often feel (am made to feel?) a burden on the team and the department, lowering my confidence on the phone, thus making it harder to hit KPI again. Another horrible cycle. Eventually, at the end of today, I sent an email to my manager outlining my concerns - it read similar to what I've written here.
In better news, somehow I did manage to get through today, and the department is obviously already aware of my past issues with anxiety. No doubt tomorrow, there will be a meeting where I will be asked what they can do to help me. I'm a bit stumped by this questions because, as I say, I can do the job - just not quickly enough for their liking:shrug:
For the first time in a long time, I have all the worst physical symptoms of anxiety (churning stomach, tight chest, lump in the throat, sweating profusely), and the mind chatter has been incessant as you can probably tell from this rambling post.
Listening to Claire Weekes has helped, and my rational mind knows what I feel is just flashes of adrenaline. But I feel so emotional and uptight again, as if I'm tipping off the edge :weep:
Peter x