I just want to be 'normal'

[Itchy]

Hello all. Mind fart ahead from a new user so for that I'm sorry.

I don't even know where to begin apart from saying for the past 2 weeks or so my anxiety has been really quite bad. I don't know why... I can't control it.. and it's really, really, really getting me down now.

At the moment I'm having issues with my lungs - I can't help but feel there's something there relating to that C word. I find myself coughing and not necessarily because I have to.. but I feel I have to. I've now got a slightly sore/uncomfortable chest (as though I've been coughing too much?). I can't stop thinking about it.. and the more I think about it the more I feel it.. and the more I feel like coughing.

I know I need to stop the cycle somehow but as I'm sure most of you are aware, it's 100 times easier said than done. I have a doctors appointment on Thursday (despite calling for an appointment on Tuesday last week!). I'm sure i'll be told everything is fine blahblah - problem is, it doesn't necessarily help me.

The last time I had issues was with my side.. it took an appointment with the hospital and ultrasound to convince me everything was fine with my kidneys. Problem there being that my good friend (my longest friend) died late last year after a longish battle with kidney cancer.

I can't sleep. I can't think straight. I feel like crap and I'm feeling very down. I just want to be happy. I just want to be normal.

:(

[jillyb]

Welcome! Everyone on here will agree that Health Anxiety is a horrible thing! You'll find lots of support from fellow sufferers, all wanting to be 'normal' again. My current bad time also stemmed from losing someone close, it sort of focuses you on your own mortality I think. Instead of getting on and enjoying life you go on this horrid spiral of negative and catastrophic thinking, well that's what I've done. I wish you well x

[Itchy]

Instead of getting on and enjoying life you go on this horrid spiral of negative and catastrophic thinking, well that's what I've done. I wish you well x

That's exactly how I feel. I lost my Dad 8 years ago to ..well, I'm not actually sure. I then lost an uncle a few months later. Fast forward a few years and another uncle. 4 years ago I lost my mum to cancer and watched her decline and bounce back. We were very close so seeing her deteriorate without being able to do anything to help or protect her really did affect me badly. Then last year my oldest friend passing on from cancer....

Every little twinge, pain, whatever gets my mind racing and I end up trying to rationalise (unsuccessfully) all my negative thoughts. Meanwhile, life is passing me by and I don't notice until it's too late.

I quit smoking on the 17th December last year because I'd had enough of feeling crap. I thought it would help me with problems but it's made things worse. Before I could blame a cough or headache on the smoking.. now.. well, you do the math. What can I blame it on now? There can only be one possible reason in this stupid brain of mine..