Shelly06
28-01-14, 16:55
And I've not been able to concentrate on anything else since weekend knowing it was this close now.
I do have sypmtoms and have been having them for quite a few months now:
- Spotting around the time I think I'm ovulating, though it hasn't really happened that I've noticed last month.
- Slight pain off and on started over my ovary area on the right of my belly button and down a bit, but it has been over the left too and above my belly button and below, so everywhere really but mainly the first area.
- Waking up some early mornings for a wee when I wouldn't normally. And when I had the acid reflux period I had one or two mornings of panic. I also had a mild panic attack about a week ago in the evening.
- I used to have Asthma when I was younger and when we moved later in my life I don't know what happened I just never got anymore inhalers. My breathing is fine, apart from when I panic. And don't know whether to mention this and get a peak flow test done but I know that isn't solely a test for Asthma and I have no wheezing or coughing etc.
- I always feel so tired no matter how much sleep I get. Can't concentrate. Am irritable. Maybe the irritable part is that I'm not happy with my life right now though.
- I have been feeling on and off sicky and dizzy too for quite a while.
- I've had the tingling hands and feet, feeling like my feet are buzzing.
- I've had a bit of acid reflux recently that I've never really had before bad. As well as chest pain but I've had that since I was much younger.
- Back ache/pain.
- I had a bad cold for a weeks over Christmas and my glands were up and they still are, though my gums were very inflamed and sore a week or so ago and my neck hurt a lot so they might be still swollen from that as well. I don't know whether I have another wisdom tooth coming out, thought I'd had them all, or if it was my tooth with filling in that was hurting a bit helping to cause that. I don't have toothache all the time and it's no where near bad enough to make me go the dentist as I'm more petrified of them than the doctors, plus I don't have money for the dentist.
- My legs hurt a lot but then again I do have varicose veins so I guess that's the reason for that.
- I ache all over most of the time. My arms and hands feel heavy and ache. Today my left arm and hand and fingers are really aching and my hands sometimes feel weak and odd.
And a few other little things.
I'm terrified about tomorrow for a number of reasons.
1 - My doctors has moved and I've only been in reception at this new place, never booked in, waited or gone near the doctors rooms.
2 - I'm seeing a doctor I've never seen before as I asked for a woman.
3 - I'm a nervous wreck anyway when I've got to go anywhere on my own, I can force myself but it comes with a lot of stomach ache and fear.
4 - I can't help but think I'm going to sound stupid going in there and stating the above. I was going to write it all down, but if I go in giving her an A4 piece of paper with all my symptoms on is she going to think I'm just crazy? Should I write it all down?
5 - It's a routine appointment so I'm guessing she's going to want to do weight and blood pressure etc, I'm never calm when in the doctors.
6 - I feel stupid at the thought of mentioning my anxiety again. I've seen Counsellors before and a mental health nurse and they were no help at all. I'm also afraid she's just going to want to shove pills at me if I mention it. A doctor years ago just gave me anti depressants and that was it. Should I mention my anxiety and list it on the paper mentioned above? I'm sure I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Health Anxiety, Social Anxiety, mild OCD etc. I've had them all my life and something has to change. I am at home all the time, don't work right now due to me being so anxious, have no money, am totally dependent on my partner, have loads of fears of losing everyone. So want to move out of my parents as we need our own space and the whole living situation does my head in, but with just his wage it would be really difficult. I can't walk our dog on my own for fear of dogs attacking him. When I go out it's usually with my partner and I stress all the time around people, unless I'm in the vets talking about my dog then I can chat to people a bit more. If I go out on my own my heart starts racing before I've left the house, more so if I have an appointment, I feel fear when outside with people leaving my comfort zone and everything. I spend fifteen minutes checking all doors windows and electrics at night in case of incidents, burglars all while people laugh at me and call me crazy. I'm just tired of it all and all the fear.
7 - I'm the kind with HA that avoids the doctors and it terrifies me that they may want to do tests and what the results of those would be. I've only been to the doctors three times in the past few years. Once when I worked up the courage finally to go for my first smear test which was fine. Once as they thought I needed stockings for my varicose veins so had to go for a Doppler Ultrasound on my legs. And then the nurse wanted my blood tested for Diabetes and I don't know what else, on this one I was called back in to have the drink test glucose thing, that was all fine in the end though. But it does still worry me that I might have it now or get it.
8 - My dad was always sick since I was born, don't know what he had but it was a progressive thing when I was 5 he had a lower mental age than I did, he was put into a nursing home when I was 6/7ish and he died when I was 9. My mum was diagnosed with Chronic Progressive MS last year, so I'm terrified that I have really bad genes or something and I'm bound to get something and am scared of MS etc too.
So anyway, I don't know what to do tomorrow, I've been sitting here with stomach ache thinking about it all day and I'm scared that she might actually find something, I'm too scared to poke my own stomach to feel if there's anything there that shouldn't be, though I don't know what it should feel like anyway. Plus I only have ten minutes if she keeps on time and look at that load above! I don't know what to say about my anxiety etc or if she'll do anything anyway.
My family think I'm crazy and joke that they'll come and visit at weekend when I'm locked away either that or she'll laugh me out of the surgery, that all isn't helping my anxiety either but I'm used to that by now. As my family don't suffer with abnormal anxiety they think I'm just crazy and my partner thinks it's nothing and I can just get over it and stop all the 'nonsense' whenever I want to.
:scared15:
If anyone has actually read all of that, well done if you're still awake, I'm sure sometimes I should be bottled and put on sale for insomnia, in my above long winded moments. :shrug:
I do have sypmtoms and have been having them for quite a few months now:
- Spotting around the time I think I'm ovulating, though it hasn't really happened that I've noticed last month.
- Slight pain off and on started over my ovary area on the right of my belly button and down a bit, but it has been over the left too and above my belly button and below, so everywhere really but mainly the first area.
- Waking up some early mornings for a wee when I wouldn't normally. And when I had the acid reflux period I had one or two mornings of panic. I also had a mild panic attack about a week ago in the evening.
- I used to have Asthma when I was younger and when we moved later in my life I don't know what happened I just never got anymore inhalers. My breathing is fine, apart from when I panic. And don't know whether to mention this and get a peak flow test done but I know that isn't solely a test for Asthma and I have no wheezing or coughing etc.
- I always feel so tired no matter how much sleep I get. Can't concentrate. Am irritable. Maybe the irritable part is that I'm not happy with my life right now though.
- I have been feeling on and off sicky and dizzy too for quite a while.
- I've had the tingling hands and feet, feeling like my feet are buzzing.
- I've had a bit of acid reflux recently that I've never really had before bad. As well as chest pain but I've had that since I was much younger.
- Back ache/pain.
- I had a bad cold for a weeks over Christmas and my glands were up and they still are, though my gums were very inflamed and sore a week or so ago and my neck hurt a lot so they might be still swollen from that as well. I don't know whether I have another wisdom tooth coming out, thought I'd had them all, or if it was my tooth with filling in that was hurting a bit helping to cause that. I don't have toothache all the time and it's no where near bad enough to make me go the dentist as I'm more petrified of them than the doctors, plus I don't have money for the dentist.
- My legs hurt a lot but then again I do have varicose veins so I guess that's the reason for that.
- I ache all over most of the time. My arms and hands feel heavy and ache. Today my left arm and hand and fingers are really aching and my hands sometimes feel weak and odd.
And a few other little things.
I'm terrified about tomorrow for a number of reasons.
1 - My doctors has moved and I've only been in reception at this new place, never booked in, waited or gone near the doctors rooms.
2 - I'm seeing a doctor I've never seen before as I asked for a woman.
3 - I'm a nervous wreck anyway when I've got to go anywhere on my own, I can force myself but it comes with a lot of stomach ache and fear.
4 - I can't help but think I'm going to sound stupid going in there and stating the above. I was going to write it all down, but if I go in giving her an A4 piece of paper with all my symptoms on is she going to think I'm just crazy? Should I write it all down?
5 - It's a routine appointment so I'm guessing she's going to want to do weight and blood pressure etc, I'm never calm when in the doctors.
6 - I feel stupid at the thought of mentioning my anxiety again. I've seen Counsellors before and a mental health nurse and they were no help at all. I'm also afraid she's just going to want to shove pills at me if I mention it. A doctor years ago just gave me anti depressants and that was it. Should I mention my anxiety and list it on the paper mentioned above? I'm sure I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Health Anxiety, Social Anxiety, mild OCD etc. I've had them all my life and something has to change. I am at home all the time, don't work right now due to me being so anxious, have no money, am totally dependent on my partner, have loads of fears of losing everyone. So want to move out of my parents as we need our own space and the whole living situation does my head in, but with just his wage it would be really difficult. I can't walk our dog on my own for fear of dogs attacking him. When I go out it's usually with my partner and I stress all the time around people, unless I'm in the vets talking about my dog then I can chat to people a bit more. If I go out on my own my heart starts racing before I've left the house, more so if I have an appointment, I feel fear when outside with people leaving my comfort zone and everything. I spend fifteen minutes checking all doors windows and electrics at night in case of incidents, burglars all while people laugh at me and call me crazy. I'm just tired of it all and all the fear.
7 - I'm the kind with HA that avoids the doctors and it terrifies me that they may want to do tests and what the results of those would be. I've only been to the doctors three times in the past few years. Once when I worked up the courage finally to go for my first smear test which was fine. Once as they thought I needed stockings for my varicose veins so had to go for a Doppler Ultrasound on my legs. And then the nurse wanted my blood tested for Diabetes and I don't know what else, on this one I was called back in to have the drink test glucose thing, that was all fine in the end though. But it does still worry me that I might have it now or get it.
8 - My dad was always sick since I was born, don't know what he had but it was a progressive thing when I was 5 he had a lower mental age than I did, he was put into a nursing home when I was 6/7ish and he died when I was 9. My mum was diagnosed with Chronic Progressive MS last year, so I'm terrified that I have really bad genes or something and I'm bound to get something and am scared of MS etc too.
So anyway, I don't know what to do tomorrow, I've been sitting here with stomach ache thinking about it all day and I'm scared that she might actually find something, I'm too scared to poke my own stomach to feel if there's anything there that shouldn't be, though I don't know what it should feel like anyway. Plus I only have ten minutes if she keeps on time and look at that load above! I don't know what to say about my anxiety etc or if she'll do anything anyway.
My family think I'm crazy and joke that they'll come and visit at weekend when I'm locked away either that or she'll laugh me out of the surgery, that all isn't helping my anxiety either but I'm used to that by now. As my family don't suffer with abnormal anxiety they think I'm just crazy and my partner thinks it's nothing and I can just get over it and stop all the 'nonsense' whenever I want to.
:scared15:
If anyone has actually read all of that, well done if you're still awake, I'm sure sometimes I should be bottled and put on sale for insomnia, in my above long winded moments. :shrug: