Anxiety Wears Many Faces

[Tanner40]

Anxiety is a Dragon, as a friend of ours says. Anxiety is a thief, as it tries to steal our lives. Anxiety is a Trickster, always pulling pranks.

Anxiety for me, this morning, is a Trickster. It tries to make me believe things that aren't true. Last night, it tried to make me believe that it was time to get up, but it was only 2:30AM. It tried to pull the same trick on me at 5:30AM. It made me angry and it made me frustrated, the Trickster.

The Trickster made me try to believe that I was having a heart attack this morning, by tightening my chest muscles, making me breathe fast, and by making my arms ache. I told the Trickster that I knew what it was up to and the feeling began to subside.

Then the very nerve, the Trickster tried to make me afraid of my own rational thoughts. Only anxiety huh, well, then you will just have the monster of all anxiety attacks, the Trickster said. I was afraid that the anxiety attack would come, and that's when I realized that I could handle the Trickster. I would not be afraid. After all, is there any reason to be afraid of myself?

I am the Trickster! I am the one that allows myself to be afraid. It's like the Dragon that needs to be put back in the deep cavern. The trickster needs to go back into the deep recesses of my mind where I can talk to him, but he can't talk back to me.

I imagine that it's a bit like having a split personality: the rational side of my brain warring with the irrational side of my brain. More often than not, my rational side wins. It is still annoying to have to deal with the Trickster on a daily basis but that is my life. I get tired of being afraid. I get tired of feeling bad. I just get tired.

But I'm going to keep right on going. The Trickster is not going to beat me, for how can I beat myself?

[Fishmanpa]

That's an interesting perspective and very revealing one as well. The strength to overcome the demon that is anxiety comes from within and recognizing that the demon itself dwells within is a positive breakthrough IMO. Good going to keep him it in it's place. Over time it will become easier and less tiring I'm sure :)

Positive thoughts

[Tanner40]

Thanks Fishmanpa. I was journaling this morning and this is the thought that came to me. Hoping that others can see how anxiety is capable of playing so many tricks on us. Most importantly, the anxiety resides within and we just have to learn where it belongs.

[Fishmanpa]

Exactly. It's the same with Eeyore for me. There have been moments when he kind of moseys in and I feel him nudging me. It's gotten to where I can just tell him to go back to Ashdown Forest and he moseys on away ;)

Positive thoughts

[Tanner40]

Tell him to go play with Tigger and be happy.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Good morning, dear friends. :)

Excellent post, Tanner. I remember the very first "dragon musing" I posted-- and the conclusion was also that "the dragon was me." It is "weary-ing" (don't think that is really a word.....) not being able to just glide through life as it appears some people do......, but I also wouldn't trade the fact that I am a sensitive, thinking person--- however, sometimes those good qualities need to be kept in check, because when out of balance they feed the dragon.

Tricksters get bored when their pranks don't affect you. They may pull every punch as they get desperate to see their bullying jokes have some success, but stand up to them, look them in the eye without blinking, and see them shrug their shoulders and go pout in a corner.

I especially like that piece about putting your trickster far back in your mind where you can talk to him, but he can't talk to you......we have a rule like that for time outs in our house. When in time out-- we (the parents) can talk to you (the child), but you can't talk to us. We use this method as a way to calmly interject thoughts for our kiddo to think about in time out (such as why what he did wasn't ok, etc). I like this method for our tricksters too! We can talk to them, but they can't talk to us. We will teach them (ourselves) why what they are trying to do isn't ok, isn't rational, isn't the way we are going to live.

Hope those ramblings actually make sense.

Have a great day, Friends!

[Andrash]

Hypochondria has many cunning passages, contrived corridors,
And issues, deceives with whispering symptoms,
Guides us by anxieties. Think now
She gives when our sanity is distracted
And what she gives, gives with such ample delusions,
That the giving banishes the craving. Gives too late
What should be believed in, and if not believed,
In Google only, self-diagnosed destruction.

My (probably very lousy) attempt to adjust T.S.Eliot to health anxiety :D

[Tanner40]

Too Much , I love the thought of putting my "Trickster" in time out where he is not allowed to speak. I am going to use that mental image many times. Awesome.

AndRash, loved the remake of T.S.Eliot. thanks for sharing.