Is this my HA or am I being reasonable this time?

[hangingbasket]

This is going to be a long post but I'd appreciate any input as to whether or not I'm being irrational and stupid?

Tuesday evening we were out in the car and my hubby doubled over with stomach pains. He didn't want to but I forced him to go to A&E and he was soon diagnosed with acute appendicitis. He had blood tests and urine tests which he told me were fine.

Wednesday night he had his appendix removed. Fine.. this is what I expected.

I phoned the ward Thursday morning and they told me it went fine and he should be home on Friday.

He text me and said he was sore and felt crappy which was to be expected. But he also told me they took something else out as well as his appendix. Something which they weren't expecting to find. He didn't know what it was and didn't care.

HOW COULD HE NOT CARE????

I went to visit Thursday evening and he wouldn't let me look at his notes (understandable, I'm a crazy person with medical stuff). While he was in the bathroom... I looked.

Now the only thing I could find was what I think read as Meckel's. I've looked it up and there isn't much about it but it seems to be relatively harmless once removed. Something you're born with, present in about 2% of the population and can cause symptoms of acute appendicitis.

I also found his urine results which he had told me were fine but it said there was a trace of blood.

Now today, I was expecting him home. He just text to say he's not coming home as the consultant thinks he's too swollen and would like to monitor him for another day. He said he'll definitely be home tomorrow.

I am panicking like crazy!! He said it's because he had two things taken out, and it will take a bit longer to settle back to normal than a standard appendectomy. He said he's fine. That he's not worried and neither is the consultant.

But I AM WORRIED!!! He was supposed to come home today. Why isn't he? It's a long time to stay in for an appendectomy isn't it? Am I being totally irrational? Does it make sense that having something else taken out would slow down recovery?

How do I know he's not lying to me and they are concerned, or have found something bad or are doing tests or something???

I totally understand why he wouldn't want to tell me. He knows how bad my HA is. I've told him that I feel worse thinking I'm being kept in the dark and I'd rather just know. He said stop being ridiculous, he is fine, just swollen. He's not worried. He'll definitely be home tomorrow.

Am I being stupid?

Would you worry????

[saab]

You would be more worried if he was sent home and then felt dreadful. You would worry that they had missed something. It used to be common that any op meant a stay of 7 to 10 days, this sending home 1 or 2 days after a birth or an op is a recent thing. If the consultant has said he is a bit swollen and needs to stay another day or two, then I really wouldn't worry - he is in the best place.

Blood in urine is a common finding, my oh had it. Some people secrete blood in their urine, sone don't. If it was a significant amount they will do more tests I'm sure.

[Andrash]

My father had Meckel's-it's just a bulge, or a curvature, if you wish. It's nothing cancerous, not even tumorous-it's a geometric anomaly. If you want some comparison, it's like deviated nasal septum, only in your intestines.

As for the hospital stay, it's normal, trust me. Every person is different, and takes different time to recover from a surgery. Even appendicitis is nothing serious if caught early (as it was the case with your husband), it requires surgery and every surgery is stressful for the body. Your husband's body is just recovering now. Instead of worrying, you should be satisfied with his longer stay-I know this may sound absurd to you, but that means they're taking really good care for him and keeping a watchful eye. That can only be good for his health and recovery.

Instead of worrying and obsessing about it, do something funny, distract your mind, and prepare yourself to greet him with a cake and a broad big smile when he returns home tomorrow. :) And if he can't eat the cake because of the surgery-even better, you have the chance to eat it all ;)

[RoseEve]

I had to stay 2 extra days after my c section because I had a fever. I was very upset at first I thought something was really wrong. Turns out it was my body's reaction to my milk coming in. I also know someone who spent over a week in the hospital after having their appendix out. Everyone reacts differently to surgery. No worries he will be home soon driving you crazy :)

[Tanner40]

I agree with what everyone above has said and I'm sure that your husband is going to be just fine.
The one thing that I will touch on that has not been mentioned is that it is not helpful to be treated as an invalid or a child, due to having HA. Being a part of your husband's care by having a consult with his doctor could help you to understand. Then your mind wouldn't have to imagine the worst and would not be trying to come up with false explanantions as to why he is still there.
I would ask to be allowed to speak to the physician and informed as to the extent of the surgery, the prognosis, and the after care that your husband will need. Keeping you in the dark and not treating you as an equal partner is not helpful to your HA.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

I 100% agree with Tanner.

[hangingbasket]

Thank you guys! I'm sure you're all right and theres nothing to worry about. He's going crazy in there and cant wait to get home. He's been texting me complaining so he must be on the mend :) He said they're just keeping him in that extra day because he had the Meckel's removed as well as the appendix.

Tanner.... this is EXACTLY what annoys me! Being treated like a child!!! I understand it really. He's seen me lose the plot many times over medical issues. But feeling like I'm not being told everything makes me 100x worse!! I'm actually fairly in control of my HA nowadays. Almost better (Said with crossed fingers). I'm not likely to lose the plot about an appendix op recovery. But it bugs me not knowing things. Not because I want to panic about them, but because I like to know what's going on. If I knew the full details, then he would get a lot more peace to recover. I have phoned and spoken to the hospital and I'm sure now that I have the full story.

I am not a child and don't need protecting from things. Yes I have HA but I don't live in a dreamworld, I know things happen and I would like to know as much about them as possible.

Thanks again for all the responses guys.. rant over :)

[Althea]

Is it that he's treating you like a child, or is it that he really doesn't care? A lot of people don't, that much; my father was like that, couldn't tell you what they'd done to him at any medical time and didn't want more information. That was how he liked to deal with medical information.

So is it possible what's happening here is that your husband wants to deal with what happened to him his way and that's not compatible with how you deal with it? If so, can you find a way to cope with what happened to him that's not asking him to change?

[hangingbasket]

I think it was a bit of both to be honest. I asked why he didn't tell me about the blood in urine and he said he knew I would have got straight onto Google and diagnosed him with something. Fair point, probably true.
He genuinely wasn't interested in the meckels thing though. Neither of us had heard of it before and while his attitude is... its out now, it doesn't matter what it was. I really wanted to know. He was just telling me they'd removed 'something else' along with the appendix so of course I panicked.
After seeing him tonight and looking at his notes again, I'm confident that all went well and he's recovering normally with no problems or anything extra going on.
I guess maybe it was my ha playing up a bit although I do think I had an understandable reason this time.

[harasgenster]

To be honest, with something like this, if it had been me I probably would have been curious about what they'd removed and I'd like to know how it worked etc. But that's just because I find it interesting, I think. Otherwise, if I'm completely honest, I would have reacted like your husband. If the consultant says I'm fine, then I'm not worried. I think it might be because with HA you're always questioning so you're more likely to wonder if something could have been missed?

As for your husband hiding the information, I understand that that must be hard on you, but I understand why he didn't want to worry you as well. Does it make you feel any different to see how your husband reacted to his illness? If you had had the same stay in hospital, I'm sure you would have reacted very differently to him, and perhaps your stay would have been much more traumatic than his was? Do you feel like watching the way a person without HA reacts could be a good thing for you? I understand how worried you were about your husband, and that must have been horrible for you, but maybe is there something you can take from the experience? Do you think it's one you could remember to show you how him not worrying about what was wrong with him meant he had a nicer stay in hospital than he would have done and still nothing went wrong?

I don't know if I explained that well..