passing anxiety on to kids

[rushie]

I was just wondering if anyone is concerned about passing their anxiety on to their kids, either genetically or behaviorally, as in either through heredity or by modeling the behavior.

I have a daughter who is 6 and a son who just turned one, and I do keep an eye on my daughter for any signs she might have issues developing. I also talk openly about feelings with her, and she is extremely good at expressing how she feels, which makes me very happy because that is such a useful skill to have. She tells me she "has frustration" so I'll know when she's not feeling calm, and that is very helpful.

One thing that gives me great hope that she will not be like me is that although she is a bit shy when meeting new people, she has absolutely no stage fright. She has already been in musical theatre productions and loves to sing for her class. By her age I was already deathly afraid of being on a stage or even talking in front of a class, so she's off to a good start. :D

If either one of my kids develops any issues, I'm not exactly sure how I'll handle it, but at least I feel like I'm qualified to notice the symptoms early and hopefully be helpful to them...

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Yes, Rushie, I do think about this. (I have a 4 year old boy and a 5 month old girl.)

My therapist said that depression/anxiety can be genetic, but I am determined to stay positive about this possibility.

I am and will continue to recover. I will be in a healthy place to where I can model what it is to have these struggles, but will be able to model what it looks like to conquer them in a healthy manner. I will be able to instill in them the importance of a healthy lifestyle-- diet, exercise, moderation of things such as sweets and drinking. The true importance of not smoking or doing drugs. I will work harder to retrain my thoughts because I am not just working hard at it for me- I am working hard at it for them too. I will "feel the fear and do it anyway" because they deserve to have a mom who is brave, a mom who is fun, a mom who leads and not cowers. And, I deserve to be that mom. That is who I really am. I just happen to have a pounding, racing heart, and shaking hands at the same time, but my kids sure don't seem to notice that. They just see the smiles I have for them, and feel the big hugs they get.

You sound like you are doing a great job, Rushie. Your kids are blessed to have you for a mommy!

[rushie]

Wow, that is an amazing response. Thank you!

I too find myself pushing through the panic to do things for/with my kids. When my daughter was a toddler, I had to quit taking her to Gymboree classes because I couldn't handle it socially, but now I find myself capable of being the "room mom" for her Kindergarten class (last year) so I can objectively see I'm making some progress.

I also try to model healthy behavior for them, but when I fail and am short with her or my husband, I try to apologize and take accountability for my behavior. Part of the reason I'm giving it another go with medication is because I'm falling into old behavior of "losing control" of how I speak to people. Irritability has always been a bad symptom of my depression/anxiety and it drives me crazy, because it's not me. I don't want to be mean to people. It creates horrible guilt.

[Fishmanpa]

There's a thread on the Health Anxiety forum about this subject. It's a rather interesting discussion.

Positive thoughts

[Bonnibelle]

I think it's normal as parents to worry about our children ever suffering. I know I worry about it. My lest is almost 12 and he developed anxiety about 3 years ago, out of the blue he changed and was extremely protective of his family and pets, he worried constantly one of us would get hurt. It was sad to see. I took him to our GP who knows us well and he said it eats not my fault at all. At the time I wasn't really struggling. With any anxiety, I'm a born worrier but my anxiety wasn't a huge issue back then. He said that it wade to a trauma, my brother has mental health problems and he came to our house, hit my husband infront of our son which terrified him. Of course though I felt guilty, I should have made sure he was hidden away upstairs so he didn't see this happen, I shouldn't have let my husband go outside to ask my brother to leave .....

I had agoraphobia all last year after my brother attacked me, I have worried myself sick that my children might pick up on it and get anxious about shops or going out. I've realised no amount if worrying will prevent it, I just now do my best to go out and. It let it stop me and if I'm having a day where I struggle I make sure they're not aware of it and just make an excuse about why I can't go somewhere but they go with their dad. I thinks it's a hard illness to hide away from them, but we do our best to remain upbeat so that they so t pick up on our anxieties. It's what I've had to do for the last year as I didn't want it to imoact their childhood.

My children are so outgoing and confident, I was so shy as a child and struggled. I love seeing how confident they are, seeing them do their concerts, sports.... It's great.

Don't worry, all you can do is if you ever notice your child is suffering from anxiety is take the to your GP for some help. You're doing a great job, don't worry about what ifs, enjoy your children and don't worry what the future may hold.

[vaughanp99]

I believe that a predisposition to say anxiety or depression is probably genetic but obviously our kids copy behaviour they see modelled by us. This was the main reason I finally sought help for my depression. Being self-aware enough to think about the possible consequences for your children, I would say gives you a great chance of helping them avoid having problems.

[Serenity1990]

Honestly, I think passing on such a trait isn't a bad thing: anxiety is a natural emotion that exists for good reason. I think the problem arises when a succession of life events causes this emotion to take over on a semi-permanent basis. Certain people, perhaps those who are more sensitive, may well be more predisposed for this to happen (in a sense their threshold is lower), but those individuals also have many fantastic qualities which is why the trait is increasingly common.

Anxiety about anxiety that is yet to happen is the height of anxiety!

[Charlie38]

Sadly, I believe I passed my anxiety onto my son by learnt behaviour. We have both been standing in queues before both having panic attacks, we see and feel the panic in each other without having to say anything. When I see he is panicking it breaks my heart and I feel so incredibly guilty. He goes to college and has a seasonal job and I admire him so much as it is so rare that he avoids situations. He has been through so much in his life and has his own battles to fight and suffers so much with them. I hate that I am so useless at reassuring him. Luckily though, he hasn't got the avoidance part in him and is so determined to have a different life.

My strongest wish is that he lives the life he desires and truly deserves, not a life dictated by panic and fear.

[anthrokid]

Your daughter sounds like an absulte delight! :) It doesn't sound one bit like she has any unnatural anxiety in her life. I think you're in a position to notice it if she does begin to show excessive anxiety, and it's simple to act on it. A simple referral to a child psychologist/therapist would probably be anough to manage the anxiety if she were to start suffering from it.

I honestly don't think you need to worry much about her. Like I said, she sounds like a delight. I think you'll also find that she'll grow to be a much more compassionate young woman than most, especially with her ability to understand and express emotion.

[NoMoreFear]

This is a big worry for me about my 7 year old daughter. Growing up I never felt able to talk to my parents about how I was feeling ect so I always make time to talk to her about her life, worries and she knows she can come to me about anything.

fingers crossed there doesn't seem to be any signs ��

[Meewah]

Fascinating thread. I too have had these worries. I am a 45 year Old male and worry that my sons will become anxious like me. I suppose I treat them differently to someone without anxiety. My eldest son has had shakey hands since been young and he is very aware of it. I was at that age also. I sometimes wonder if it would be better to explain I suffer from chronic anxiety then he would know that my behaviour is not normal for a father and he can stop using me as a role model?

Not sure so have left it.
Mee

[HalfJack]

I think if you're honest and open about it and aim for positivity then no one can ask any more of you :hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Medical science doesn't yet know why we get anxiety disorders other than the obvious types such as PTSD but the NHS have posted some possible ways that a social anxiety disorder can form based on early life.

Have you thought of checking your parenting against that to ensure you don't enable it?

There is nothing wrong with having that discussion, in fact it might help him...we kids tend to pick up on our parents behaviour but won't say anything so maybe he will be glad for the conversation?

Prevention is definately better than cure in my book for anxiety, we never want our loved ones to suffer what we have.

If it's of any beneift to anyone, I can trace some of my OCD rituals back to my dad because they are what he does. For instance, he does double check windows, doors, light switches, etc so when my OCD developed about 4 years after my GAD, I started doing some of this. Thinking back, I did double check a fair bit which is likely because I saw my dad do it.

[Yossino]

With nature (genetics) a varied family history of mental illness can seem a bit like genetic russian roulette. This isn't only with anxiety but other issues. I have depression, bipolar, anxiety, alcoholism, OCD and even schizophrenia in the history. Lucky me. I'd much prefer my anxiety to schizophrenia.

In terms of nurture (experience) I really think it's mostly about abuse. That's a sure ticket to mental infirmities. In terms of learned things, that's the kicker. That's what I really don't know. I assume it can have an effect, but do I think it really cause it completely on it's own? I'd wager not a high chance.

A sheltered life, without a family history of mental illness, even with a mother who has anxiety. I think the chances would be less considering the alternative conditions. However anxiety is inherent to all humans, and not just us, but any animal with (probably) a multilayered brain. Although I've seen even insects that panic and freeze and/or run away. It's because we all fear death. Depends on how much we dwell on it. Death isn't the only reason we panic but it mostly is. Regardless of what you believe we know death isn't good. It isn't desired.


THEN AGAIN, I like to overthink things. So ya.

[marlowe78]

I am a third-generation anxiety case. My mother and her mother, both of whom I am close to, have experienced panic attacks through most of their adult lives. In a twisted kind of way, I'm fortunate enough to have people close to me who understand what I'm going through. Their symptoms have been exactly the same as mine. I also had a great-grandmother who probably had PTSD from losing her husband and was depressed for years.