Made My Partner Feel Bad

[Tanner40]

My partner is headed to Atlanta today for her brother's surprise birthday party. We have both had extremely stressful months due to work situations and my father's illness.
My weekend is going to consist of cleaning our house, watching our dogs and taking care of my father. I must say I'm a bit stressed about being left alone and with all my obligations. I'm a bit jealous that I can't take a stress free weekend and go to Atlanta.
So what did I do? I made her feel guilty about going and made her cry. She now says I've ruined her trip and I've made it all about me. This is not the way I wanted to start off my weekend alone. I don't know if I was selfish or just frightened or a combination of both.
I know that I said some things that I shouldn't have said. I know I hurt her feelings. Now I have to deal with my own anxieties over the situation. Sometimes I make life harder than it has to be. Sheez.

[Andrash]

Does she like cakes?

[Tanner40]

Sure, who doesn't like cake?

[Andrash]

Sure, who doesn't like cake?

Excellent. There's the plan then: you bake a huge big delicious cake for her, and when she comes back, greet her with that and a big smile, and apologize to her.

There are a very few arguments that a good sweet cake can't solve, trust me. ;)

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Good morning, Tanner. :)

I'm sorry to hear this- as I know it is a bummer way to begin the weekend and the tasks you have in front of you..

Were you able to resolve the conflict at all before your partner left? Maybe she hasn't left yet? Whether in person, or by phone, go ahead and call her and just lovingly "make it about her." Let her know you realize that you let the current, hard situation you are in color the whole picture. Let her know you want her to have a wonderful time. When you talk to her while she is gone consider mainly asking about her and the details of her trip. Maybe try to stay at a minimum of "hard stuff at home" until she returns.

You can definitely love on her in this way and "fix" any sad feelings that may have occurred....., but do not beat yourself up about this anymore than you already have. It won't make her weekend better-- or yours. I know it certainly isn't the same, but draw on your many friends here to help fill in time and conversation as you go through your weekend. You can still have a great weekend- you can be productive as you clean and do chores (put on your favorite music and jam out), serve your father with love and compassion, have an especially lovey time with your doggies and kitten, have some quiet, calm moments for whatever you wish- and you won't have to share the remote. ;)

I am facing the same type of situation next week. And- I have been on the verge of handling it with much self-pity. My husband owns a couple of restaurant franchises, and we have our bi-annual convention in Las Vegas next Saturday through Wednesday. We have so been looking forward to going together for some quality "mommy/daddy" time, fun entertainment, and splurging on extravagant dinners. Unfortunately, with my mom barely in recovery from her many surgeries and getting ready to start radiation, we have no one to stay with our kiddos......so Mommy can't go. I have been so sick in the last months that we didn't think I would be able to go anyway, but I am far enough along in my recovery that I would LOVE to go. Actually sleep through the nights, get a massage, hit the craps tables,,......oh, well. It's so selfish, but I am actually not as upset that I can't go, as I am about the fact that he gets to go. Silly, huh? (Then yesterday I just found out he will be having to go on a management training course that will take him out of state for around three weeks!! Playing single parent is hard enough, but with the dragon still flitting about the thought is pretty daunting.)

Anyway, I am just sending you love and hugs, because you and I sure seem to process in a similar manner in a lot of ways, and I understand exactly where you are coming from today. :)

[Fishmanpa]

Hi Tanner,

Bummer to hear about the fight. Regardless of the reasons behind it, they're tough to deal with in general. I like Andrash's approach and also a bit of humble pie is in order as well. A heart felt "I F'd up and I'm really sorry. I love you. Please forgive me" along with the cake idea and maybe some flowers waiting for her when she arrives in Atlanta would be in order? Take it from a man who's had to do that few times in his life ;)

Take a breath, relax, settle down and pick up the phone and visit 1800flowers.com :)

Positive thoughts

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Ooh! I love the flowers waiting for her in Atlanta idea!

[Tanner40]

Thanks Fishmanpa, Too Much and Andrash. Imwrote a little note and taped it to her IPAD and sent flowers to her brother's house for the party. All is well. Too Much was right in that I didn't have to share the remote yesterday. I can honestly say that I wasn't very productive. I watched several movies and read a lot. Today I am headed over to me Dad's to take care of him, spend the night, and take him to his Monday radiation appointment.
I'm hoping for another calming, relaxing bit of a day. This juggling act that I am doing is difficult and sometimes, I tend to lose reason. All in all though, I don't think that I could be doing much better than I am doing.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Hey Tanner,
Love it that you sent flowers. Being somewhere besides home and receiving flowers would make it all the more special in my opinion.

How are you doing this week? You definitely are correct in the fact that you are doing so, so well with all of this. It is inspiring me as I go through a similar journey with my mom…..

:hugs: