Why do all social occasions seem to involve alcohol?

[Rubicon]

I'm a young female and i feel like everyone else my age has a great social life, which i could have too, i have friends i could go out with but i just feel like every social occasion is all about drinking and getting drunk.

Even going to someone's house, it's all about having a few drinks.. I can't really drink at the moment due to my anxiety and panic attacks but i feel like turning up to these things and not drinking kind of feels weird.. And yet it seems that most young people only socialize when drinking is involved? And sometimes if you tell people you're not drinking, they look at you as if you're some sort of alien..?

Maybe just me, but i'm finding it quite tough :-( People my parent's age (40/50) go for meals, to cafes, for walks, etc but seems people my age are only interested in one thing. Just gets me down a bit, and sometimes makes me feel a bit like a party pooper because i'm not as energetic/carefree dancing etc like my friends are when i do go out.

x

[LunaLiuna]

I know how you feel, before I had anxiety I use to go out all the time and it was all about drinking etc, I was shy, awkward and younger than a lot of the people I was with so I ended up caving in to what everyone else was doing, this ended up with me drinking to much one night which I think started off my problems.

Don't feel down about it, I think it's an incredibly good thing you want to socialise without using alchohol. From what I've observed teens only do it so they can act how they like and do what they want whilst having an excuse if something goes wrong, it's like what people use to do hundreds of years ago when they would wear masks to party's to be someone else for the night.

Your doing a lot better than I did by not joining in with it :)

I'm sure some of your friends would love to go on a walk or something, why not ask them? :)

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Hey Rubicon,

I know how you feel. I am actually 36, and our friends aren't "partiers", as we all have young families, but the social get-togethers most always include wine, cocktails, etc.

I have given up drinking due to my anxiety/panic/meds, but I miss being able to join in the group "like everyone else."

That being said, maybe you can instigate some gatherings that don't include alcohol? I know that is easier said than done.

Regardless, drinking isn't worth it when it makes us feel so crappy- and I have found that although not the same- there are some very tasty "mock-tails" out there that when in the right glass.....make me feel a little more "a part of things."

[msm]

You sound mature because you've been through things that maybe your friends haven't been through? I can't give advice because I'm in the same boat unfortunately

[Zeitgeist]

I would say that drinking is largely done as a way of lowering inhibitions and making people feel less anxious about social situations. I know that for many years it was how I self medicated when stressed anxious or depressed. I am now looking for another way.

The old trick is to say you are taking tranqs and can't mix.

[robinsky]

I am proud to say I very rarely have an alcoholic drink and am not a fan of partying/clubbing etc. to get drunk. Without being disrespectful, I think its immature. Like has been said, its as if there’s nothing else anyone can do to have a good time. When I go to functions where alcohol is involved, I get uncomfortable and tend to find that I don’t really fit in anyway. I am a loner by nature and quite enjoy my own company though there are occasions where I get lonely. I agree with you: I find it very sad that today’s society, especially in youngsters and semi middle-aged individuals, revolves around alcohol. I just don’t think its clever.

[syllacrostics]

Seems a bit odd that so many groups of friends need to go to bars to drink to excess in order to have a good time. I've heard a lot of stories from people about their happy memories with people they consider close friends and they always seem to have the most fun together after getting drunk, like they can't relax with each other and have fun when sober. Seems they spend most nights drinking a lot and "partying". They're in their 30s. Maybe a bit too old for that??

[Ryan92]

Its definitely not just you :) I understand, a few months ago I saw an old friend from school for the first time in nearly 5 years. He said we should go out drinking, Ive not seen him since :weep: I don't really like the taste of alcohol and if I did drink, it would probably make my anxiety worse so I don't drink any. Due to my high anxiety I feel I couldn't do it and he said there would be a group of his friends with him. If I went out and didn't drink I'd worry that they would mock me or worse. When I was at secondary school I was made fun of for not drinking alcohol. I know someone (not a friend) who goes out drinking every day I find it really sad thats all they do, I do feel proud that I don't drink :yesyes:. I think its very sad nowadays, people don't need to drink to enjoy each others company.

[anthrokid]

I stopped drinking when I was 19 years old, and my group of friends were still very into the drinking/partying phase at the time. I found it really difficult and awkward first always being the sober one and not being able to join in the fun, but slowly I got used to it. I used to join in with my friends when they had drinking games. and everyone thought it was hilarious because instead of alcohol I'd have lemon juice ;) I think the trick is to remember that you can still have fun without the alcohol and your friends won't think any less of you if you tell them why you've stopped drinking.

The only time I wouldn't join my friends was at nightclubs. Not only did I just find it boring when I was the only sober person, but I didn't like the unnecessary late nights and stress. My friends respected that and stopped asking me to come clubbing unless it was a birthday (in which case I'd generally join them for dinner or predrinks beforehand then go hoem when they ventrued into the nightlife). In a few years they'll settle down, and it'll be dinners and coffees and casual drinks at a bar. I see the same girls now every week for dinner and drinks at the local hotel and coffee/cake of a weekend. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to wait for them to get it out of their system like you already have.

[Sootica]

Of course there are other drugs as options - just not legal ones - but that doesn't mean they are any less healthy. It would be nice though, if there were more non alcoholic options in bars - milkshakes, hotchoc, coffee etc - it's so dull having access to only one sanction drug that messes up your liver - when we could be using pot, e's , amphetamines etc I haven't tried many of these but I remain open minded- it's an incident of history that alcohol is the drug which escaped long term prohibition, but ironically it's the drug which has the largest PHYSICAL impact on the body. Speaking as a child of an alcoholic parent, I've seen the damage that drug can do - and i'd rather spend an hour in conversation with a smakckhead any day over an allky - so much less aggression. But that's just me and my experience. Personally I'd like to see it all legalised, taxed and regulated. Any feedback welcome - I am open to changing my mind xx

[HalfJack]

Have you thought of inviting them out for coffee or lunch or something?
I don't know what it's like where you live but most of the places I've lived have had at least one cute little creperie, milkshake bar, coffee shop or noodle bar etc that me and my friends went to all the time.
Ooooh! Now it's getting warmer you could arrange a picnic!?

Or you could be the designated photographer on nights out? Gives you an excuse not to dance so much or at all but you can still have a laugh with your friends and go along :)

Hope you find a way around it!
I can't really drink at the moment either, know how you feel.

[I'mdave27]

It's because we've been conditioned that way by the alcohol industry to believe that to have a good time you need alcohol , not true. We then go on to learn those beliefs from our own parents , not there fault though , so we go on living that way without questioning those beliefs. Look at the latest adverts about carling , strongbow they are two different companies but base they're adverts on the same idea... socialising !

[Ryan92]

It's because we've been conditioned that way by the alcohol industry to believe that to have a good time you need alcohol , not true. We then go on to learn those beliefs from our own parents , not there fault though , so we go on living that way without questioning those beliefs. Look at the latest adverts about carling , strongbow they are two different companies but base they're adverts on the same idea... socialising !

Yep, very true :)

[Blagger Boy]

The alcohol in social situations for me is heaven.

I'm trying hard to stop it but it's all i've got right now.

[koala]

I know how you feel as this has also happened to me. I found that while people tried really hard at first to get me to join in with their drinking, the more I said no and stood up for myself the more they respected me and stopped asking me to drink. I still got invited out and went out with them and had a great time. I actually found that after a while some of my friends started drinking less. Whether that was down to them maturing or whether I had any influence I don't know but i think a few of them only drank because of peer pressure and when they saw me going out and having fun without alcohol some of them decided to give it a go themselves. Either way the phase will pass in time. I think the key is to just be true to yourself and have fun.

[KeeKee]

I feel like everything is about drinking too. I hate alcohol, the taste is horrendous and even 1 pint makes me ill (never happened before I started on anti-depressants).
People think its strange that I do not drink and even after 18 months of not drinking (even a sip) my partner still gets me to 'try' certain drinks.
Also, I can only socialise when I am tipsy so I can no longer talk to people as I do not have my 'party trick' which was to get tipsy and come out of my shell. I went out 18 months ago with some girls from college, had 1 pint and couldn't handle anymore. If I am sober there is 0 chance of me getting up and dancing and that night I was the bag girl. That was it I will not go out ever again to be left sitting alone.

[Brunette]

I understand what you mean completely, the amount of times my friends get annoyed with me because I wont go out around town with them to get plastered... I just dont see the point, it costs alot of money, makes me feel crap, they all do stupid things and lose their dignity etc, i dont want to feel crap, sleep with random people and waste alot of money. But somehow this seems to make me a boring guy in their eyes?

You know what, I bet some of them feel the same way but don't want to admit it. And, be clear, if that's all they ever want to do they are the boring ones.

I like a drink with a good meal, a cold beer with a burger, the odd cocktail in the garden in the summer but that whole clubbing, drinking, standing up all night and not being able to hear each other speak is my personal idea of hell and always has been.

[AnxietyDJ]

Goodness, where to start with the whole alcohol thing... I could go on for hours haha :)

It is the English culture in general to blame - I was speaking to a friend the other day about this exact thing and the fact that for a lot of people the default way of arranging to see a friend is to ask "do you want to go for a drink". Everyone I work with who are European (but not from the UK) can't believe how much we all drink.

Also, not sure if you've noticed but us Brits seem to rate nights out on how drunk we were?!?!?!? "Did you enjoy last night?", "Oh yeah, I was so hammered"... We've all had that conversation, surely?!

The other problem comes from the fact that past about 7pm there is NOWHERE else to go if you want to see friends, other than pubs or bars... Continental Europe has cafes open until the early hours and it is perfectly normal to sit with friends having a coffee until well after us lot have finished up in the pub.

Anyway, I will leave it there and stop ranting...

Back to your problem, it can be very difficult when you're socialising with friends who all like a drink, especially if they are all getting very drunk - no matter what anyone says, it's no fun being the sober one stood there while everyone else is laughing hysterically at something you don't really find amusing in the slightest, whilst in your sober state.

As some other people suggested, why not try to sort out a few social occasions like dinner, or a coffee that don't revolve around alcohol - with dinner its fine if your friends want a glass of wine or two, but its not the kind of evening where you're going to be left behind while they're all doing jaegerbombs (well, hopefully not!).

Bottom line is not to feel pressured to have to drink... There are far more important things you'll need to think about in life, other than whether or not you need to get p*ssed :)

[Neon]

I love wine but hate hate hate drinking socially. I fear I'll make a twit if myself so only drink within a very close circle of good friends and family, whom I trust not to laugh at me. I think drinking in youth is still a novelty for many young people so they exploit it to excess. I don't deny I've had some many entertaining evenings 'off my face' but I also interact in many other ways besides alcohol. But I think it's situation dependant. If the whole purpose of a gathering is just to get drunk/party then you can't really expect them to not do it. If you don't like it though you can suggest something new to do for another time or start finding new opportunities and friends who like doing other non-drinking activities. I'm 30 now and as a mother/wife it's very impractical for me to go out partying with my non mum/wife friends. I like going out for meals, picnics, shows, camping etc. And as a result MANY of my friendships have changed. That's not to say I've started disliking people etc, its just that we're in different places in our lives and we've grown up, but apart. They are still my friends though. And now I have new friends who share similar interests (and who have worse social anxiety then me for sure). It's ok for people to party if they want and it's ok for you to not party. Don't feel disappointed that you have made different choices. Embrace your differences and apply yourself to looking into your own interests so you can find friends who empathise and encourage you in a way that reflects you. :)