cpe1978
03-02-14, 15:53
Hi Everyone
I hope you are all ok.
I pop by occasionally nowadays, but am trying not to spend too much time posting as I dont think it helps me that much. My goal is to get to a point where I am sufficiently anxiety free to be able to come back and share any small pearls of wisdom on here with you fine folk!
For the most part I am doing ok. Certainly compared to a few months ago I am flying. I had a dodgy weekend last weekend which just showed me how close to the surface anxiety can be.
I just cannot figure out how to get my brain working normally again. So to give you an example. I have a GPs appointment on Wednesday morning. Quite legitimate, have had a sensation of something being trapped under my ribs on and off for some time. Not overly concerned by it, accept that it is probably a muscle, but just think that I should go and get her to prod about a bit. But then something strange happens.......my brain doesnt relax, it goes looking for problems!
So the other evening I was looking in the mirror and thought, 'gosh, my eyes look dark in the corners'. Then that was it, it was all i could think about. Is that normal? Are they always like that? What could be the cause? Should I speak to the Dr? Is it related to my tinily elevated liver test when I went before? etc etc etc. (those questions are all rhetorical by the way). And so the cycle begins, not in my case any longer of panicky reactions, but more just in a relentless grind of circulating thoughts to the point where it would almost be normal to have an issue.
Now dont get me wrong, I can well imagine that when I go to the GP on Wednesday (and now having noticed this, I feel compelled to mention it), she will most likely say:
1) You're not as young as you used to be you know (36)
2) Do you have allergies? (Yes I do)
3) Do you spend your whole day staring at a computer screen trying to figure out how to improve the NHS and relentlessly rubbing your eyes (Perhaps???)
But my head doesnt accept that process.
There isnt really a point to this post other than to try and articulate the racing thoughts in my head. I also know that some people in the past have beaten themselves up by not being able to make as much progress as others (my name has occasionally been cited), and I just want to say that even though I have made great progress, I do still on occasion struggle.
I also had a fascinating email exchange with a woman from the US a few days ago and we were talking about how most conventional psychological therapies get you from not coping, to coping and that on a scale of say -10 to +10 they take you from -10 to say 0. I want to start pushing into positive figures and I wonder whether there is space to have a discussion of that ilk on here?
As I say - hope you are all well.
I hope you are all ok.
I pop by occasionally nowadays, but am trying not to spend too much time posting as I dont think it helps me that much. My goal is to get to a point where I am sufficiently anxiety free to be able to come back and share any small pearls of wisdom on here with you fine folk!
For the most part I am doing ok. Certainly compared to a few months ago I am flying. I had a dodgy weekend last weekend which just showed me how close to the surface anxiety can be.
I just cannot figure out how to get my brain working normally again. So to give you an example. I have a GPs appointment on Wednesday morning. Quite legitimate, have had a sensation of something being trapped under my ribs on and off for some time. Not overly concerned by it, accept that it is probably a muscle, but just think that I should go and get her to prod about a bit. But then something strange happens.......my brain doesnt relax, it goes looking for problems!
So the other evening I was looking in the mirror and thought, 'gosh, my eyes look dark in the corners'. Then that was it, it was all i could think about. Is that normal? Are they always like that? What could be the cause? Should I speak to the Dr? Is it related to my tinily elevated liver test when I went before? etc etc etc. (those questions are all rhetorical by the way). And so the cycle begins, not in my case any longer of panicky reactions, but more just in a relentless grind of circulating thoughts to the point where it would almost be normal to have an issue.
Now dont get me wrong, I can well imagine that when I go to the GP on Wednesday (and now having noticed this, I feel compelled to mention it), she will most likely say:
1) You're not as young as you used to be you know (36)
2) Do you have allergies? (Yes I do)
3) Do you spend your whole day staring at a computer screen trying to figure out how to improve the NHS and relentlessly rubbing your eyes (Perhaps???)
But my head doesnt accept that process.
There isnt really a point to this post other than to try and articulate the racing thoughts in my head. I also know that some people in the past have beaten themselves up by not being able to make as much progress as others (my name has occasionally been cited), and I just want to say that even though I have made great progress, I do still on occasion struggle.
I also had a fascinating email exchange with a woman from the US a few days ago and we were talking about how most conventional psychological therapies get you from not coping, to coping and that on a scale of say -10 to +10 they take you from -10 to say 0. I want to start pushing into positive figures and I wonder whether there is space to have a discussion of that ilk on here?
As I say - hope you are all well.