What is wrong with me?!

[p1007]

Hi everyone

Theres something which is seriously bothering me, that i need to get off my chest and hopefully receive some advise on.


I suffer with pretty bad anxiety and sometimes, not always become really depressed.

I suppose i have isolated myself over the past few years, and friends i have know since school seemed to loose interest, stopped inviting me places etc..

But i have one friend who has 'stuck by me'. I'd consider him my best friend, and hes called me his best friend for a good few years now.. Although sometimes he seriously irritates me, hes a good guy, and a good friend.

BUT, here is where i need advise

We have lots in common, but theres one hugggge difference between the both of us. Confidence. He's extremely confident, out going etc, where as i am the complete opposite.

He tells me stories all the time of when he went to a nightclub at the weekend, and how many girls numbers he got, all the girls who he 'could have f*****', all the girls who were checking him out at work blah blah blah...

I find myself being a 'hater' and becoming really jealous of him. I get irritated by how happy my friend is...

I dont think its all me, as hes not the most modest person about his 'achievements ' and i can see a lot of people irritated by people who constantly show off..

But its like i want him to be miserable like me.. I even think about friends i no longer speak to and it's like i dont want them being happy, i want them to be miserable like me..

I know i sound like a total jerk but im very aware these thoughts im having arent healthy, and id like it to stop!

Sorry for rambling on, thanks to those who read it all and/or reply!

[Deckardblues]

Hi, your not being a total jerk, i think unless you have been depressed then it is very hard to be around people who are just at one with the world. I find that with people at times. I think how can you be happy when i feel so bad. What makes you so different. On here, we are all the same, and we need people like us to realise we are not alone. But be careful, if your friend was all depressed, he could bring you down to a worse level..

[chomer86]

Hi
I agree with the previous poster. It's pretty normal when depressed to have them feelings. I am tocophobic (scared of pregnancy and labour) and would love to have a baby with my husband but I am petrified and hoping one day I will be able to face this fear as I feel its holding me back in my life. When I hear about friends pregnant or having babies I get really jealous and almost resentful for it which is awful I know, but it makes me feel so sad and reminds me just how much I am failing. Its hard to stay positive when everyone around us seems so happy and we are fighting inner demons but as the previous poster said, if everyone was depressed/anxious the world would come to a stop. Maybe you could talk to your friend and gently touch on the subject he may be able to help. Take care xx

[Marty_67]

Hi, your not being a total jerk, i think unless you have been depressed then it is very hard to be around people who are just at one with the world. I find that with people at times. I think how can you be happy when i feel so bad. What makes you so different. On here, we are all the same, and we need people like us to realise we are not alone. But be careful, if your friend was all depressed, he could bring you down to a worse level..

Totally agree, Deckard.

I would also add that sometimes confident people use this as a front and what you see is not always what you get.

Your mate is talking the talk about these women but deep down he may really wish he could settle down. You never really know what some people are thinking - we all hide our deepest secrets.

On the outside, I am a outgoing type of person and I do honestly love being around people. But I have a very low self-asteem, always have had - even when I was at school back in the day. My point is again that most people put out a front or an act. I am a very deep, analytical person...hence my anxiety. I over-analyse and over-worry things that are not there. I am taking citilopram 40mg (8 weeks in) and it has helped me to stop thinking SOOO much. I have always thought and over-analysed too much - I wish I could be more easy going and let life wash over me more. Maybe it will come. I am certainly feeling better and not worrying so much so the cit is doing it's job.

Well we are all getting things of our chest in this thread aren't we?

Nice to meet you P1007 - the only advice I can give you is for you to try and stop worrying about what others are up to so much and concentrate on YOU. I'm certainly trying this.

I'll bet you anything you like that your mate is not really 'living the dream' that you think he is.

All the best, Marty

[Marty_67]

How's things, P?

[p1007]

Totally agree, Deckard.

I would also add that sometimes confident people use this as a front and what you see is not always what you get.

Your mate is talking the talk about these women but deep down he may really wish he could settle down. You never really know what some people are thinking - we all hide our deepest secrets.

On the outside, I am a outgoing type of person and I do honestly love being around people. But I have a very low self-asteem, always have had - even when I was at school back in the day. My point is again that most people put out a front or an act. I am a very deep, analytical person...hence my anxiety. I over-analyse and over-worry things that are not there. I am taking citilopram 40mg (8 weeks in) and it has helped me to stop thinking SOOO much. I have always thought and over-analysed too much - I wish I could be more easy going and let life wash over me more. Maybe it will come. I am certainly feeling better and not worrying so much so the cit is doing it's job.

Well we are all getting things of our chest in this thread aren't we?

Nice to meet you P1007 - the only advice I can give you is for you to try and stop worrying about what others are up to so much and concentrate on YOU. I'm certainly trying this.

I'll bet you anything you like that your mate is not really 'living the dream' that you think he is.

All the best, Marty

Thanks for everybody's input.

I really agree with you about things not being as they appear. That has crossed my mind several times. But regardless, i believe him to he happier than i am at the moment, and this boasting seems to make me feel worse.

I have been trying to concentrate only on me, also.

I have said how i feel about these things in the past, and i can even imagine how it'd go if i was to say it again, but nothing would change. I feel like the only situation i could bring up these things is to do it next time hes actually doing it.

I dont really know what else to say, i've had these feelings about previous friends and it just makes me feel like im the one with the problem