Communication with suffering partner.

[Walkingonglass]

Hi everyone :) Hope you are all well!

I just had a question regarding communication with a partner who suffers from anxiety.
When I am communicating with my partner, I sometimes feel like he doesnt really listen to me and he is in his own thoughts. If I say something important about my life, for example "I have a job interview on Thursday" He might ask "what job role is it?" I would tell him, and then no more discussion. I feel like he often does not know what to say, and we mostly talk about him and his life. His thoughts are very scattered everywhere, and sometimes I feel like we cant have a normal conversation without him almost losing interest or thinking about something completely different while I am talking... Can someone with anxiety, or has a partner suffering from anxiety give any input on this?

Thanks alot everyone :)

[Phuzella]

I've seen this from both sides and you're right. People with anxiety are wrapped up in their own thoughts.
It's hard I know but keep talking to him, ask for his opinion on things, be there if he needs to talk.
But I think it's really important that you get some time for yourself, to do what you want to do sometimes.
People with anxiety are bloody hard work, you need a break, it's not selfish, it's sensible :)

[Zeitgeist]

All true, one of the things that marks people with anxiety in my experience is the inne monologue getting overpowering.

One thing I find with my partner is that I often talk myself out of saying things in my head.

I.e.

- I have a job interview
- oh right for what
- job x

Inner monologue takes over

- I haven't a clue what that is, should I ask or will I look stupid for not knowin... Could I approach my lack of knowledge in another way maybe ask what attracted her, or should I know that, maybe something practical like is it in the city. But maybe that gives the impression I think she might be leaving, but maybe she is, maybe that is where this conversation is going, oh god what would I do then, how would I see the kids.... Actually what were we talking about not sure I remember maybe if I just go ah uh and grin sheepishly she will know I am supportive of her whilst I spend the rest of my evening worrying about where I am going to live

I would suggest phrasing questions that get him to open up about his opinion, it is often the feeling of no control, at least for me, that kicks cogs into motion

I would suggest

- I am thinking about trying for some new jobs, how would you feel about that? Or what do you think I should try for or I am thinking of trying a career in Y do you think I am a good fit?

Important that answers aren't judged, I often find myself looking for a sign that I have given the 'wrong' answer in situations where the response I would like to give is 'both dresses look identical to me so I would find it hard to make a choice' if I see a sign it makes me all the more likely to not commit to conversation in future.

I think there is work on 'appreciative enquiry' that helps with this sort of thing if that is of use.

[Walkingonglass]

Thanks for your replies guys, really makes me feel better and reassures me that its not actually me thats a big bore haha! Zeitgeist, anxiety is something that surprises me every day. Although I have knowledge about it, and I am still learning, youve just given me points I never even thought about. Thank you so much :)

[Annie0904]

My husband often speaks to me and I answer him about 10 minutes later! Or he can be talking to me and I am just lost in another world, he will then say "Come in number 6" :) It isn't really that I am not listening...when my anxiety is bad I find it very hard to concentrate and it takes a while to register what is being said to me.
haha...I just read your post to my husband and he said "Yes that's about normal...if you are lucky you might get an answer in about 10 minutes"
Luckily I have a very patient husband :)