So scared not sure what to do next

[RobertP]

I'm really not sure what to do. My anxiety has now caused a breakdown in my marriage. When my children talk to me I don't really hear them and I'm constantly fearing the worst.

I posted in the symptoms forum about swallowing issues and lymph nodes appearing which started in May last year. But now the swallowing feels worse than ever, the 2 glands (below the jaw on each side) are the same at about 8mm, firmish and very mobile but I now have another about an inch below (5mm not mobile but flicks between my fingers) and also below the jaw in each corner I can feel another 2 which feel a little over 1cm. While I can't tell if they move if I press them they seem to click in. Also if I tense my throat I can feel what seems like 2 more but these feel huge and sausage shaped. And finally 2 pea shaped hard and mobile nodes of about 3mm also under my jaw towards the back.

Add to that I also have a dull pain below my right rib and a persistent cough (can go hours during the day without coughing but then get a tickle when breathing that sets it off). When I do cough a get a pain on the left side of my chest. I also have a complete lack if appetite.

Recent bloods came back with elevated WBC and follow up ones showed the same but to a lesser extent. Everything else in the bloods were fine.

Interestingly when my second bloods came back fine I felt good for 2 days and ate loads. After then panic came back and the appetite went.

I'm sorry to post about nodes as I know there are a million others but I'm scared and don't know what to do. Although my doctor doesn't seem too concerned I think I need some proof.

[HoneyLove]

Hi Robert, it sounds like your anxiety is causing you a lot of pain in your life at the moment. Have you asked your doctor for help with it, or have you gotten any treatment like CBT?

[scared_ter]

Have you had a doctor confirm that your lymph nodes are enlarged?
You shouldnt really assess this yourself.

[RobertP]

I've not tried CBT but have had anti-anxiety medication which never seems to work.

The doctor hasn't confirmed either way if they are enlarged or not but prior to may I had none feel-able now I must have 9 :(

I do admit that I prod poke and squeeze at least 20 times per hour.

[Fishmanpa]

Robert,

What "proof" do you need? Your doctor isn't concerned.

I wish my doctor wasn't concerned with the swollen node(s) I had on the left side of my neck. When I say "swollen" I mean SWOLLEN. Not a pea sized or a few mm either. We're talking about 2+cm, hard, fixed, immovable, clearly visible and totally painless. I had cancer. Squamous Cell Carcinoma head and neck, oropharyngeal, stage IV. There were no other symptoms. Just the node that didn't respond to antibiotics. The point being, My doctor WAS CONCERNED, it was plainly visible to anyone that looked at my neck.

Nodes around 1cm as you describe them are not sinister. The fact you felt fine for a few days after your "2nd" bloods came back normal is indicative of the reassurance cycle of HA. Go shake your doctor's hand and say "Thank you" and "Thank God" he's not worried! The more you poke and prod them (20x an hour?!), the more they'll continue to hurt and swell.

Treating the real illness (anxiety) is the prudent thing at this point for you and your family.

Positive thoughts

[bluetopazgirl]

I agree with fishmanpa.

I have swollen nodes aswell 3 years + and it's finally sunk in that no docs that I have seen have been remotely worried in anyway - only me. Thanks to google. I had raised wbc once before due to an infection (post C-section) and been fine since but my glands have never gone.

Harder said than done believe me I know first hand, but if your doctors not worried then you shouldn't be either.

Positive thinking x

[Althea]

I'm really not sure what to do. My anxiety has now caused a breakdown in my marriage. ...I'm scared and don't know what to do. Although my doctor doesn't seem too concerned I think I need some proof.

You need to treat what you yourself have said is causing the problems, not what you're fixating on. I'd recommend seeking a referral for CBT, but in the meantime, what about trying the online CBT course? You can find it in this thread:

<http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91696>

[MarkJames3]

I had a node come up behind my ear 3 years ago, it sent me into meltdown because it wasn't painful and didn't move, 3 different docs took a look and not one of them was worried in the slightest, even 3 years later I had it checked by a fourth doctor and not in the slightest worried... mine is probably a couple of mm.

Its going to be there for a while :)

Like fishmanpa said... anything small is generally not considered sinister unless it double sin size over a few weeks, and even then could be nothing.

I woman at my fiancee's work had a lump grow on her leg, it got bigger quickly, she went to the docs and they acted straight away, getting a biopsy etc and cutting the lump out... it was perfectly benign.... a few months later another lump came in the same spot but grew even bigger the next time... again she went to the docs, they were concerned and biopsied it and cut it out... it again came back completely benign! It has now grown for a 3 rd time....

The point of this is... our bodies are weird... things will happen that we cant explain and 99% of the time it will be nothing bad.

[RobertP]

Thank you all for the comments, very much appreciated :)

I tend rank my wellbeing out of ten and when it drops below the threshold of 5 I am no longer able to function. With your comments I made it to at least 7! I find the effect of anxiety incredible. When it goes my appetite instantly comes back, I can concentrate and communicate, aches and pains subside a little and I look forward to the future.

I will definitely look into focusing on treating the anxiety maybe by CBT either online or via consultation.

Reading back I did get it a little wrong, I never get to see the same doctor twice but the first doctor that I saw wasn't concerned. The last one I saw after having the 2nd poor results didn't say much more than the nodes shouldn't be up and just told me to go back and see him in 3 weeks...

I am still worried as I hate having these lumps that I couldn't feel 9 months ago and from my swallowing which started out sounding like a squeak but now sounds like a belch. I have no doubt I will be back in meltdown over the next days but know where to come :)


Take care and thanks