the beast grows stronger

[Kmccluskey]

today/tonight has been difficult. I'm swinging between feeling ok and relaxed to extremely scared with dread feelings and weird discomfort around my upper chest. I have had a better week this week but I can feel the anxiety desperately trying to break me, the old heart pains are back and scary rushing feelings are back in force. it really tests me and my ability to believe it's all anxiety , I cannot get rid of the doubt and belief that I am dying but surely if I was having heart problems they wouldn't be lasting this long without a major cardiac event. still housebound ATM but am seeing little improvements, I don't want to cave in tonight but it's strong and building, the heart sensations scare me the most as thy trigger the " I could just die suddenly " thoughts , then that makes me clutch my phone to have 999 ready sometimes. the thought of my funeral plays on my mind as I swing between feeling ok and feeling horrendous. can sense a rough night 😞.

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

No! You CAN do this! By "sensing it is going to be a rough night" it is so easy to go ahead and just give in to it. DON'T!!!

Get a plan right now……it's already late where you are so do you plan on trying to sleep? What can you do to distract yourself from dwelling?

The reality is that you are not going to have a cardiac event. You are just having a rough spell.

We want to help you through this storm back to the calm- how can we help you right now?
:hugs:

[Kmccluskey]

thanks too much too live for. that's good advice you gave me , I can't just give in to it, it's unpredictable tonight coming and then giving me respite, it's like I got weird discomfort all up my chest into my arms making me feel hot , that went away, then I would get the dread feelings and that I'm going to die suddenly. I believe the barrier I have is doubt , I keep thinking to myself my symtpoms don't seem typical of panic and after a while I reinforce that in my brain, for me it's what if it's not anxiety?, what if it's heart disease. hate the symtpoms, I wish I could go back to the days were I had the head clamp feeling lol. it's always chest symtpoms now. going to turn the radio on to distract myself , do u think that's a good idea ?

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Yes, the radio, an audio book, YouTube relaxation or guided meditation…….anything that helps put you in a peaceful place where your mind can calmly focus. If your intent is to try to eventually get to sleep- maybe the guided relaxation is the best idea.

I know you probably aren't feeling how rational your thoughts are under your anxiety, but I see them as such. You seem to know deep down this is anxiety until the fears sweep through again. Fear is a liar. It isn't truthful.

The chest/arm discomfort and heat- very indicative of adrenaline surge=anxiety. I get the same ….a lot. AND, I HATE IT TOO!

Hang in there. Speak rational thoughts OUT LOUD. Tomorrow you will be posting tonight's success! :bighug1:

[CeeCeeCee]

I agree with TooMuch, try and distract yourself. I bet when you are feeling ok and relaxed its when your mind is taken off it accidentally? Try and think that if it had been anything bad you would surely know for sure by now. Have a good sleep and take the advice of TooMuch and listen to something relaxing :)

[Kmccluskey]

thanks guys ��. your right about fear being a liar, I am ok, I can beat this beast. need to relax and breathe, it has always passed and it will continue to do so. how have you been getting on too much to live for , I had a little read of your dragon post, you still fighting ?

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thank you for asking. :)

I am doing pretty well! Waaaaaayyyy better than just a few months ago…..truly the difference between living and only being alive……., but the fight does wage on!

And, truly, you sound really good right now. Just keep repeating the truth you said above:
"I AM OK. I CAN BEAT THIS BEAST. NEED TO RELAX AND BREATHE. IT HAS ALWAYS PASSED AND IT WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO….."

And, then one day--- you will be past it completely. :)