Maybe its time to accept this IS me

[belle]

Having a really hard time just lately. Marriage is NOT good and i'd say there's not a lot of chance of us lasting past Christmas. We're rowing constantly causing more anxiety and stress. He's always miserable and i'm not much better. I've been having more and more panic "episodes" and its making me feel like i'm never going to be free of agoraphobia, panic or anxiety.
Perhaps its time just to accept this is the way my life is meant to be, i'm too exhuasted to keep fighting, everyday gets harder and harder.
I don't know..
Sarah

[LickeyEndBlues]

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sarah}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

Hey kiddo,

it's the illness that isn't helping not you. You are in the middle of a horrible time but YOU will get better. There are loads of folks in here who can relate to where you are at and can help you with where you want to be.

This is just a sh!tty phase, you wil get over it and be a better person because of it.

If you ever want to chat PM or email me.

Iain

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

[monty]

know just how you feel :( lucy x

[Ness]

Hey sarahc

I know how bad things can get with people who you love when your suffering from anxiety issues. I may not be married, but I know there have been many times when the people around me have felt the strain that these issues can cause. I also suffer from panic attacks and mild agrophobia, and there have been many times that my loved ones have wanted to disown me lol. My partner has been to hell and back with me before, but because we talk about how where both feeling instead of defending ourselves, our relationship has grown stronger. Have you actually sat down and spoken to your husband about how your feeling? Maybe he needs to learn a bit more about the issues your having so that you can both work together to improve things. You've got to let him know that its important for him to remain positive, otherwise your stress increases and results in a rift between you both, causing more arguments. At the same time though remember that hes just worried for you and he wants you to be happy, so be understanding of his side. Tackle the problem now before its 2 late.

Good luck and hope this helps!

Love Ness :)

[Piglet]

I think accepting that you have a tendency towards anxiety is no bad thing, the same way lots of people have to accept things about themselves. Remember though this is a small part of who you are not the whole deal is it!!!

I remember Claire Weekes saying that the long term goal is to learn to live alongside anxiety - we cannot and should not be aiming to rid ourselves completely of it, as that wouldn't be normal, let alone achievable.

When we hit blackspots we have to take into account how we are and do what we can to sensibly lessen the load. Is your marriage causing you stress, or is your stress causing your marriage to be bad?? Which came first?

Love Piglet xx


"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Granny Primark]

Hi sarah,

BIG HUGS FOR YOU.
Things will get better for you im sure.
Anxiety does put a huge strain on relationships and friendships.
From a personal point of view i found that when i started suffering friends and family found it difficult to except the change in me. Theyd been used to only seeing the bubbly full of fun Lynn. They found it difficult to except that the things i used to be able to do i just couldnt, yet there was no physical reason reason for not doing them.
Ive felt in the past that i was meant to be ill with panic and anxiety for the rest of my life. Never going to be able to go to the local town or go on holiday.
I can now go to the city centre, not on my own yet, but with my daughter, hubby or a friend. Ive even started believing that i can go on holiday again and even go to work again.

Just dont give up hope, believe in yourself and im sure things will start improving.
Its hard to believe im saying this cus just 3 months ago i too reached rock bottom.

Take care sarah and remember were all here to give support.
Please feel free to pm me anytime.

LYNN xx

[Lindalou64]

I AGREE WITH LYNN..YA JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YA SELF AND STAY POSITIVE...AND WITH YA HUBBY IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN AND EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT THIS IS A DISORDER YOU DIDNT ASK FOR IT AND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HE CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR GOINH THROUGH SINCE HES NEVER HAD IT I KNOW ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN TO OTHERS.......BUT YA WILL GET BETTER I SUFFER WITH AGRAPHOBIA AND THE PANICS ATTACKS ......I WISH YA THE BEST
TC XXLINDA[8D]

[yorkylover]

Hi sarah sorry to hear your having such a crap time pet.Its not you its your illness.You have alot on you plate at the mo which isnt helping your anxiety.Things will get better pet.;)

Ellen XX

[belle]

Hi everyone..
Thank you so much for your responses.

With regards to my husband, we've spoken about my illness many times but he tends to put the pressure on to get better by saying how we "can't be a normal couple", but he MARRIED ME knowing i was agoraphobic. I've was given an ultimatum last March that i HAD to get a job or he was leaving me. I DID get a job as a barmaid, but sadly my mother has to pick me up like a baby and take me there. I feel effing useless as a wife and mother. My husband has pointed out many times that as a mother i suck because i can't do "normal stuff" with my boy.
My husband is a very outgoing, independent man and i KNOW (because again he's told me), he see's me as a burden, i feel crap enough, i don't need him telling me aswell.

Sarah

[scaredycat2001]

hey sarah,
no advice im afraid but have a hug instead

((((((((((HUG)))))))))))
im also feeling really crap at the mo

hope things ease a bit for you

scaredycat

[Piglet]

Hun if you get time (infact make time) then I want you post again telling us what strengths you think you have and what you bring to your family.

I will start you off with a few I think I possess as examples

1. I am a good listener.
2. I am kind and sympathetic/empathetic (if that's a word)
3. Always there.
4. I take care of my piglets, washing, cleaning, feeding and generally holding the house together.
5. I am creative and arty and have been able to make costumes, help with school projects etc etc.

(at this point I had to stop myself and remember this is your thread not mine - I could have got quite carried away [:I][:I])

You see although we may not be able to do certain things at the moment doesn't mean we arn't useful in other areas. Everybody has their own particular strengths and weaknesses and you are no different mate.

Much more appropriate to concentrate on what we can offer not what we currently can't!!![Yeah!]

Go on have a go -you'll be surprised!!:)

Love & hugs

Piglet :D

[lisa p]

Sarah,

I can relate to how you are feeling 100%. I am not able to take the children out with my hubby and feel very guilty, but since I confessed a few months ago how crap I was feeling, my hubby came up with a perfect solution. We now split the weekend, one day he is in charge, so he takes them out and does fun things with them, and the next day I have them, to enable him to decorate etc! and I do lots of things at home with them, like cooking, art and craft, etc.

I use to feel so guilty but I dont anymore, I think its good that they are having quality time with us both. Like you I have sort of decided well this is my life now, can only just about do the school run and the local shop, but so what, like somebody once posted to one of my postings, when the children come home from school etc, I am here waiting, I try to make each day special, if I cant collect them from school or go to a school event, I will have a special tea waiting or will make them a special cake!.

My son is 9 and my daughter is nearly 5 and when I ask them how they feel about mummy being ill, my son says thats fine, youre very special and it doesnt matter that we dont go out as a family, you make every day special to us, and we love you no matter what, made me cry, but he is a good lad to say that , and my daughter just says never mind!

You are not a burden, never think that, when people put us under pressure and we are extra stressed are condition worsens. Try and stay positive, I agree with Piglet think about all the good values you have.

Take care

Love Lisa p

[yorkylover]

Im so sorry your hubby is not very supportive.You are not a useless mother or wife and dont let anyone tell you that.You have an illness,you cant just pull yourself together.It is hard for the family,unless they have been there they dont understand.But they can still be there for you.Telling you negatives things just makes you more anxious.Telling you to get a job or hes leaving you is out of order,you will just get more anxious.
Just remember your a good wife and mother.;)

Ellen XX

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Sarah, I was a barmaid for 10 years, going through a pain in the ass marriage at the same time. My anxiety was probably at it's worst and I really didn't feel like having to get ready and go and be "sociable" behind the bar. I used to dread getting ready for work in the pub, but once I got there and relaxed, I really enjoyed it. My problems didn't seem so full on, because there was always someone else in the pub with worse problems or someone who would listen to me bore them with my symptoms. They all told me to get out of the marriage because people knew my hubby and what he put me through. I had 3 children at the time, the youngest just a baby; couldn't even trust hubby to look after them when I was working, my mum had to do it. I worried myself sick about my marriage breaking up, but looking back on it now, it was probably the best thing I ever did, even though I didn't think so at the time. My anxiety is "controlled" now. I'm just off meds, had been for a few weeks now, still have the odd adrenalin rush to the head, but my kids are tons more relaxed because I'm not as jumpy as I used to be. Just making your kids laugh and be happy is all that they need. My 9 yr old daughter has just written her letter for Santa's post box and it says "I want all the lonely families who only have mummies (applied to single daddies too!!) to have the best christmas ever because my family is more important and I want everyone to be friendly and to pass it on that I love my family" She has then put "P.S. everybody please be happy on Christmas Day". Bless her, she hasn't even put her list of toys on the letter! I wouldn't worry too much about your hubby's threats, mine did it all the time but in the end I walked out on him and no-one could believe I'd ever find the strength to do it. It's amazing how the tables turn once you show a bit of strength and self worth.

Hope things sort themselves out for you soon, especially with Christmas coming up.

Take care.

Les, xxx

[belle]

Hi..
Ellen..i guess he thought he would do me a favour by putting the pressure on, maybe? Who the heck knows. I do know is that i can't cope with being told i am all the bad things in the world (and some!). I NEVER asked to become agoraphobic and whether it makes me a defeatist person for not overcoming it, then thats me!!!

Les...Where i work they have NO IDEA that i suffer with any kind of mental health problem, they all think i am slightly mad, but they thought that when i worked there back in 1997 when i was "normal"...lol Thats so cute what your daughter wrote, my son won't write one at the moment, because he says there is nothing he wants! Saves me some money..lol!
I do spend a lot of time and maybe too much money on my 8 year old son trying to make up for all the things he's missed out on by having a "crazy" mummy. Its only a matter of time before he'll want to know why we can never go out up the town together with granny. I'm scared that he's going to ashamed of me, i flipping well would be if i had me as a mum.

Sarah x

[keef737]

Helo Sarah I started to have panic attacks from 9 am to 2 pm and often
one at night ! and I was a bag of nerves for weeks I could wake up at 7 am and they started I even made my docter nervous !!! he panicked just listening to me, my freinds escaped !!!! and some other friends who also suffered from panic attacks I drove them mad well the more I read, the more I found answers I made steps every day and made progress, in the beginning panic panic panic and now when I read the forums and got the help I needed, understanding whats going on ???? good food ( avoiding caffine ) and breathing exercises and slowly and surely im getting better, for me finding the answers and knowledge on Nomorepanic has made a big difference +++ Sarah your in the right place at the right time Sarah look how many freinds your making. replies and help and this is just the begining ! be positive, have confidence, and things will get better, and being here for me I do know, for sure YES ! YES ! it has got better XX keith