Ugh- A little irrational…..

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Hey Friends,
For the most part I don't do too badly with irrational thoughts. The main times I get that panicky feeling is when I fear something bad happening to my immediate family. I don't live in that place, but we have had a lot of trauma the last three years, so it is easy to flashback and go there when anything new arises.

My husband just left for Vegas for a business convention. I was supposed to go too, but with my mom having just had a mastectomy and three more reconstruction surgeries she is not able to keep our 6 month old and 4 year old (of course), so I am staying home. We are bummed, because we love each other's company and were looking forward to some long overdue "mommy/daddy" time together.

I was doing pretty well not getting overwhelmed as he was getting ready to leave, but then just as we were saying our goodbyes and praying over our family I started panicking with irrational thoughts of "what if he doesn't come home?" (plane crash, car wreck, etc.). I started to cry (the kind of cry when you are trying to hold it in as to not make everyone sad, but the tears were just starting to run). He took me aside away from the kiddos and asked me what was wrong. When I told him he just hugged me and reminded me that I am having irrational fears, and encouraged me to post on here for encouragement as soon as he left. So that is what I am doing.

I know come Wednesday night he will be home safe and sound, and I will do fine with the babies while he is gone. Those scary thoughts just take my breath away. I am now steering clear of them though. Shut up, Dragon.

[LunaLiuna]

You recognised them being irrational which is the hardest part, so well done!

I suspect your little dragon may be a little hungry, keep aiming that gun of rationality at him and watch him shrink even more.

Perhaps even think of all the good things that could come out of that convention :)

Keep going TooMuch!

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thank you, Friend. :hugs:

:hugs::hugs:

[Phuzella]

I'd say your worries are quite normal, not irrational. It's understandable to miss someone you love.
I'm sure you'll speak to him while he's away. Do they have phones in Vegas, it's in the middle of the desert right?:doh::D:D

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thank you, Phu. :)

I'm already doing better. I will miss him, but we will talk a lot. It was more just the irrational panic of something happening to him that I needed to stop in its tracks.

Gonna try to exercise today, too, if i can get my little monkeys to cooperate. Get those endorphins flowing. ;)

[Phuzella]

Yes I do understand. Exercise is a good idea, I've just eaten quite a lot of chocolate so treadmill here I come lol

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Ooh--- chocolate- an even better idea! :winks:

[Phuzella]

Yum yum. It was 70% dark chocolate so it's given me a bit of a headache but soo worth it :D

[Annie0904]

My husband works away from home a lot and is often away for 4 nights. Sometimes I panic and cry when he leaves but then like you have done I talk some sense into myself :) Quite often I find I enjoy a little time to myself. I can watch chick flicks, eat chocolate, do some retail therapy :) I talk to my husband every night on the phone and sometimes on skype. He will be back before you know it and you have big boy Colt to take care of you and give you lots of hugs :) xx

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Thank you, Annie. :)

Yes, he will be back soon. Don't know why thoughts of something catastrophic would even pop in my head. Oh, yeah, I deal with an anxiety disorder! LOL!

Yes, Colt is the "man of the house" right now. ;)

[Spondoolicks]

Hey Too Much, just take a step back and think where you're at. Not so long ago you were in the midst of fright or flight panic constantly. Now look at you! The strong Independant woman that you are. The strength that, that has taken is amazing. You are stronger than these weak and feeble thoughts that we all know are anxiety or in your case your dragon fighting to be let out if it's cage. You will be fine, your children will love mummy time and just keep thinking towards your husbands return. You will beside yourself with pride and overcome with joy at his return. Skype is a wonderful tool. I use it quite regularly to talk to my daughter in Texas. It's our only visual communication and if does just about feel my pining for her. She has not long had a new baby and it's my goal to get past my own monster and get back on that plane to see my new granddaughter. Take care, fill your time with wonderfulness and enjoy your babies and watch that time fly. You will soon be reunited with your beloved :)

[Tanner40]

Hey Too Much, I used to travel sixty percent of the time for my old job. It's always hard leaving and being the one that is left behind. It's especially hard when you were looking so forward to going to Las Vegas with him.
Congratulations on putting that pesky dragon in her place and recognizing your irrational thoughts. I'm having a few of those of my own today. Keeping busy for awhile really helps. Finding something that you can do for yourself will also help. Play with those kiddos of yours and find something to laugh about. He will be home before you know it.

[Montana2]

Toomuchtolivefor, like you my fears are all wrapped around my family's health. And you know I am having a rough, rough time. But now it is my time to encourage you. Your sweetheart will be fine. My husband works for the airlines, he is 3-4 days out, 3-4 days in. He is always in planes, cars, hotels, in bad weather, windy, snowy, ice, landing with minimum visibility......Not once has he said he is nervous or afraid.....he always comes home safe and sound. So be reassured that there is almost 100% chance he will be home fine. But let me tell you, our minds are amazing, knowing all this, the other day I was keeping track of his flight on a map, and I saw the plane was taking a turn toward Canada. My heart started pumping, thinking the worst, I went through the pessimistic list of things, that have never happened, and will probably never happen. Just like your mind is now. Cause of diversion? Oh, just trying to find less rough winds looking for a smoother flight..... Something that happens every single day!

[Tanner40]

Diversion - trying to find smoother winds, looking for a less rough flight. Wow, isn't that what we are all doing everyday? Interesting parallel.

[LeFi_81]

OH TMT!!!

I am exactly the same! On the other hand, if I were to go away with hubby, I would fret the entire trip if I would see my kiddies again.

It is so funny. We have these thoughts and to us in our minds they are alive. Then we write it down and the more we share it, the more we see how silly we are.

Luna is right. You recognized the evil thinking pattern and that is already great! Plus, you are not in control but He is and He listens.

Strongs girl. Thinking of you!

Btw...my hubby is also going to Geneva on Wednesday for 3 days. Already preparing myself. Its tough for me, since my "breakdown" was just 10 days ago and my nerves are still healing. Will get through it if I choose it. So I plan a nice family bed and all the trimmings to it :)

[beauty]

As others have said it is great that you realise and accept that the thoughts are irrational. That's something I haven't been able to do yet and it is hindering my recovery.

I hope your weekend is going well xx

[KLP]

I know what you mean, when you have your family unit around you they become your comfort blanket, when the balance gets tilted it sends you into panic mode.
I get like that every Monday morning when my husband goes to work.

I also think dreadful things, stupid things, like my husband and my two year picked me up at the train station today and even before I'd arrived I'd envisaged my son falling off the platform onto the railway track. Crazy I know. I tell myself off, and say 'It's just a thought', I can't believe I've even had that thought, but sometimes I think, if I think it, it'll not happen!!!!! Reverse sociology? Argh! drive myself round the bend.

Having spoken to other mums, they say that thoughts like yours and mine regarding your family and predicting terrible scenarios are pretty normal even for those that don't host a dragon!!!