Please help - what is happening to me.....

[monty190]

Hi all,

I don’t quite know where to start, but I have never been to scared, terrified or helpless than I have over the last 5 days. I’m hoping people can offer me advice and guidance, as currently I have no idea what is happening to me or how to make it go away.

Over the past 6 months, I’ve been ill with Labyrinthitis, an inner ear issue, which came to a head on Tuesday. Aswell as the balance issues, I’ve had weak legs for months and I had convinced myself that I had MS and was whipped into a frenzy, my mind was racing and nothing could calm me down. Then on Wednesday, I found out that I would be losing my job (all contracts wouldn’t be extended) and therefore I would also have to leave my flat, the tenancy comes to an end in March.

Since then (5 days ago), I’ve moved in with my parents again as I literally cannot cope, I’ve had panic attacks, overcome with anxiety, whipped into a frenzy, considered suicide, wanted to be sectioned and haven’t slept since. I don’t know what to do.

I saw my Dr on Thurs, reassured me that I didn’t have MS, but prescribed me diazepam to help me sleep. He also made me refer to a charity that assists with having a ‘healthy mind’, however this interview/assessment won’t happen until 17th Feb. I need help now. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I’ve started having horrendous, perverted thoughts, REALLY nasty, what I can’t even type on here. I’m the most caring, nurturing person ever, yet I’m so angry and want to hurt someone (this comes in waves). The thoughts are the worst, I don’t know how or why I’m thinking them.

Now I’m convinced I have a serious mental illness and I won’t be the same person again. In the last 6 months, I’ve also met my girlfriend who is absolutely fantastic, I’m so terrified I’m going to lose her.

I’ve been feeling like this for coming up to a week now and I don’t know what is wrong or where to turn. I feel so alone and I’m terrified of what I might do.

This is a massive meltdown and my mind is racing, I don’t know what to think or what to do.

I’ve been running, learning meditation, looking at CBT videos on YouTube, which have helped since the original bout, but I still get long periods of worry, panic and I’m terrified.

I don’t know what to do. Please someone help or reassure me as I don’t what to do. I just want to be the person that I was not long ago.

I don’t know how to make this go away.

[Zeitgeist]

First stop, take a breath and recognise that this is a low, but one that will end, you will get better, you may not know how yet but you will.

I was at a similar point a few months ago, everything closing in and no route out.

Youave made the first step recognising you need help.
The second is to assess what you can affect right now, you have moved in with your parents, you have organised a meeting with the charity. This is good. Concentrate on what else can be done, get the doctor to prescribe something for sleep, possibly Mirtazapine, or if you prefer go to a shop and get some nitol, sleep is critical right now.
You can't do anything about your thoughts or your job, or your wider health right now, put it aside to come back to later.
Make a list of things you can do that will improve your immediate well being, walking, running, TV whatever and then do it, the trick is to focus on small things you can control.

Hope that helps, it will get better, I am now far more settled and working to a plan, it has had its ups and downs but today is better than I wasyesterday and tomorrow I will be better again. Good luck, keep talking, I know how dark it must feel right now, it will get better.

[shakey1961]

Hi Monty190. I've sent you a private message.