Tips needed for positive thinking

[ParanoiaCaterpillar]

Hi everyone

I am looking for some help/ideas/positive thinking to help me manage my health anxiety a little better. My first memory of worrying I might be sick (ok, dying!) was when I was 16 and posters for bowel cancer at a local club convinced me I must have it. I also had a friend who was dying of cancer at the same time, I am unsure if this is related to my problems but I do tend to fixate on cancer rather than heart attacks, strokes etc.

Over the years (I am now 28) I have at times put it to the back of my mind, but when I had my little boy 2 years ago, my paranoia sky rocketed and I have diagnosed myself with every cancer possible and been to the GP for reassurance on countless occasions. I think it is because I am so scared of dying and leaving my little one behind. I also have this fear that if I died he wouldn't remember me, my husband would replace me and he would have a new Mummy. Just typing this makes me cry!

I currently think I could have skin cancer, breast cancer and bowel cancer. Even though I have been reassured by the GP I have none of these, at least once in the last 6 months.

Basically I'm just looking for some tips on how to push these thoughts to the back of my mind and start enjoying life with my lovely family :) rather than thinking 'I have a great family, lovely home, surely I'm too lucky, something has to go wrong?'

Any advice welcome, thanks

[cpe1978]

Hi Caterpillar (hope you don't mind the abbreviation)

I read your post and in honesty it could be me. The thing that kicked off my anxiety was both having children and also learning that my father had renal cancer when I was about 6 about 30 years ago. He was told he was going to die, but then someone took a chance on surgery and he is now 64!

My health anxiety has really been massively significant for the past six months or so,a me although I still struggle I am doing far better. I have made various posts on here over the months about what has helped me, but wanted to reply specifically to you. It is important to know though that this is just how I have handled things.

Firstly, we are all going to die. However in spite of the common HA mindset the chances of that happening anytime soon is slim. For example, statistically speaking you have a 1 in 1000 chance of dying in the next year. If you rule out self harm and accident then it is roughly half of that again. Try setting up an online random number generator and setting it with a scale of 0-2000 and see how long it takes to hit your number. Of course things happen, but it seems silly to me to live on a 99.95% improbability.

Secondly I developed a plan. Firstly I needed to tackle the fact that I needed constant reassurance. I did that by setting up a six weekly docs appointment and channelled it for a period of time. I also stopped posting on here, and in fact in recent weeks have stopped visiting because I think the 'symptom' posts just keep people locked in a cycle of reassurance and negative counselling.

Thirdly I paid for CBT which I have to say has been good. I think it has got me from a -10 to a zero which is definite progress. I am not exploring other forms of therapy to try and inject some life into myself again which I have lost so much of.

A poster on here called skippy sums it up well. You have to fear not living more than you fear death.

I have just bought a book recommended by my therapist on ACT therapy called 'Get out of your mind and into your life' at the moment this seems like a good book.

The other thing I believe is that you can't force yourself to think positively. Or more realistically not to think negatively. I believe you have to work on the things you can affect such as your reaction to negative thoughts, your behaviours etc. I hope that over time my thoughts will follow and that I will lead something approaching a normal life again.

Good luck,

Chris

[ParanoiaCaterpillar]

Hi Chris

Thanks so much for your reply it is so reassuring to know there are others in the same boat as me.

I was referred for CBT by my doctor but was given computer based therapy and I have to say although it gave a few helpful tips, I Really think I needed to speak to a real person. As that didn't work for me my GP then referred me for some bereavement counselling as he said he thought the root of the problem was with my friends death. It did help to talk but the counsellor wasn't trained in health anxiety specifically so it only took me so far. Perhaps it would help to pay for some proper CBT.

I think your comment about fearing not living more than you fear dying is great and I'm going to try and work with that!

Can I ask what you do when you feel yourself going down a negative thought process to stop yourself? For example, I have been having some pain in my kidney area and I had more or less convinced myself that renal cancer was impossible at my age, however, I have now worked out your father would have only been 36 and I have somehow managed to relate your unfortunate circumstances to my own health!

Sorry if I haven't replied to everything you said, I am typing on my phone so it's hard to look back at your message.

Thanks again

---------- Post added at 22:35 ---------- Previous post was at 22:33 ----------

P.s. I agree with you about posting symptoms not helping, I have a constant struggle and have even given up google for lent in the past!!!

[Fishmanpa]

This is a very simple yet effective tip.

Find a quote or phrase that is inspirational to you. My signature is such a quote. Print it out and put it where you'll be constantly reminded. Make it your wallpaper or screen saver on your computer. Print it out and place it where you'll see it constantly (bathroom mirror, refrigerator etc.). It really works!

Positive thoughts

[cpe1978]

Hi Caterpillar

Sorry didn't mean to set off an anxiety with my father's story. If it is any consolation he was playing five aside football the night before he was diagnosed and then it all went a bit wrong. He didn't have any symptoms though.

The simple reality is that things happen. They don't happen often and the media volume around the times they do is disproportionately loud, but they do. I had a conversation with my CBT therapist about what I would do if my worst fear came true. Well the reality is it would be hideous, but I suspect my resolve would be greater than I imagine it would be.

In terms of what I do, (and I don't do it all that well) I focus on what I can change. So for example if I have a thought, my reflex is to google, self check, ask for reassurance etc. I steadfastly refuse to do all of those things. I sit with my anxiety and if the issue is still there in three weeks I go to the GP.

My circumstance isn't unfortunate, although I dare say it was tough for my dad at the time. But he is 64 now and has had an amazing and healthy life in the main. He is retired in Devon watching a lot of cricket.

The only solution to this beast is within you. You just need to find the catalyst to harness it.

[Leslie735]

I just wanted to thank cpe1978 I loved reading your responses and they really helped me tonight, thank you!!:hugs:

[ParanoiaCaterpillar]

Thanks both, some great ideas for me to try and I think it is helping just talking to others who experience this. As much as my family try and understand, I don't think they can ever really 'get' it.

Please Chris don't worry about setting off my anxiety, I can take the loosest reference and create a mortal illness for myself at least 3 times a day.

I feel like I have a rational side of my brain and an irrational one and that they are in a constant battle for control.

I am going to try very hard to have a day where I do not seek assurance, google or self diagnose using the advice I have been given. Will let you know how I get on!