Bad couple of months and now feeling ill

[Button1]

Hi everyone,

I have been on here alot with my HA and fear of bowel cancer but since becoming pregnant in August 2013, was doing a bit better. Unfortunately I found out at my 20 week scan that my baby was very ill (severe spina bifida) and unlikely to survive birth so we were advised to terminate.

Since then, maybe understandably, I haven't felt great, even though I've been checked out and medically look fine (blood tests taken etc). I've had lower back pain since the termination and have excess wind (burping) with some acid indigestion and pain under my left rib (not constant but there in some way every day). There's nothing else worrying, no blood in my stools etc but obviously I am still concerned. My husband thinks that the strain of the past couple of months (my son was in hospital in December, we moved house just after the termination) is taking it's toll and I am wondering if I am being affected by the high dose of folic acid and prenatal vitamins I am now on?

I'm not sure what I think is wrong with me but obviously anything abdominal worries me. I'm so fed up and sad and just don't want this HA on top of everything else. I am having CBT and my husband and I have been doing really well with the situation but maybe there's underlying stress that's affecting me?

Any opinions would be really welcome.

thanks everyone x

[Althea]

Oh, Button, I'm so sorry; what a difficult thing for you. None of what you describe sounds serious, especially in connection with a recent pregnancy--have you mentioned it to your obstetrician at all to see what s/he things? And I know you say you're doing CBT--have you explored the possibility of depression? That's not uncommon prenatally in the best of situations, and both your hormones and your emotions have been put through a wringer.

Best wishes to you for improvement and comfort.

[Button1]

Althea, thank you. I'm having a telephone consultation on Thursday with my GP. I don't really want to talk about it or have to go back to a surgery or hospital. I just hope she'll tell me it will all go away.

I've been treated for depression in the past and I didn't think that I felt as bad this time. I know my GP would put me back on antidepressants in a heartbeat but as I want to try for another baby in a few months I really don't want to go back down that route again.

I just want to know that I'm physically fine and just be able to get my head down and look forward to the future

[Leslie735]

First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss!!! :hugs: You will be in my prayers today!

To me it sounds like you could be overwhelmed with depression, which I can't blame you with everything you've been through lately. When I'm upset and overwhelmed my stomach messes with me. I go back and forth between constipation and diarrhea and I'll have stomach cramping. It's not abnormal.

[Button1]

It's sad. I am really sad. Whether I'm depressed I don't know. Maybe I am and I just don't realise, I have been told I'm dealing with this "too well". My 18month old really keeps me going though. I just want to make sure that I'm not dying from anything, I need to be around for him.

[Althea]

Of course you're really sad--you're grieving. I think it's okay to wait for a bit to see if the grief moves through its stages, and to wait to seek help for depression if it doesn't seem to be doing so. I think a phone consultation for the physical symptoms is a good plan, too.

Just make sure that you stay honest with your husband and your doctor about what you're feeling as the days go by so that you can consider treatment if it's warranted. Your lovely toddler deserves to have a mother who's getting the care she needs.

[Cags48]

Oh I'm so sorry for what your going through I can't even begin to imagine BIG HUGS

[Idris]

Think about all the major stressors youve gone through in the last 6 months, and then add in massive hormonal changes after pregnancy.

I would be surprised if you didnt feel crap!

Be gentle on yourself, and let some time pass.

Big hug :-)

[Button1]

So you don't think I'm seriously ill then? I'm just living for my son now so I need to be well. I also need to be healthy so I can have another baby, which I so want to do...

[Button1]

So I did some reading this morning and it seems that the high dose of folic acid I'm on is a big cause of digestive issues including indigestion, so it could be this causing some of my issues? The back pain is bothering me a bit more today. I'm so tired of dealing with all of this and being scared all the time. The galling thing is that I actually dealt with real trauma quite well- why can't I beat the stuff that everyone tells me I'm imagining?

[Althea]

They're not as separate as you're making out, I think. Your body is under stress, period, and it's more likely to struggle as a result. What are you doing to relieve your back pain? Sometimes heat can be really soothing, for instance.

I don't know what people are actually telling you, but physical anxiety symptoms aren't imagined--they're real, they can really hurt, and they can be really unpleasant. They just don't mean that you're suffering from an infection or deadly disease. One thing HA can do is magnify your response to them, so that the little bumps and hiccups of daily life become frightening, but that doesn't mean they're not there.

You can ask your doctor about the folic acid at your phone consult, and she can advise you on whether it makes sense to continue. But I also think you'd benefit from finding a way to help yourself with the anxiety, since being scared all the time is really hard on you too. If you don't want to ask for a referral (and I know they can take a while), you might have a look at the online CBT course that gets posted here--it's free, and it might give you some useful tools.

[Button1]

Althea, unfortunately if I want another baby the high dose folic acid is unavoidable- if you've had a spina bifida pregnancy it's the only way of cutting the reaccurance risk. The indigestion itself doesn't bother me, it's very intermittent but as you say, my HA makes me respond to it in a very dramatic way.

As for CBT, I'm on my second round of it now. it hasn't made an enormous amount of difference but I live in hope.