View Full Version : I can't do this anymore... Lonely and upset
I've just had my first intergrative therapy session and I honestly feel useless, lots, confused, alone and upset...
My fiancé knew that I was having therapy tonight but still decided that rugby coaching is more important so I'm alone and feel that I have no one to talk to...
I am distraught, therapy just opened up somewhere I didn't want to go.... She wants me to open the door to me but I can't I'm to scared... But in that I'm scared that I will never ever get better...
I've never felt this low, getting married in April is scaring me beyond belief, life is scaring me to! I feel like I will never get better, never recover and I will feel this awful every day until I die and I can't cope with that...
My anxiety has ruined my life and I just don't know what to do, it's destroyed my way of thinking and taken every positive away from me...
I'm sorry for such a depressing post but I have no one to talk to that would understand :(
Hello fed up, I'm sorry to see you having a bad day :hugs:
Can you find any positives to take from the therapy?
I think it's happened with everyone. You go to seek help and all that ends up happening is the therapist comes in with a big old spoon and stirs up all of the old pent up emotions.
I like to remember that light always follows dark, the sun follows rain ect.
Things will get better for you, they always do :)
I know how you feel about opening up somewhere you don't want to go but actually it's really important. Very painful to begin with but it does get easier. My therapist said that for my whole life I had been running away from an avalanche but it had now caught up with me, hence my breakdown (for want of a better word). I can't tell you how much I have cried in my sessions and it brings up all sorts of painful things but, with your therapists help, it will all fall into place and will answer a lot of questions. Try and stick with it and you will get better. Before, I used to liken it to a filing cabinet that everything had got muddled up in and would spend time trying to sort it out before closing the drawers, but that is only a temporary fix as you really do have to address the core issues. I only wish I had dealt with these problems long ago. I wish you well on your road to recovery. You have so much to look forward to with your wedding coming up! X
I remember many years ago, having my own therapy, the feelings i had afterwards were the same as yours, i felt a whole range of emotions and feelings.
I also remember anxiety taking such a grip of my life that i thought i would never find the "Old Me" ever again.
How wrong i was!!! 23 years anxiety has been in my life, it no longer controls me and i no longer fear it.
You say its destroyed your way of thinking..............you can get that back, they are your thoughts, you own them, they just need altering. The majority of the time as an anx sufferer we beat ourselves up with our own thoughts, you wouldn't allow your best friend to say half the things that you probably tell yourself.
Its not a depressing post but one of desperation, i was there myself.
Those who suffer with anx, depression and any other form of mental illness are the strongest people i know, everyday we have to deal with issues, its a battle... but a battle that can be overcome.
Don't ever feel that you have no-one to talk to, i for one totally understand.
Give your therapy a bit longer and if you feel its not getting you anywhere, then it may not be the right therapy for you.
You can take control and get the "old you" back again. Don't ever lose hope of that. I did it and you can too.
Di :hugs:
You know....
Take solace in the fact that you've come a long way... At least since I've been on the boards. You've been fighting hard and getting beat up by the Dragon. Taking the steps you have to become a certified Dragon Slayer is brave and you should be proud of that.
Therapy is like opening a can of worms and there's bound to be a few that slither down your shirt, give you the willies or make you uncomfortable to the point of tears.
This is just a bad night... ride it out, get some rest and tomorrow is another day. I agree with you that your fiance' should have been there for you. Rugby is just a game.... you're in a scrum far more important. You can tell him fishmanpa said that ;)
Positive thoughts
All your messages have made me cry even more :( in a nice way this time...
I will tell him that fishmanpa... He actually said he can't cope and runs away... Not very helpful but I do understand...
The thing with the therapy is that I'm exploring the deeper side of it and it just confuses me... It makes me realise I'm hiding behind this huge shield..it's difficult :(
I will get there I'm just fed up with feeling this way and the physical symptoms the anxiety brings... X
I just wanted to lend you a :hugs:
Hey fedup.
Sorry to hear you're not coping well at the moment. Try not to let it get you too down, you're not alone in how you feel by any means. I have the same thoughts quite often.
My partner also plays rugby and it always seems to come first, but I guess that's just their little outlet. Or that's what I tell myself anyway!
I always feel upset after leaving my therapy sessions, because it makes me realise what I'm tackling. It's not easy, but it'll hopefully get us there in the end.
Hope you feel better soon. Xx
I've just had my first intergrative therapy session and I honestly feel useless, lots, confused, alone and upset...
You are on the right path with therapy so at least you can exclude uselessness-you're doing your best and it is useful. Maybe it doesn't look that way now but it will soon.
My fiancé knew that I was having therapy tonight but still decided that rugby coaching is more important so I'm alone and feel that I have no one to talk to...
We're all here for you ;)
I am distraught, therapy just opened up somewhere I didn't want to go.... She wants me to open the door to me but I can't I'm to scared... But in that I'm scared that I will never ever get better...
Confronting your fears and things you wanted to forget is never easy, but you're doing the right steps. It's natural to be scared-but with each step completed you'll be less and less scared until you alone fling that door wide open and slay the dragon lurking behind it.
I've never felt this low, getting married in April is scaring me beyond belief, life is scaring me to! I feel like I will never get better, never recover and I will feel this awful every day until I die and I can't cope with that...
First, I think congratulations are in order-may you and your soon-to-be husband have many, many happy years together!
Secondly, try to think logically (I know it's hard, but still)-if you're scared of life, how come you're scared of death too (of deadly diseases). Something doesn't add up, does it? If you feared and disliked like so very much-you wouldn't have HA. You wouldn't care whether disease(s) will kill you or not.
You do like life, believe me, and you, like every other human being, want it to be happy and fulfilled. I know-anxiety can put us into a real hellhole. But remember-there is a way out even of the darkest, scariest hole, and you are perfectly capable of finding it. And you will, believe me. It takes time, it's one bumpy road, but at the end you'll get there.
I'm sorry for such a depressing post but I have no one to talk to that would understand :(
Oh we do, believe me. I'd like to add a little advice at the end-talk to your future husband. He deserves to know. Tell him everything about your anxiety, but also tell him that you're doing your best and working hard to get rid of it. He'll be very supportive, believe me, and it will help you a lot!
Chin up and keep it up! :)
A
FedUp, good job on going into therapy. Therapy is not ever an easy thing but it is necessary to uncover the hidden disappointments, anxieties, and anger that lies within our subconscious.
I remember the first time that I did one on one therapy. There were so many things that my therapist wanted to delve into and believe me, I didn't want to go there. Some of the best work I've ever done was in one on one therapy. It was brutal at times and it became a freeing experience. Give it a chance and take pride in each positive step that you take. You can do this. I know you can and I'm proud of you trying even though you are afraid.
Thanks Tanner, sorry to hear about your dad... That post has inspired me...
My therapist has given me some good tips and I've sat down with my fiancé and gone through it all with him...
It has helped and I need to look as the positives in my life rather than the 30 second dizzy spell I had!
There's a quote and I can't remember what it is but it starts off saying the fear of not living life to the full is worse than.... And I can't remember what it is :(
X
---------- Post added at 23:38 ---------- Previous post was at 23:32 ----------
Got it...
"The fear of not living is greater than the fear of not living at all"
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