cubist
11-02-14, 16:57
I’m very anonymous on this forum so I can feel free to say anything.
My wife has decided that she can no longer take the anxiety/depression I suffer from and would like to split. Clearly this has left me devastated and wondering how the hell I am meant to go forward.
I have been suffering from Anxiety, triggered by depression I believe for nearly 2 years now. I was about to be made redundant when the panic/depression struck and since then I have been unable to shake it. I was also due to get married that year so it was stress on top of stress. I managed to get a new job, just about but couldn't shake the anxiety although the depression had waned slightly. I had Computerised CBT, then Fear Fighter (another form of CCBT) then actual CBT. None of this really worked, I tried anti-depressants three times and they did nothing for me, I couldn't take the surge in anxiety that they caused. Due to the fact that I was suffering and my wife left her job for a new, lower paid one but with better prospects we moved in with her parents when they bought a new house.
One of the main problems I have is separation anxiety, i.e. when my wife and her family went away often for the weekend. Well, due to her Dad’s auntie dying at the beginning of the year she has been away quite a lot up to now. Last November she was due to go away and I panicked and started taking mirt. That was a big mistake, I felt absolutely terrible for the days leading up to her departure and even cut myself a number of times. **Please understand that cutting myself was not a plea for attention, more to relieve the tension inside of me, I didn’t want my wife to see this at all and she didn’t see me cut myself previously** When I was cutting myself, I would use the bluntest of blunt knives and it was very difficult to even break the skin, never mind cut myself.
The past few months have been filled with ultimatums of “you need to get better or we’re over” and general lack of support. Her argument is that she has changed her life for me (she claims to limit the amount of times she goes and sees her friends so as not to leave me on my own for too long etc etc) and that I’m not trying to change my life. I keep trying to explain, I have a mental illness!! If I could just make it go away, then it wouldn’t be a problem would it?!
Well this weekend, she told me she was going away again. I had been making great progress via the CBT sessions I had been attending for the past 2 weeks. I was out walking the dog again and generally enjoying things. However I once again cut my arm. Instead of using the nice blunt knife, I happened to pick up the sharpest knife I have ever had in my life, a little tiny craft knife. I made a very nasty cut in my arm, fortunately just one. I had to go downstairs and get some kitchen roll to tend to the wound, wherein my wife saw it, went hysterical and it all went from there. She said she couldn’t do it anymore, phoned my mum (who lives in the states) and that was it. We have had a couple of conversations since but nothing much. She said (a few weeks ago) that my condition was starting to make her depressed, so I advised that maybe she see someone about this but she flatly refused! Now who’s not making the effort?? I also suggested counselling for either her or us, again she flatly refused.
Before my mental illness started I was very into mountain biking and someone I know had a disastrous accident and is now severely handicapped and cannot even go to the toilet unaided, his wife is his carer. Now that hasn’t happened to me, while I know I probably won’t be exactly same, I was hoping I could be well enough to enjoy life with her and have a relatively normal family life.
Thanks for listening/reading (if you got this far)
My wife has decided that she can no longer take the anxiety/depression I suffer from and would like to split. Clearly this has left me devastated and wondering how the hell I am meant to go forward.
I have been suffering from Anxiety, triggered by depression I believe for nearly 2 years now. I was about to be made redundant when the panic/depression struck and since then I have been unable to shake it. I was also due to get married that year so it was stress on top of stress. I managed to get a new job, just about but couldn't shake the anxiety although the depression had waned slightly. I had Computerised CBT, then Fear Fighter (another form of CCBT) then actual CBT. None of this really worked, I tried anti-depressants three times and they did nothing for me, I couldn't take the surge in anxiety that they caused. Due to the fact that I was suffering and my wife left her job for a new, lower paid one but with better prospects we moved in with her parents when they bought a new house.
One of the main problems I have is separation anxiety, i.e. when my wife and her family went away often for the weekend. Well, due to her Dad’s auntie dying at the beginning of the year she has been away quite a lot up to now. Last November she was due to go away and I panicked and started taking mirt. That was a big mistake, I felt absolutely terrible for the days leading up to her departure and even cut myself a number of times. **Please understand that cutting myself was not a plea for attention, more to relieve the tension inside of me, I didn’t want my wife to see this at all and she didn’t see me cut myself previously** When I was cutting myself, I would use the bluntest of blunt knives and it was very difficult to even break the skin, never mind cut myself.
The past few months have been filled with ultimatums of “you need to get better or we’re over” and general lack of support. Her argument is that she has changed her life for me (she claims to limit the amount of times she goes and sees her friends so as not to leave me on my own for too long etc etc) and that I’m not trying to change my life. I keep trying to explain, I have a mental illness!! If I could just make it go away, then it wouldn’t be a problem would it?!
Well this weekend, she told me she was going away again. I had been making great progress via the CBT sessions I had been attending for the past 2 weeks. I was out walking the dog again and generally enjoying things. However I once again cut my arm. Instead of using the nice blunt knife, I happened to pick up the sharpest knife I have ever had in my life, a little tiny craft knife. I made a very nasty cut in my arm, fortunately just one. I had to go downstairs and get some kitchen roll to tend to the wound, wherein my wife saw it, went hysterical and it all went from there. She said she couldn’t do it anymore, phoned my mum (who lives in the states) and that was it. We have had a couple of conversations since but nothing much. She said (a few weeks ago) that my condition was starting to make her depressed, so I advised that maybe she see someone about this but she flatly refused! Now who’s not making the effort?? I also suggested counselling for either her or us, again she flatly refused.
Before my mental illness started I was very into mountain biking and someone I know had a disastrous accident and is now severely handicapped and cannot even go to the toilet unaided, his wife is his carer. Now that hasn’t happened to me, while I know I probably won’t be exactly same, I was hoping I could be well enough to enjoy life with her and have a relatively normal family life.
Thanks for listening/reading (if you got this far)