earp1001
11-02-14, 18:15
Hi to everybody,
I am new to this forum and new to anxiety. I am 40 years of age and I live in Ireland. 3 months ago I had a health scare and was called for a ct scan of my brain. I got no explanation from the dr. and as a result I started thinking all sorts. I done the worst thing possible and looked online and convinced myself if it was not a brain tumour then it was multiple sclerosis. by the way the reason for the scan was a blind spot in my peripheral vision. this can also be a symptom of MS. anyhow by the time I had my scan I was in a state. the day after I got the all clear I found myself locked in my chair with pure fear. the very next day I felt totally detached and not knowing what was wrong. my dr. who is excellent could not convince me I did not have MS. after a week or two I did finally accept what I was told. at this point I was in a bit of a mess but I refused to give in to whatever it was I was feeling. my dr then told me I was suffering with acute anxiety brought on by the health scare plus other stressful events which had occurred, the loss of my mother five years earlier and the loss of my mother in law who died from cancer at 60. this was a devastating blow. I have always been a worrier but never to a major extent and I was always a calm well ordered person. anyway for the next 6 weeks which took me from October through to December 17 I was showing signs of improving although during this period I was having sleeping problems and had anxiety nearly every day and also irrational thoughts. my thoughts were horrible as I thought I could do harm to my wife and these moved on to suspicious thoughts of my wife. I went to a counsellor and also talk a lot to my cousin who is a psychologist and he reassured me these thoughts are normal in the circumstances. this however has taken a long time to sink in. I have also talked to my wife about these strange thoughts and she has been very supportive and a huge help. I feel awfully guilty about having these thoughts about my wife especially as I know my wife has always been faithful and supportive. before xmas my doctor offered me meds which i refused and the next day I went to the gym and started to run. I was a heavy man weighing almost 18 stone but during the worst 6-8 weeks I lost nearly 1.5 stone in weight, this made the exercise a little easier. the exercise has been the biggest help and as I think back to mid December I was much worse. as I write this I am just over three months in to this and the anxiety and feeling of being on the outside looking in has largely disappeared. I still get background anxiety but it is minor enough and my sleeping has pretty much returned. I do still have the silly thoughts which are mainly about my wife. switching from the do harm to the suspicion. basically I would like to know if anyone else has had the same thoughts and how to deal with them. I feel these thoughts are standing in the way of contentment. I have started to see my counsellor again to work through some issues I have or might have. my doctor has assured me I will make a full recovery but I would like to hear other peoples experiences with what I have been told is circumstantial anxiety. I really look forward to reading some replies and I hope my story will be of some help to others.
I am new to this forum and new to anxiety. I am 40 years of age and I live in Ireland. 3 months ago I had a health scare and was called for a ct scan of my brain. I got no explanation from the dr. and as a result I started thinking all sorts. I done the worst thing possible and looked online and convinced myself if it was not a brain tumour then it was multiple sclerosis. by the way the reason for the scan was a blind spot in my peripheral vision. this can also be a symptom of MS. anyhow by the time I had my scan I was in a state. the day after I got the all clear I found myself locked in my chair with pure fear. the very next day I felt totally detached and not knowing what was wrong. my dr. who is excellent could not convince me I did not have MS. after a week or two I did finally accept what I was told. at this point I was in a bit of a mess but I refused to give in to whatever it was I was feeling. my dr then told me I was suffering with acute anxiety brought on by the health scare plus other stressful events which had occurred, the loss of my mother five years earlier and the loss of my mother in law who died from cancer at 60. this was a devastating blow. I have always been a worrier but never to a major extent and I was always a calm well ordered person. anyway for the next 6 weeks which took me from October through to December 17 I was showing signs of improving although during this period I was having sleeping problems and had anxiety nearly every day and also irrational thoughts. my thoughts were horrible as I thought I could do harm to my wife and these moved on to suspicious thoughts of my wife. I went to a counsellor and also talk a lot to my cousin who is a psychologist and he reassured me these thoughts are normal in the circumstances. this however has taken a long time to sink in. I have also talked to my wife about these strange thoughts and she has been very supportive and a huge help. I feel awfully guilty about having these thoughts about my wife especially as I know my wife has always been faithful and supportive. before xmas my doctor offered me meds which i refused and the next day I went to the gym and started to run. I was a heavy man weighing almost 18 stone but during the worst 6-8 weeks I lost nearly 1.5 stone in weight, this made the exercise a little easier. the exercise has been the biggest help and as I think back to mid December I was much worse. as I write this I am just over three months in to this and the anxiety and feeling of being on the outside looking in has largely disappeared. I still get background anxiety but it is minor enough and my sleeping has pretty much returned. I do still have the silly thoughts which are mainly about my wife. switching from the do harm to the suspicion. basically I would like to know if anyone else has had the same thoughts and how to deal with them. I feel these thoughts are standing in the way of contentment. I have started to see my counsellor again to work through some issues I have or might have. my doctor has assured me I will make a full recovery but I would like to hear other peoples experiences with what I have been told is circumstantial anxiety. I really look forward to reading some replies and I hope my story will be of some help to others.