Penlid
11-02-14, 21:12
I’m going to jump straight in with 2 feet. I’m a 31 year old male and I suffered my first and only ‘full on’ panic attack in September 2011. I’m unsure whether this was just an episode in the decline of my mental health or the catalyst to it.
I’ve always had a bigoted view of depression and anxiety and would always comment on someone else’s ailment with, ‘get a grip’ or ‘just pull yourself together’. Depression? What a queen.
Isn’t Hein site a great thing?
On reflection I’ve always been an anxious individual. For example I’d come over with abject fear if asked to read or answer questions in school. It’s very much the same theme during my work career. In meetings if were to be asked to introduce myself and I’d have the same experience. Uncontrollable fear.
Shortly after the panic attack I’d notice some days I’d feel unwell and I could recall them and remember. This went full circle and I’d notice very few days where I would feel well until I reached a repetitive state of, depression.
I’ve thought about the catalyst for it all, could be my stressful job? Working in a pressurised job and industry? Grinding away in my subconscious?
Psychologically, I recognise I have no actual good emotional feeling towards anything. Getting myself out isn’t a problem, I just don’t get anything back from it. For example I went for a flying lesson recently which you would think would be an exciting experience? Bored driving there, took off, exhale, this is boring, landed. What a bore.
I also find myself feeling unwell when I participate in activities with my children. Bathing them, or playing. I just don’t want to do it. To the extent I feel ‘sick’. When I rationally think about it, I don’t want to do anything else. Because there’s nothing I want to do. At all.
In all I’d say I have no positive emotional feedback in my brain. I can easily slip myself into the beginnings of a panic attack, but I seem to have immunised myself through the first experience and I can bring them under control. It’s strange, they come as waves of fear & nausea but I seem to be able to manage it somehow?
Physically I shake a lot. I’ve got a nice little internal tremor that runs night and day. This can go all the way to a full jelly impression, especially under confrontations or pressurised situations. Sensations of pressure/tightness/overriding ache in the right hemisphere of my head everyday rounds up the full package.
I’ve had mixed opinion when I visit the doctor. Yes its depression, no it doesn’t sound like it etc etc. I had no medical help, other than the few minutes with the doctor.
My question is, can depression manifest itself over such a long period of time? And can it really get so bad it produces physical symptoms, shaking and head pains on top of the psychological issues?
Cheers.
Penlid
I’ve always had a bigoted view of depression and anxiety and would always comment on someone else’s ailment with, ‘get a grip’ or ‘just pull yourself together’. Depression? What a queen.
Isn’t Hein site a great thing?
On reflection I’ve always been an anxious individual. For example I’d come over with abject fear if asked to read or answer questions in school. It’s very much the same theme during my work career. In meetings if were to be asked to introduce myself and I’d have the same experience. Uncontrollable fear.
Shortly after the panic attack I’d notice some days I’d feel unwell and I could recall them and remember. This went full circle and I’d notice very few days where I would feel well until I reached a repetitive state of, depression.
I’ve thought about the catalyst for it all, could be my stressful job? Working in a pressurised job and industry? Grinding away in my subconscious?
Psychologically, I recognise I have no actual good emotional feeling towards anything. Getting myself out isn’t a problem, I just don’t get anything back from it. For example I went for a flying lesson recently which you would think would be an exciting experience? Bored driving there, took off, exhale, this is boring, landed. What a bore.
I also find myself feeling unwell when I participate in activities with my children. Bathing them, or playing. I just don’t want to do it. To the extent I feel ‘sick’. When I rationally think about it, I don’t want to do anything else. Because there’s nothing I want to do. At all.
In all I’d say I have no positive emotional feedback in my brain. I can easily slip myself into the beginnings of a panic attack, but I seem to have immunised myself through the first experience and I can bring them under control. It’s strange, they come as waves of fear & nausea but I seem to be able to manage it somehow?
Physically I shake a lot. I’ve got a nice little internal tremor that runs night and day. This can go all the way to a full jelly impression, especially under confrontations or pressurised situations. Sensations of pressure/tightness/overriding ache in the right hemisphere of my head everyday rounds up the full package.
I’ve had mixed opinion when I visit the doctor. Yes its depression, no it doesn’t sound like it etc etc. I had no medical help, other than the few minutes with the doctor.
My question is, can depression manifest itself over such a long period of time? And can it really get so bad it produces physical symptoms, shaking and head pains on top of the psychological issues?
Cheers.
Penlid