View Full Version : at my lowest
out of hospital now and i just feel so deflated. i have to go back in tomorrow to get a monitor fitted and they said most my symptoms aren't related to the wolff-parkinson white. Why am i living this hell!?
i do my best, start moving forward with my life and getting CBT, medication and exercising and now this. I get assaulted, basically lose my front teeth then lose a close family member and now all this. i'm so down at the minute. All my symptoms are terrible, tonight i feel absolutely AWFUL. pains, rash, tingling, itchy, twitching, unbalanced, aches, vibrating, eye floaters, gurgling, shaking hands/feet, head pains, ear fulness etc. etc. these are 24/7. These aren't mild symptoms that are going on they're very obvious and not normal things i'm paying attention to, believe me.
Now my whole plan is out the window i can't exercise as i have an underlying heart condition, i feel absolutely DREADFUL with everything going on in my body and a diagnosis is no closer for my symptoms. Why is this happening to me!? why is my body in constant torment and why can't i get a diagnosis. I feel like i'm dying seriously. I hate my life at the moment. :weep: :weep: :weep:
HealthAnxiety12
11-02-14, 23:17
I'm so sorry, mrdave. It sounds like you're going through utter hell and I wish that there was something that I could do to help you. Are the doctors still saying that most of your problems are due to anxiety?
they've ran blood tests, done neurological tests, optic nerve exam, chest x rays, heart ECG's etc. picked up my wolff-parkinson white but nothing else. i am SURE i have a brain tumour or MS something is SO wrong with me. i'm sat here crying my eyes out. i'm living in hell at the moment, why me!? why can't they discover what's wrong and at least give me some answers. i feel like the only way i'll find out is by dying and them doing a post mortem. i hate my life. i can't go on like this. this isn't anxiety or stress my symptoms and feelings are CONSTANT, it's hell!!!!!! So sick of this
HealthAnxiety12
11-02-14, 23:36
Again, I am so sorry. Please try to hang in there. Could you afford a private MRI?
Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. All I can say is, hang in there. These feelings will pass and you will get some answers from your tests and monitors, even if it is just excluding some serious things.
i can't afford anything, what is doing this!? seriously. i can't do this anymore. it's so constant
Dave I honestly still think it's something to do with the jaw damage you've had.
I really hope you feel a lot better soon, I'm so sorry your going through this :hugs:
Serenity1990
12-02-14, 00:12
Your symptoms are all over, which literally can't be MS unless you'd had it for a long time. Also with symptoms all over like that your doctors would have picked it up in their exams.
I'm no doctor, but I did recently go through a three week wait to rule out a brain tumour so I know a little bit about them from doctors. The only symptom you've listed which could be caused by a brain tumour is the head pains. However these are the last indication of a tumour, you'd have been having severe symptoms (other than those you've mentioned) for months if not years before now.
I can't tell you what's wrong as I'm not a doctor. However since I've been suffering with anxiety I've been suffering pretty much all the symptoms you've listed (and more). I've began to come to accept that it's an anxiety thing and that in itself helps. I'm new to all this, but I personally feel this is all just the body's way of telling you it's emotionally and nervously exhausted, in my case from five years of working every hour in the day to further a career, and by the sounds of things in your case recent traumatic events.
My plan is to listen to my body and give it the rest it's crying out for, attending counselling etc but most importantly distracting myself while my nervous system recovers. Try and trust your doctors, I know how hard that is but you can get there!
Dave, Wolff-Parkinson-White can make exercise more complicated, but it generally doesn't rule it out completely. Did your doctors straight out tell you exercise was forbidden, or is it just seeming too hard to figure out the new possibilities right now? I also think that the CBT plan still sounds pretty good--how about making plans for some moderate exercise, like walking, and CBT?
I also can't remember if you've seen a therapist following your assault, but it's worth considering. Your body and your mind can take a while to recover from something like that; give them as much help as you can.
I am SO sorry! I will be praying for you!!!
Hello, sorry you are going through this. I just wanted you to know that I have had horrible, all day all night pshysical symptoms that were caused by anxiety. I felt like I had the worst flu in the world. Everything hurt, my whole body was a mess and I couldn't function. I thought I must have been dying but it was ALL anxiety. It went on for many weeks but eventually I SIS get it under control and it went away. It really is possible to feel that unwell with anxiety.
Don't usually post, but felt I had to. Really feel for you, like a previous poster said, I've been through this kind of thing, where i literally made myself ill with worry, shaking weakness, head pains, heart palps, every symptom you can think of, and it was all anxiety. Our minds are incredibly powerful, and can make us feel all sorts of things. I'm not saying you might have a health condition, but I think with all the tests you've had you can rule out something serious. Why don't you ask your docs for a short course of diazepam, you won't get addicted because they won't give you many. But they relax you and enable you to get your head around the situation.
Ps. you don't have MS, and even if you did it's not a death sentence . I have a close family member with MS and that is not how MS presents. Plus she is still living a full life despite mobility difficulties. She is now 55 and still going strong.
it's so frustrating i finally start picking myself up then something strikes me back down again. so you've had joint pain with anxiety? i don't see how a brain tumour can be ruled out as a lot of my symptoms sound like neuralgia, random cold and hot dots,twitching, eye heaviness, shaking, random pains, itchy feelings etc. my body's just going crazy.
i have diazepam but haven't taken any, i may have one later today if i still feel so awful. i'm very glad your family member is going strong despite her MS diagnosis! i'd consider asking what the presentation of MS is but i don't want to cause any triggers for anyone. i just want to know what's wrong with me and until things are definitely ruled out i can't really accept all this is anxiety/stress cos it's making me feel so rotten 24/7 7 days a week
it's so frustrating i finally start picking myself up then something strikes me back down again. so you've had joint pain with anxiety? i don't see how a brain tumour can be ruled out as a lot of my symptoms sound like neuralgia, random cold and hot dots,twitching, eye heaviness, shaking, random pains, itchy feelings etc. my body's just going crazy.
I'm sincerely sorry if I disturb you or anyone else in the forum, but you really need a shot of reality, and fast. So here we go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-Y67grdpoE
This is how neuralgia looks and feels like. You don't have it. If you had it, you would know, believe me. If you don't believe me-believe this poor lady in the clip.
You passed the neuro exam-you don't have brain tumour either. Period.
I repeat-I understand the problems, I know you're feeling shitty, I know you're frustrated and want answers and your problems to be solved as soon as possible. But regardless of everything-you need to get a grip.
Don't get offended, but your " I started doing good things but something strikes me back" story sounds like a spoiled brat. Stop it. You ARE doing right things-we all told you that, and it's truth. However, we all also told you it's a process that can last for weeks and months. You have to understand that.
Anxiety will strike back-but you need to learn to repel the strikes. You need your fighting spirit back. Don't let the ******* ruin your life-you ruin his instead. I want to be honest with you-there'll be more bad episodes until you're cured. I can promise you that. But dealing with them is an important lesson you need to learn and fast.
And another thing-stop saying you hate life. If you hate life, why do you fear deadly diseases? If you want to die, brain tumour is a pretty certain way to accomplish it, so why bother fearing it? The point is-you don't want to die, you want your old life back. You can have it, but you need to make an effort about it. You started doing that-don't quit. Continue.
thanks Andrash, i understand where you're coming from and appreciate the boot up the backside. i just didn't know anxiety could do all this such as joint pain etc.
I think as someone with anxiety who'd just started feeling better and optimistic, being hospitalised for 3 nights and told you have an underlying heart condition is understandably going to cause a lot of stress and bad feelings. i'm certainly not a spoilt brat, i'm just confused and frightened. i don't hate life, i hate the way my life is right now.
Andrash has hit the nail on the head to be honest, we are all here to support you Dave but you need to meet us all halfway. It works the same when you take medication, you have to meet it half way or else It'll end up making things worse.
You have that strength inside of you to do this, look at what you did when you were getting back to normal. don't give up at this little fall. Trust me, it will get easier the more you notice that little flame inside of you, this wind will never put it out, it'll only grow brighter.
Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons :lac:
Keep going, and try and keep yourself occupied :hugs:
thanks Andrash, i understand where you're coming from and appreciate the boot up the backside. i just didn't know anxiety could do all this such as joint pain etc.
I think as someone with anxiety who'd just started feeling better and optimistic, being hospitalised for 3 nights and told you have an underlying heart condition is understandably going to cause a lot of stress and bad feelings. i'm certainly not a spoilt brat, i'm just confused and frightened. i don't hate life, i hate the way my life is right now.
Totally harmless underlying heart condition aggravated by guess what-stress ;)
Try to do an exercise: start examining the nail of your right thumb. Look at it, and concentrate on it for one minute. Concentrate hardly-don't let your thoughts wander, think solely about the nail. 30 seconds won't pass and you'll feel pain or some strange sensation with the nail. I did this and now I feel pins and needles under that nail. Try, it's fun :)
Anxiety and stress works the same, only much more powerful. Plus, your brain releases hormones that make your muscles, joints and nerves go crazy-hence the large majority of sensations you're experiencing.
Doctors are doing everything to help you, and so are we, and so were you-but you stopped. Don't stop-continue. You hate the way your life is now-well do something about it. :)
Please note that there are many different types of neuralgia. "trigeminal neuralgia" pictured in that video, "peripheral neuralgia" and others are different and affect an individual in different ways.
None of which your have Mr. Dave. I have "peripheral neuralgia" caused by chemotherapy. It affects mostly my feet and at times different areas of my body. Imagine your feet are numb, yet at the same time you're getting ice pick stabbing pains and feeling like you're walking on scrunched up socks all the time. Sometimes I'll get an attack and it affects my upper torso or lower body where it makes wearing clothes painful. That's what I live with daily. Some days are worse than others but it's always there. Add to that RLS and it's quite a picnic! Want some of what I'm having? I assure you it's not hot dogs and hamburgers ;) Fortunately, it's not as horribly awful as what was shown in that video but it can be debilitating at times. I take Gabopentin and Tramadol daily and will for the rest of my life due to this condition.
As Andrash is saying in so many words.... stop the pity party... C'mon Man! What you have is not a death sentence nor is anxiety. These are totally treatable ailments. It's not easy nor is life, but you get out of it what you put into it. Make the best of it you can because this is the only life you get.
Positive thoughts
it's not necessarily a harmless condition, i've been fitted with a monitor and have to go back in for many further tests. I did the nail exercise but couldn't feel anything other than the varying sensations in other parts of my body.
sorry to hear that Fishmanpa, it sounds awful. I get stabbing pains in my joints/face and in other places around my body but not like that. it's not a pity party, i think that's a bit harsh, i was just looking for some support after a particularly difficult period. I think a majority of people on here who were hospitalised for days would be feeling the same way. There's just so many symptoms, i want to get better and i will continue to try that but it is very tough.
HealthAnxiety12
12-02-14, 18:56
I think that some of the other members are being too hard on you, but I also think that what they have to say is legitimate and something that I personally need to reread on a frequent basis. It's extremely difficult not to become self-pitying when you're in constant pain and can't be absolutely sure of the cause. I feel for you.
it's not necessarily a harmless condition.
But I do think you're still responding from being stunned at the news, rather than what the diagnosis actually means, as witness by your previous comment about exercise. And I think you're entitled to have a few days where you're just gobsmacked--I've had diagnoses where I've done the same--but I hope you don't talk yourself into believing what you said in your first reactive and frightened days is necessarily true. It's not necessarily a harmless condition, but it's also not necessarily a harmful one, so leave some room for the possibility of harmlessness.
clover1201
12-02-14, 20:12
WPF can be treated easily with alblation. My friend had it for years without realising it. He was a keen sportsman and just wondered what was happening. He continued to play sports before and after alblation. Have the tests done then see what comes from them, no point in working yourself up about it now as you can't do anything to change it. Read Tanners post from yesterday, it makes sense for us all.
You sound like you have been through a lot, Dave. You are at that stage where you just can't think logically about your health. That stage will pass, and as you get more confident in your health you will regain some of your general confidence. You have had lots of tests and I'm sure something serious would have come to light. I am certain you don't have a brain tumour as you just don't have the symptoms - but I think you know that.
A tired and anxious mind will look for something to fixate on - a feeling, a bump, a lump, a headache. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself for a bit. But then you need to acknowledge that the doctors say you are ok, and what you need to do is go back to working on your anxiety, regardless of how you are feeling.
Hi Dave, you have been through a lot the past few days. So cut yourself a bit of slack. All those symptoms you describe, I have had. Yes aching joints, feeling like I had flu, hot spots,you name it I've had it,
Get Claire Weekes book Self help for your nerves, it explains all the symptoms you are having, and how they are caused. Now as I said before, you might have a health condition, but most of the symptoms you have are caused by panic and anxiety. The more frightened you get, the worse they become. Try to accept and let all the feelings in. Take that Diazepam, write down your thoughts, and see if you can gain some perspective.
I know you are frightened, I've been in your position, and I know that what you are going through is horrible, but things will improve.
thanks for the messages, i understand where you're all coming from it's just so annoying that all these symptoms are 24/7. i'm going to look up the Claire Weekes book. tonight for example i've got new symptoms where i've felt like raindrops are dropping on my hands and they feel wet, then i'll look and they're dry as sticks, the bottom of my foot also feels like it's wobbling which is bizarre. so strange.
i'm going to take a Diazepam soon after i've eaten and try relaxing, i have another root canal in the morning too which is hardly something i'm looking forward to. The brain tumor fear is difficult to shake, one night when i was ill on holiday a voice in my head seemed to tell me i had one and from then i can't shake the fear of that or MS. A lot of my symptoms seem like Lyme Disease too but i don't see how i could possibly have that.
Anxiety symptoms are very misunderstood by some doctors as well which isn't helpful, they just list the box standard, basic symptoms which makes me think the ones i have can't be anxiety and stress, one in hospital told me stress & anxiety doesn't cause joint pain which worsened my worries.
Dave, has fibromyalgia been ruled out? Fibro won't show up on any test including blood work. Anxiety and fibro symptoms are very alike but fibro comes with joint pain also. Been a sufferer of fibro for 12 years and your symptoms sure do sound a heck of a lot like mine. This would certainly explain the joint pain. Look at a fibro site for the 18 pressure points around the body and give it a go, press gently at the trigger points and if you feel pain there's your answer mate. Hope you feel better soon.
BarryM
Hi BarryM, it's never been mentioned in all honesty. My joint pains aren't constant they come and go some days they're there and some days they're not. i had a look and tried pressing them, they felt a bit tender but didn't hurt, if it was fibro would they hurt? my pain seems to be specifically in my fingers and thumbs mainly.
Hi Dave, I have thought the same about myself, MS fear, Brain tumor fear! Lyme disease (not as much fear), and now fibro. I've had many blood tests and MRI scan and lyme test. All came back fine. I too feel like the soles of my feet are about to cramp, sporadic sensations in hands like the water thing. Hands feel like there about the cramp between thumb and forefinger. Weird short aches in various parts of body. Next visit is neurologist. My doctor specifically said she doesn't believe in fibro........!
Dave, it's not a jump out agony pain when you press the pressure point areas just a tender slight discomfort. As for the fingers, yip mines have a lot of discomfort in them and I am always opening / closing fingers to relieve it ( or perhaps now it's became a bit of a habit). Even after 12 years it can be a struggle now and then but acceptance is the key. It's NOT a life threatening illness, just a pain in the ass ( that's about the bloody only place I don't get nagging pain :D ) and can be controlled by meds. I have chosen in recent months to be med free and I think perhaps that, coupled with work related stress is causing the problems of late. Stress will be finished after current contract ends this weekend so will see what affects that has. Chin up mate, I have been low, very low at times but fight through it, I know it's hard, but the sun will shine again and you will feel heaps better. This from a 12 year veteran. Every time it hits I think I can't do this again, but I do, I fight through it and it gets better. I have fibro, anxiety, tennis elbow, golfers elbow (didn't even know that one existed, but it does, and don't even frickin play any of the two :D ) so life can be a bitch sometimes. So I can either accept my hand however shitty it is and play on or I can fold and leave the party. I choose to play on my friend as the game has just begun and there's a lot of game time left, so pull up a chair Dave and I will deal you in.
BarryM
---------- Post added 13-02-14 at 00:02 ---------- Previous post was 12-02-14 at 23:43 ----------
KLP
Acceptance of fibromyalgia is divided among the medical profession. I'm lucky that my doctor does believe. Seems to be that the older medical profession dismiss it while younger GPs accept it. As in my previous post I explained I was diagnosed 12years ago. The way I see it, if it was anything else why doesn't it show on any test, if it was serious I think after 12 years I would now know, I have never been a shirker of hard graft, still hard at it 12 hours a day 6 days a week (although a damn hard struggle these days ) so not looking for sympathy / benefits. I know the pain is there, why on earth would I make it up, so my question to the doctor would be - if it's not fibro then what the hell is it? Keep pestering, keep asking, your entitled to an answer. Things are getting close to a breakthrough with regards causes/ existence of fibro so when that comes it may make a hell of a lot of people's life's easier as they won't have a doctor dismissing its existence and they will get the meds to control it. Would bet there are a few members of this forum that fall into that category, blamed on anxiety etc and denied the proper meds to treat what is actually wrong. Sorry for the vent and long post but it does p*** me off when I hear people's doctors saying they don't believe it exists. Again I ask, if not, what the hell is it then, why the joint pain, tender pressure points etc etc etc and all the other shit that goes with it.
BarryM
i do have a slight discomfort when touching the pressure points mentioned and i also suffer from IBS which may be related. i can't tell whether the discomfort is maybe due to me pressing too hard though but a lot of them certainly feel uncomfortable when i press them. i can imagine it being very frustrating. it's the same with anxiety, so misunderstood by many doctors it's just luck of the draw as to who you get.
that's what frustrates me, when drs say i'm just being hypervigiallant to these pains, they're real pains that are outside the normal aches and pains i get in every day life and can ignore and pass off! if you don't mind me asking, are your fibro symptoms constant? and are the affected areas painful to touch?
Dave,
The joint pain waxes and wanes dependent on how hard I have pushed / done certain things at work. They are there most of the time but I do get the odd day ( very rare) when I don't have niggling pain somewhere. It's when you take a "fibro flare" that the symptoms go haywire, anxiety, increased joint pain, insomnia, acute senses ( smell being my worst within recent flare, can smell Benji the jack Russell in the next street fart from my bedroom :D ) to name but a few. Strange illness but then I think we can all relate to strange symptoms!!!
BarryM
Dexterjames
13-02-14, 11:44
I think your body is just finding it very hard to cope with life at the moment that's why you are having all these pains ,It is the way my life went over the last 2 years i have had Friends die and very stressful things happen the 1st time i was lucky to break through this time its been hell and its very very hard to believe what my doctor is telling me "ANXIETY STRESS" in the most serious forms,On top of this i have my own medical conditions to deal with and fear now of loosening my job its hard Dave and it sucks but i believe we can get through this and CBT or a psychiatrist will help :)
Dave...
You need to read this....
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=149653
Positive thoughts
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