Can anyone relate to this?

[Charlotteee89]

I can't believe that after 10 years of suffering from Social Anxiety, getting better, getting a job, meeting people who've become friends that I'm STILL struggling! :wacko:

Depression is something I'm very concerned about at the moment, I think I've always been mildly depressed but my SAD completely took over & 'covered up' my depressive feelings... Until now. Now that my SAD fears are near enough gone these depressive feelings have been coming to the surface slowly but surely over the last 6 months or so & I think my body & has just gone "That's it!" & I've been suffering from very random, severe, erratic Generalized Anxiety for nearly a week now - Panic attacks included. I've no idea where it's sprung from! :weep: I've been suffering from randoms bouts of nausea & lightheaded-ness on & off since last November when I fainted at work from what I thought was caused by a virus - Not thinking that now! Now that I think about it, it was a severe panic attack & I hadn't even realised as panic attacks by this point were a rare occurrence & I hadn't had one (well a proper full blown one) for over a year. Crikey. :wacko:

I out of nowhere Sunday night, had a full blown panic attack whilst I was trying to fall asleep & omg did it terrify me! Never in my life have I felt so unreal & crazy! I had all sorts of erratic thoughts flying through my head like - I can't cope anymore! I don't want to be here anymore! I've lost the plot! I need to be sectioned! Why do I feel so alone & worthless?!!! What's happening to me! :scared15:

I've been covering up loneliness for so long that it's just finally boiled over I think, now I have no SAD stuff to occupy my mind with. My mind is almost demanding me to think of SOMETHING but I just can't be bothered to think of anything... I ask myself "What do normal people think of throughout the day anyway?" "What IS normal?!" There's nothing that really interests me anymore, I've loss so much motivation for things I had planned 4-5 months ago. :sad: & When I do think of something to think about I obsess over it, once that's over it's like, what next?

Having SAD for many years, not doing anything, rarely going out the house... I ask myself how on earth did I cope? I can't now... I do have friends but I don't see them often or talk to them often, we went out on Sunday to Nando's & I was fine until Sunday night... I tend to feel more anxious at night, almost cocooned in my house, feeling trapped & alone. I went to the doctor's this morning feeling a real sense of derealization & depersonlization whilst in the dad's car. I nearly had a panic attack waiting to be called. The GP was pretty useless - she just gave me leaflet to an IAPT Service in my area to contact - I actually used them a few years ago for my SAD. I'm back to work on Friday as a Sales Assistant & I'm worried how I'm going to cope - I'm getting anxious over the thought of having a panic attack at work - Typical eh?

I assume this is all 'normal' with anxiety? I feel like I'm losing my mind in all honestly. :wacko:

Sorry, for the long essay.. Just needed to get that off my chest!


:)

[Oosh]

Hi

That all sounds like symptoms of being lonely and isolated.
There's only so much time you can fill alone. Then your mind will start to wander and you'll wonder what the point is.

Two things that help me are
1. Podcasts
2. Walking/hiking

For years I'd write things down. I'd go through numerous pads per week.
Then I went on to listening to talk on the radio. You can't pick and choose what it's about.
Eventually I found podcasts. I found people I liked talking about subjects I liked and found hundreds of hours of it. Over time I found this to have a beneficial effect on me. Reason being, why be alone with your own thoughts when you can have the conversation of people you like around you constantly.
When a podcast stops and there is silence I immediately miss it like its company.

If you're isolated and lonely you are in desperate need of company, friendship etc
I found it to have a dramatic effect on my mood. I'd been isolated for so long and anxious about company I didn't see the attraction anymore.
But the bodies wired to need it. Unless you're getting it certain reward systems won't be firing and your body will let you know you need it by feeling low mood.
If you can't immediately get good company you enjoy I found the right podcast to help a lot.

Hiking. Few years back I found a horse track in the country near where I live. It's not particularly long or steep. But it's like a walk down into a valley, up the other side and back again. Takes an hour. Within weeks I was addicted to doing it. I was fitting it in every day somewhere if I could. Because it had such a dramatic effect on my mood. The evenings after I walked I was semi high and found the most mundane telly enjoyable.

These things aren't for everyone. I can understand how you feel. But these two things really helped me when I felt like you describe above.

Hang in there.