allalone
13-02-14, 22:43
I dont actually feel as if I know myself anymore :-( That's the only way to describe it. I am mot happy with past thoughts I've had. Scared about the fact that I am evil and that I'm not an empathetic person. I really want to be kind though. I've had horrible intrusive thoughts before but what is disturbing me is that I am frightened that in the past I've been unkind. I think back to past events and my lack of empathy and sympathy during some events. I was in car when my friend crashed it and I remember nearly laughing...not sure if this was shock or if I am just horrible. I was nice to her afterwards. Then on hearing that a person who id briefly met had committed suicide I was shocked when reading on facebook and sad then I thought it wasn't him and it was like I was disappointed. Although im not sure if I am just making this thought up now. When I read it I cried and wrote a nice message to his wife. I ts like there is a hprrible side to me and I am ashamed. I so want to be good. Im frightened as will go to hell :-( Dont know what to do as can't change past thoughts.