Finding Time For Me

[Tanner40]

Right now, finding time for me is becoming increasingly difficult. Work is stressful and my Father's myriad illnesses are creating additional stress that I need to find "me time" for in order to ramp down the stress levels.

My Father's colon cancer surgery was done on Tuesday and he is still in the hospital. The pathology report came back yesterday and he has mantle cell lymphoma, one of the rarest of the Non-Hodgkin lymphomas. He already has a malignant spinal tumor, a chordoma, another extremely rare cancer. I must say that I couldn't have evn managed to google up all of these diseases together. Sure shows Dr Google doesn't know what he is talking about!

As for work, one of my fellow Managers quit and I was just given all of her employees and her three hospitals to manage, on top of my own. I was told that I was the only Manager capable of handling it all. Incredible lack of sensitivity and empathy, but that seems to be corporate America these days. Do more with less.

So I am struggling with finding a routine and making time for myself. Making time for myself is crucial right now. Making time for posting on here. Making time for journaling. Those two things I am still doing.

I'm having a difficult time finding the time for meditation and for watching things that make me laugh. Crucial components to my recovery. I'm definitely having difficulty finding the time for working on my CBT course online.

Probably part of the problem is my perfectionism. I want to do thirty minutes of meditation, thirty minutes of laughter. I want to spend an hour on my CBT. So if I can't do this, I don't do it at all.

Wow, isn't that just another example of "all or nothing thinking"?so what I'm hearing myself say is that I can somehow find ten minutes for each of these things. And then I will be happy about that and proud of the accomplishment. I won't "should myself or guilt myself" because it wasn't enough.

I'm doing okay but I, obviously could be doing better. I get little episodes of anxiety, little episodes of being dizzy, small moments of panic, but it's all okay. It's perfectly normal with everything I'm going through. I am going to enjoy some moments of my day today.

Just writing this helped me work out some of the issues.

What are you all going to do today to help your anxiety?

[LunaLiuna]

I'm sure it'll get easier tanner, could you not request that another manager be hired? surely they know what's going on with you at the moment and how much stress it's putting on to you.

I can completely relate to the perfectionism, it's always been one of my problems especially when I'm doing things like you mentioned like meditation, yoga or even just drawing.

I've just been out chopping logs for an hour or two, I'm now most likely going to clean up. Keeping myself occupied and active is always a big help in forgetting Mr Anxiety and his many freinds.

Have a good day Tanner, make sure you manage to find a couple of hours for yourself :)

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Good morning, my friend, Tanner,

Wow. You often write things that I feel you pulled right out of my own head! I struggle terribly with perfectionism. It has served me well at certain times and in certain situations, but it has also been my nemesis. And, now that I am learning so much about myself and my thought patterns I definitely can see that some of my "perfectionism" is actually a pattern of "automatic negative thinking"- the "all or nothing" mentality you mentioned.

WELL DONE working that out while writing this thread, and thank you for helping me see it too.

Today's battle plan:
I am heading to the gym with my hubby for some cardio, racquetball (where I am sure to make a complete fool of myself :), and some light weights. After pregnancy, two months of bed rest, and then having the dragon move in- I know that physical activity is helping me regain strength across the board. Also, gives us a couple of hours where the kids are being cared for in the "kids' gym", and then tonight-- we have a REAL date! Going to a French restaurant, have a sitter, even going to put on a sexy dress and heels…..oh, and the restaurant we are going to has a strict "NO DRAGONS ALLOWED" policy. :)

[Fishmanpa]

You're doing great Tanner! Why not delegate 15-20 minutes of each until things even out? That'll save you 30 minutes ;)

So what's the battle plan for your Dad? Are you looking at palliative care at this point? I just found out a long time friend has lung cancer that's metastasized to his spine. He's basically on palliative care to keep the tumors and symptoms at bay. So far it's working and he has some normalcy again in his life.

I told TooMuch earlier... The Dragon is still in my back yard. Finding out about my friend and two others that I know through the cancer boards who had thyroid cancer come up...a side effect of the radiation. Ironic isn't it? You get rads to get rid of one cancer and it can give you another! I'll know more by the end of the day Tuesday then I can take out the hose and put out the Dragon's fire. He's been camping in my backyard long enough.

I've not posted much as my nerves are frazzled and my patience thin. I think you know what I mean...

Concerning the work issue. My boss always puts a ton on my plate and I plod forward and do what I can. It's the only thing I can do and I really don't sweat it. What are they really going to do if you don't/can't accomplish all they've put on your plate? Just do what you can do and do it to the best of your ability. You're only really accountable to yourself.

Keeping you and yours in positive thoughts

[Magic]

1. Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people
2 Thou shalt not be perfect, or even try
3 Though shalt leave things undone that ought to be done
4 Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin
5 Though shalt learn to say "NO"
6 Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network
7 Though shalt switch off and do nothing regularly
8 Though shalt be boring, inelegant, untidy and unattractive at times
9 Though shalt not feel guilty
10 Though shalt not be thine own worst enemy.

Saw this in a magazine just thought it was good
Love to all xx

[Althea]

Tanner, that tough row you're hoeing isn't a short one, is it? But you're still working it beautifully.

Have you looked into intermittent FMLA? I suspect you meet the criteria. That doesn't give you days off from work just because, but it could help you with time during the day for your father.

And if your immediate staff is decent, let them in and let them help. Perfectionists are often very bad at delegating (we can even congratulate ourselves that our resistance to delegating is a strength, and boy, are we wrong!), and now would be a good time for you to develop that skill to its fullest.

Listening to you is amazing, not just because of what you're doing but because of how good you are at articulating the challenges we all present ourselves with. You are very wise.

---------- Post added at 10:18 ---------- Previous post was at 09:55 ----------

And Fishmanpa, I'm sorry you're being haunted right now. I think even those of us who haven't had your health battles face this in our circle as we grow older. My best wishes to your board friends.

[Tanner40]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this thread and then reply. Luna and Too Much, yes, keeping busy is crucial for me too. I just need to make sure that I am not keeping so busy that I don't have time for me, to do the things that are going to keep me sane.
The perfectionism thing has always been a big one for me. It's always served me well in my professional life but it doesn't serve me very well in my personal life. It can sometimes become a big "should festival" on myself. It can keep me from doings things that I want to do but don't think that I will have time to do well enough. Something for me to definitely work on.
And Too Much, your night sounds perfectly wonderful. A date night with magnificent food and an amazing glass of wine sounds like it could cure all that ails me. I hope you and your husband had a wonderful time.

---------- Post added at 14:09 ---------- Previous post was at 13:59 ----------

Fishmanpa, I have thought so much about you on a daily basis, as the hospital, and my Dad's fight brings you to my mind daily. I'm sorry that damn Dragon is camping in your back yard, and breathing smoke down your neck. I most certainly do understand not posting a lot and your patience wearing thin. My patience has been in much the same place. Sometimes, I find myself just wanting to post, "Get the heck over it". I'm praying that on Tuesday you receive the best news possible.
I hate hearing about your friends and their new cancer battles. It sucks that the cure can often become an enemy unto itself. Sometimes it seems that we have a lot to bear, but we have to look for the positive things. Look at all of the good things in your life.

As for my Dad, I don't think we are headed toward palliative care, although I think that's the place to go. One of my brother's is urging Dad to fight the mantle cell lymphoma and to take large doses of chemotherapy. My other brother and I think that it's time for palliative and to enjoy what time he has left, but we will not burden him with our feelings. It is a battle that he will have to fight and only he can make that decision. He is going into a rehab facilitynon Monday for about five days in order to regain his strength and then we have an appointment with his oncologist. I guess we will see how he feels over the next week or so.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up!

---------- Post added at 14:16 ---------- Previous post was at 14:09 ----------

Magic, I love "the new ten commandments". I have broken everyone of them next week. I suppose some type of confession is in order. LOL

Althea, thanks so much for your response. I have applied for FMLA and can take up to two days a week off. Unfortunately my work load does not change. My boss is all business and really does not have a sensitive nor a sympathetic side. I am actually a pretty good delegator and do this regularly. Many of the high level reports that I run and analyze are not allowed to be done by my employees. I will just do what I can do and try not to worry about the rest. That really is all I can do.