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View Full Version : back to square one :/ Periods/Alchohol/weed



Minimoonshine
16-02-14, 14:03
So last year I had a massive breakdown. I have has GAD and depression for over 10 years, mainly health anxiety. Terrified of doctors and hospitals, convinced I had every horrible disease. I managed to avoid having any blood tests my whole life until last year. It was hell, but I got through it. Waiting for those results was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Anyway, my results were fine apart from having high cholesterol. I am now of course obsessed with heart disease :/
I was on Escitalopram for 10 years, but my GP suggested changing to Sertraline, as the former clearly wasnt doing its job. The first month or so with the change-over was horrific. This forum helped me so much when I had all the nasty side effects. I did start to feel much better eventually, able to take on more work (I work freelance). I have some really exciting projects coming up this year.
Now, almost a year later I feel as though I am having a relapse. I was doing so well. I changed my diet, quit smoking etc, but around November I started being 'naughty' again. I guess I felt well enough to take a few risks. Anyway, long story short, I have been feeling really low again, my anxiety symptoms are back and I feel like I could slip back down into the abyss.
I have been reading that alchohol can effect sertraline and I had a couple of glasses of prosecco the other night, so I am guessing maybe that could be making it worse. I also feel as though whenever I get my period, my anxiety comes back again. Does anyone else find this when they come on?
I also confess that I have been smoking weed again. I smoked for about 2 years every day before the breakdown last year, because it really was the only thing that curbed my anxiety and helped me deal with insomnia and aches and pains associated with anxiety. But I quit cold turkey after my breakdown, determined to cut any 'sunstances' out of my life. But of course once you start to feel better and happy again, you feel you can handle stuff. So I started smoking weed again. Not every day, but regularly. I stopped again a few days ago cos i just feel sometimes it hightens my anxiety and I know I shouldnt be having the tobacco.
God, this has turned into way more of a rant than I intented, but there is just so much going on in my head. I have been going to an amazing therapist for 6 months, and I have made some progress, but I am so scared of going backwards again.
Does anyone else ever feel that they are never meant to be happy? Its like no matter what I do, I am just always going to be ill. Just feel so low and anxious and I dont want to ruin my job prospects because I cant face the world again :(

pimli8
18-02-14, 16:06
Hi Minimoonshine! Been lurking on this site for years but have signed up finally just so I could reply to you as I am going through pretty similar things - was on Citalopram for about ten years for panic attacks & general anxiety and recently felt like it's not working for me any more so my Dr has put me on Sertraline 50mg to see if that does any better - three weeks in and not feeling any different (and having some pretty bad side effects) but hoping it'll kick in soon - glad it took a month for you as that means it might change for me soon! Anyway I don't smoke pot myself but I drink too much -I don't binge drink but i'd drink every night if I could at home (which my husband hates) and I reckon this is setting me back as my anxiety is always way worse afterwards. I really reckon the smoking could be why you're feeling like you're slipping again, and like me and my drinking it is setting back all the good work you're doing - like you say when you start feeling 'ok' again it seems normal that you can have bad habits like anyone else, and take the edge of (temporarily) by having a drink or a smoke, but when you're on medication this isn't the case. It's taken me years to come to this realisation but hopefully am grown up enough now at 31 to make a change and realise drink affects my mental health, and I need to cut it down drastically.
Also - as far as periods go mine have a massive effect on my anxiety - even at my best they can send me into 6 days of really low mood, anxiety and palpitations, and if i'm feeling low anyway they can be seriously hard to deal with, and that's before you even get started on the pain!
Anyway, I really hope you're feeling a bit better now -one of the worst things about anxiety is that feeling of 'is this it? this is how i'm going to feel for ever?' and it really isn't -no-one is 'meant' to be unhappy, some of us just have to work harder at it than others. It WILL get better again :)

Minimoonshine
19-02-14, 16:35
Aw hi Pimli.. well you just made me burst into tears! lol That reply means alot. I spend A LOT of time on here, but dont post much, so I know how that feels too.
I guess I know really that its the smoking, but I find it hard to admit to myself. I dont think I could ever say I will never have a spliff again, but I KNOW I need to not rely on it. I havent smoked since last week now and I have been struggling to settle again at night. My dreams are also crazy. I find when I smoke I get such a good sleep and I am not plagued by anxiety dreams as much. But I know it's not the answer, so I am trying to abstain. The medication shoube enough really, but I just sometimes need something extra to give me a break from this. I think we all do from time to time.
A few years ago, before I took up the weed, I was drinking every night and that made me feel terrible. I could have easily turned into an alchoholic if I hadnt forced myself to stop. I actually stopped drinking completely for a few years cos it just made me feel so awful in the end even having one glass of wine! So, I definately think you are right to not go down that road. I think us anxious types just cling desperately to anything that can relieve us, even if we know it's not good for us.
Keep at it with the sertraline, I had an AWFUL time at the start and almost quit them cos my anxiety got even worse and I started feeling so low all the time. The physical side effects were nasty too, but they do get better with time. I have been on them now for about 10 months. I still get globus [throat tightening] quite alot, especially at the moment cos my anxiety is playing up again, but I dont worry so much about it because I know it is not only an anxiety symptom, but also a side effect of the meds.
It is a relief to know I am not the only one with bad periods too. I can pretty much write off a week each month, which is annoying when I am starting to feel better again :/
I hope you start to feel a bit better soon with the meds. In the meantime know you are NOT alone. Lots of big hugs :hugs: xxxxxx

Ingenious
20-02-14, 01:52
Smoking weed when I was younger had massive, massive consequences for my mental health. I know everyone has their own opinion and we all react differently but for me it was an almost silent killer, it just crept up on me over several years and suddenly I was in such an awful place. The danger in my case was smoking it was actually very pleasurable at the time and when stoned I didn't really have much of a care, but that little bubble can and does burst at some point. It was hard to come off it and more importantly to STAY off it - boredom can make you relapse or just the desire for that nice feeling it gives if you feel that life/reality is too harsh.

If it's any help/hope to you, fast forward my life to the present day and there is indeed a life after weed, a pretty amazing one at that. Every single thing you think weed is helping can be fixed another way I promise.

I'm sure you'll turn this around because your words have a lot of hope in them and acknowledgement of what could be causing you some problems. So you have the desire there to help yourself.

Minimoonshine
20-02-14, 12:39
Yeah, its interesting cos I only smoked a little for fun when I was younger. Im now 38 and only really started smoking regularly when I was about 35. I know it does have many benefits health wise, but I also know that it needs to be monitored and regulated in order to have the right effects and taken in the right form. Having it illegally doesnt allow for that. I have addictive personality, and although it isnt technically physically addictive, I have become somewhat addicted to being stoned. I also REALLY shouldnt be smoking it. I quit smoking cigarettes and I dont miss that one bit, but I use tobacco to smoke the weed and I hate that.
I DO have the desire to get better without the help of substances, but sometimes it`s just hard to be strong enough to refuse the high. I will keep trying though. It sure does help having you guys to remind me of the right path :hugs:

WhyWhyWhy
20-02-14, 13:03
Hello :)

I can't comment on the weed as I don't smoke it however regarding periods, oh my god they send me into complete disarray. This month after a few weeks of taking around 1000-1200 mg a day of evening primrose oil this month hasn't been as bad as the last. Last month for almost a week I was tearful and full of doom, it was sheer hell. Maybe worth a try if you can take it with your current meds xx

---------- Post added at 12:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:02 ----------

I too am scared of the doctors, hate having tests of any kind x