I feel like a failure. Everyone else seems to be on the road to recovery but Im stuck

[hangingbasket]

It is one thing after another. How can this be JUST anxiety???

I should start by saying that Im trying my best!!! I have done a group therapy cbt and an online course. I practice adjusting my faulty thinking and am aware of how my thoughts become feelings become actions etc. I practice progressive muscle relaxation. I make time to do fun, distracting things. I've cut out caffiene (and never drink alcohol) I've read health anxiety books and make sure I exercise every day. So what am I doing wrong? Why cant I recover? Why am I still suffering supposed physical anxiety symptoms even when not feeling particularly anxious?

My most recent worry is night sweats. Which seem to be getting worse although I'm still not sure they classify as 'drenching'. Now, you could blame my citalopram for this, it's very common with ssri meds. But I've only had it the last maybe 2 months. I've been on citalopram for 9 months. Obviously I'm thinking lymphoma, but I'm not aware of any swollen nodes (I've checked, but maybe not properly. I cant find any lumps) can lymphoma present itself with ONLY night sweats???

Until just over a week ago I was convinced I had bone cancer. A tumour in my ribs. I've been having right sided rib pain for MONTHS. Doctor thought it was muscular but eventually sent me for a chest xray which came back completely normal and bloods which came back fine apart from slightly high calcium (doctor has said this is likely due to vitamin tablets and need to retake test in a fortnight).

Before that I've been convinced I had bowel cancer, UC, chrons, myeloma, pancreatic cancer, brain tumour, hyperparathyroidism, cervical cancer and many others.

WHY CANT I BEAT HA LIKE EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO????

Im really trying. I'm doing a lot of things right so where am I going wrong???

It's leaving me with no other option than to think maybe there is something physically wrong because I'm just not getting better.

These night sweats... what's that all about???? It cant be the citalopram because I've been on them 9months and only started with the night sweats 2 months ago. If it's lymphoma.. would something have shown up in my bloods (white blood cells were normal?) or on my chest xray?? I've read a lot of lymphoma cases causing suspicious chest xray. Mine was fine? So what the hell is causing the night sweats and rib pain???

I feel so disappointed in myself for not getting better.

[spuder]

Oh dear wish I had answers for u big hugs huni maybe u should go and see ur gp xxxxxxx I know I've not helped but couldn't just view and run I want to help but dunno what to say. Hope you feel better and well soon take care feel free to inbox me for a chat if u wish :hugs: :hugs:

[Worriedwellornot]

Hi Hanging. So sorry you are feeling like u are. I've faced my fears and am waiting for endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy. Been to the cinema to distract myself and am trying not to jump to conclusions. I've got this right rib pain, like you and have dx myself with a host of different deadly diseases all my life. You are doing all the right things. I'm sure if you had something like lymphoma this would show in your bloods or on your xray. Please feel free to message me and we can try to help each other. X

[Andrash]

Hanging,

You ARE beating it, but you've just started. It's not the end, it's not the beginning of the end, but it's the end of the beginning :)

[crystal17]

Hi - you're not on your own believe me! It might seem everyone is beating it but its not true. Just give yourself time ant things may become different.

The only thing that ever works for me is distraction, and having something different to worry about.

[Tanner40]

Hanging Basket, the disappointment that you are feeling is the Dragon trying to beat you down. It sounds as if you are trying so hard and doing so many of the right things. This anxiety didn't just appear overnight. It has taken years to build up inside of you. It is not going to go completely away immediately. The one thing that I don't hear you saying is that you ACCEPT that all of the physical symptoms are anxiety. For me, acceptance has been the key. Not everyone is recovering, and even those of us who are, are not recovering as much or as quickly as we would like

After nine months, maybe citalopram is not the right SSRI for you. Maybe you need a higher dosage. Why not talk with your GP. You are working so hard so maybe it's time to speak with him/her about the medication. All medications work differently for each of us.

One thing for sure, if you beatbyourself up and are disappointed in yourself, thwtnis a sure fire recipe for anxiety to come zooming back. Sit back and cut yourself some slack. Celebrate one small victory a day. Try posting that victory on here daily.

[WhyWhyWhy]

I wish I had all the answers to give you.

I think you are on the road to beating it. You've acknowledged it, you KNOW it's anxiety.

I've focused on so many different illnesses. You make it I've had it. Before I knew health anxiety was even a thing I literally worried myself sick then one day I read an article on HA. Everything just clicked, I wash alone, I wasn't crazy and I probably wasn't dying.

You know that the only thing wrong with you is HA.

Why do you think the side effects of the medication can't show up now? I'm pretty convinced your white blood cell count would show something if there was actually something to worry about.

Massive hugs to you. Don't best yourself up, you are here, you're doing everything you can to recover and I believe you will, keep doing it, it will click one day xx

[GlassPinata]

It's a demon, and it is not going to go easily.
Keep working, and don't give up.
You will conquer it eventually if you keep trying.
Best of luck to you.

[SteveReutov]

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