P R F
19-02-14, 20:31
Hey all,
I know that reading a lot of the posts are helping me calm down, but I wanted to chime in as well on the topic of relationship anxiety.
I do believe there is a deeper "seed" to it all and am working at finding it and healing it for good, but relationship anxiety has lived in me through pretty well all of my relationships from 18 to now (11 years). This includes my current relationship of two years. From the start I was on off with anxiety (also on off with my medication of Citalopram), but only once did it take the turn to spend time apart. IN the last month and half a nose dived into depression with that anxiety on top/hand-in-hand with it. Back on my pills, doing counselling, yoga and really showing myself the love I haven't in far too long.
The logical thing I can SAY out loud and hear and agree with is it is not the relationship, it isn't the guy, it is me. That seems like loading a lot of responsibility on myself, but my head just whirls and whirls so much that these aren't logic...they are obsessions. "He isn't right, it isn't right, why are you even trying, you don't feel it, stop trying to convince yourself." But my heart tells me otherwise over and over again too! I know what we had before this hit...I was ME and was happy.
When I'm around him, on and off, I am just not comfortable. I know time apart would calm this as I would be alone just with me, myself and I. I also know a break-up would give some relief as that's the route I have gone in the past, but there's this part of me (we'll call it my heart) that cries and fights fights fights. I also know even more, different and sadder emotions would come with a break-up too.
Anyone else experience this? I just want to find ways to just 'be" around him right now...any advice? We aren't affectionate right now and he's getting down from all of this too, but still sticking by me.
I know that reading a lot of the posts are helping me calm down, but I wanted to chime in as well on the topic of relationship anxiety.
I do believe there is a deeper "seed" to it all and am working at finding it and healing it for good, but relationship anxiety has lived in me through pretty well all of my relationships from 18 to now (11 years). This includes my current relationship of two years. From the start I was on off with anxiety (also on off with my medication of Citalopram), but only once did it take the turn to spend time apart. IN the last month and half a nose dived into depression with that anxiety on top/hand-in-hand with it. Back on my pills, doing counselling, yoga and really showing myself the love I haven't in far too long.
The logical thing I can SAY out loud and hear and agree with is it is not the relationship, it isn't the guy, it is me. That seems like loading a lot of responsibility on myself, but my head just whirls and whirls so much that these aren't logic...they are obsessions. "He isn't right, it isn't right, why are you even trying, you don't feel it, stop trying to convince yourself." But my heart tells me otherwise over and over again too! I know what we had before this hit...I was ME and was happy.
When I'm around him, on and off, I am just not comfortable. I know time apart would calm this as I would be alone just with me, myself and I. I also know a break-up would give some relief as that's the route I have gone in the past, but there's this part of me (we'll call it my heart) that cries and fights fights fights. I also know even more, different and sadder emotions would come with a break-up too.
Anyone else experience this? I just want to find ways to just 'be" around him right now...any advice? We aren't affectionate right now and he's getting down from all of this too, but still sticking by me.