Help me please. I am so scared

[Dissolved girl]

Hi again

I have posted a few times recently.
I have just had a panic attack after waking.
I was signed off work recently for a week as my anxiety seemed
to have returned. I have now been signed off again after panicking at work at lunch time. The doctor has switched me from 20mg fluoxetine to 100mg zoloft. He gave this to me last time i was signed off but i decided not to switch as i was too scared of the side effects.

Anyway i took my first tablet yesterday, i do feel zombified today and i felt like my vision is off. Plus whenever i stood up i felt dizzy. No panic until tonight. I keep getting a taste in the back of my throat. I assume it might be from tonsil stones which i get occasionally. Anyway every time i taste this taste i start to panic.

I have been trying my best to remain positive but what if i can never beat this? What if i forever panic about this taste? I couldn't live any more. I am so scared. The way i see it is this taste will always be there. I am trying my best to be positive and make myself think that i could cope with it before and it's only now i see it as a 'problem'. I just have very dark thoughts tonight. I keep thinking i will have to kill myself if i cannot get past this.

The doc's think my prozac effects must have worn off hence the sudden anxiety. I don't even mind the panic symptoms. It's the thoughts that come with it. That feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach like all is lost. I just want to burst into tears and i do not want to become phobic of my own throat, my own body. How could anyone live being phobic of something they cannot do anything about?

Please, please help me

[lleksam]

What if, that is the problem, the constant What ifs.

I was told to always change "what ifs" to "so what's"

I know it is hard now but things will get better, you can and will overcome this, think of all the things you used to be scared of when you were little and how now they don't scare you. Humans learn fear and so, you can unlearn it.

You are never without options or support, try to take it one day at a time and not look too far into an imagined future.

[Dissolved girl]

Oh and for the record. This taste in my throat is the thing that set me off in the first place. It was what caused panic in me the first time i was at work. It just happened randomly out of the blue and now it triggers panic attacks. It bothered me the tiniest bit before but no where near to this extent. I was thinking about having a tonsillectomy to get rid of the stones and hopefully the taste but i am worried the taste it just a natural thing and i may not be to do with the stones. I cannot taste it all the time. Just now and again.

---------- Post added at 19:49 ---------- Previous post was at 19:46 ----------

Thank you. I have been trying my best to stay positive but when the panic hits you i find it so hard to remember! I will try and switch the what ifs to the so whats. I have been looking at CBT today. I still have hope, i am just terrified and do not want to die yet

[lleksam]

Oh and for the record. This taste in my throat is the thing that set me off in the first place. It was what caused panic in me the first time i was at work. It just happened randomly out of the blue and now it triggers panic attacks. It bothered me the tiniest bit before but no where near to this extent. I was thinking about having a tonsillectomy to get rid of the stones and hopefully the taste but i am worried the taste it just a natural thing and i may not be to do with the stones. I cannot taste it all the time. Just now and again.

---------- Post added at 19:49 ---------- Previous post was at 19:46 ----------

Thank you. I have been trying my best to stay positive but when the panic hits you i find it so hard to remember! I will try and switch the what ifs to the so whats. I have been looking at CBT today. I still have hope, i am just terrified and do not want to die yet

Panic won't kill you, as horrible as it is.

I would highly recommend CBT, it isn't a quick fix and not always a cure but it can certainly arm you with the tools to make panic totally manageable and reduce its impact on your life.

[Dissolved girl]

I know the panic won't kill me. I just am beginning to feel like i won't be able to continue living like this. I don't want to kill myself but i don't want to feel like this any more. I won't give up just yet anyway

[lleksam]

I know the panic won't kill me. I just am beginning to feel like i won't be able to continue living like this. I don't want to kill myself but i don't want to feel like this any more. I won't give up just yet anyway

I understand, if things feel like their getting out of control please contact someone to help you.

[Dissolved girl]

I just read a few of your posts - how is everything going for you at the moment?

[lleksam]

I just read a few of your posts - how is everything going for you at the moment?

Currently things are ok, I have very little anxiety most of the time and my depression is under control though the side effects from the meds are crappy but better than being depressed.

I have had a rough two years but if I can make it through so can you.