phil6
21-02-14, 14:00
Hi everyone,
I did post a while back saying that I would try and leave my constant searching the Internet and posting for help behind and get on with my life. Well it hasn't been easy... I tried different medications and I am just about on the final week of tailing of my current med as I don't think meds work well for me. I am doing 1-1 CBT, and I still find myself looking and searching for a way out.
I find myself continually going through daily spells of high anxiety and dread, followed by short spells of feeling determined and even well at times. When I am in a more positive mood I can see my reality, which is that I have a good home, a great family, a great pension and no problems.... Sorry if that upsets anyone but it is the truth. Yet I am plagued with anxiety and depression.
Once again today I follow a well beaten path. Waking with my memories of past mornings my churning dread filled stomach starts up. It is this feeling that immediately panics me. I suddenly feel defeated and that I am about to let everyone down. I just cannot think straight, and I can easily slip into despair and self pity. The world feels suddenly dark and frightening.
Should I think this way, or that way, or try not to think at all. It seems that whatever I try to do I am actually just making the situation worse. I always promise myself that I will allow my anxiety to just be there. That I will not try and think my way out of the anxiety and that there is no problem to solve, but this is what I invariably do. It's almost impossible not to.
I am posting this to ask you two simple questions that I already know the answers to really.
1. Can I just drop the subject... I know it feels wrong, even dangerous to just let it go, but should I?
2. Can I really just carry on and do all my normal activities whilst feeling this way? I worry so much that it will get the better of me.
Now I also know this is reassurance seeking but I really cannot seem to pacify my own mind. I really find it very difficult to stop wanting answers. When I feel OK (and I did on Sunday). I really have no "real" problems except my own negative mind. My therapist says things like.... The plan you need is to have no plan. I agree with him and then as soon as the anxiety starts I start looking for ways to feel better. Then as it builds, I feel panic and then feel tha I am adrift without anything to hold on to.
I think this may be very common as I do understand that anxiety is designed to frighten you, to make you do something, to act. But I have real trouble trying distraction to get through these horrible spells, and I do still label anxiety as "bad" but any tips would be gratefully received.
Phil
I did post a while back saying that I would try and leave my constant searching the Internet and posting for help behind and get on with my life. Well it hasn't been easy... I tried different medications and I am just about on the final week of tailing of my current med as I don't think meds work well for me. I am doing 1-1 CBT, and I still find myself looking and searching for a way out.
I find myself continually going through daily spells of high anxiety and dread, followed by short spells of feeling determined and even well at times. When I am in a more positive mood I can see my reality, which is that I have a good home, a great family, a great pension and no problems.... Sorry if that upsets anyone but it is the truth. Yet I am plagued with anxiety and depression.
Once again today I follow a well beaten path. Waking with my memories of past mornings my churning dread filled stomach starts up. It is this feeling that immediately panics me. I suddenly feel defeated and that I am about to let everyone down. I just cannot think straight, and I can easily slip into despair and self pity. The world feels suddenly dark and frightening.
Should I think this way, or that way, or try not to think at all. It seems that whatever I try to do I am actually just making the situation worse. I always promise myself that I will allow my anxiety to just be there. That I will not try and think my way out of the anxiety and that there is no problem to solve, but this is what I invariably do. It's almost impossible not to.
I am posting this to ask you two simple questions that I already know the answers to really.
1. Can I just drop the subject... I know it feels wrong, even dangerous to just let it go, but should I?
2. Can I really just carry on and do all my normal activities whilst feeling this way? I worry so much that it will get the better of me.
Now I also know this is reassurance seeking but I really cannot seem to pacify my own mind. I really find it very difficult to stop wanting answers. When I feel OK (and I did on Sunday). I really have no "real" problems except my own negative mind. My therapist says things like.... The plan you need is to have no plan. I agree with him and then as soon as the anxiety starts I start looking for ways to feel better. Then as it builds, I feel panic and then feel tha I am adrift without anything to hold on to.
I think this may be very common as I do understand that anxiety is designed to frighten you, to make you do something, to act. But I have real trouble trying distraction to get through these horrible spells, and I do still label anxiety as "bad" but any tips would be gratefully received.
Phil