dont drink, boyfriend does, jealously

[nataliewoods88]

hi to anyone reading!!

i am really struggling at the moment. As of about 3 years ago i gave up drinking altogether as i found it a waste of money and it made my anxiety worse. I can be hard at times when im out on a night out and all my friends are drinking and im not as they have this on going energy and i like a dance then im ready for bed about half 1! My boyfriend likes a drink on a night out too and when he drinks he will drink till he is wasted and he loves it. When im with him i dont mind, he becomes more sociable and generally we have a good night.Its when he goes out without me i worry. I worry about him cheating on me with another girl, i worry he will get into a fight, he has woken up in some daft places before. I also feel a great deal of resentment as i am jealous he can leave his anxieties and let go, forget about life and just get drunk. The day he is out of it as he us hungover yet i cant wait to ring him to know he is ok. If there is girls there, which they're usually is i feel very insecure and worried. I realise he needs his lads time and stuff but when it turns into a big night and girls join them i feel sick with worry. He says he doesnt plan on having a hiuge night out it just happens, and it wouldnt bother me as much if he was just with his male friends but when girls come out too id like to be invited along. Its putting a strain on the relationship as he is alot calmer about things and is fine with me having male friends and it hurts when he doesnt feel them same. Any advice?!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!:huh:

[greggs92]

hi to anyone reading!!

i am really struggling at the moment. As of about 3 years ago i gave up drinking altogether as i found it a waste of money and it made my anxiety worse. I can be hard at times when im out on a night out and all my friends are drinking and im not as they have this on going energy and i like a dance then im ready for bed about half 1! My boyfriend likes a drink on a night out too and when he drinks he will drink till he is wasted and he loves it. When im with him i dont mind, he becomes more sociable and generally we have a good night.Its when he goes out without me i worry. I worry about him cheating on me with another girl, i worry he will get into a fight, he has woken up in some daft places before. I also feel a great deal of resentment as i am jealous he can leave his anxieties and let go, forget about life and just get drunk. The day he is out of it as he us hungover yet i cant wait to ring him to know he is ok. If there is girls there, which they're usually is i feel very insecure and worried. I realise he needs his lads time and stuff but when it turns into a big night and girls join them i feel sick with worry. He says he doesnt plan on having a hiuge night out it just happens, and it wouldnt bother me as much if he was just with his male friends but when girls come out too id like to be invited along. Its putting a strain on the relationship as he is alot calmer about things and is fine with me having male friends and it hurts when he doesnt feel them same. Any advice?!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!:huh:

Hi there,

Giving up drinking was one of my holy grail moments in overcoming anxiety, I realized that i was probably missing great nights out, but at the same time I did anything i could to help my anxiety.

I think it's just because your anxious, you're thinking of worst case scenarios and I'm sure you boyfriend wouldn't do anything behind your back.

[Sunflower2]

I have the exact same thing, I don't drink at all and haven't for over a year but I am a student and it can be really annoying when all of your friends are drunk and you want to go home!! My boyfriend drinks and has in the past done some very stupid things while drunk, but I don't worry about him when he goes out too much, because he knows I worry a lot and he makes sure to text me when he does get home. This makes me realise that he is always thinking about me even when he's been drinking and he isn't wanting to be with anyone else other than me! I know it's incredibly difficult to trust someone when you have all these worries but if you find a solution which makes you feel a bit happier then you feel a lot better!

[nataliewoods88]

hey there thanks for replies!! its horrible aint it, can i ask why you dont drink?? both of you? i do trust my boyfriend i just worry he might get TOO drunk and forget he loves me? haha does that make sense? i have quite low confidence with myself. I wish my boyfriend would text me, i may suggest that as a little thing to help :) ive also realised facebook is a giant factor, i saw pics and statuses with him in and in the end he didnt stay out long and it was as big of a night as i thought! Lots of things learned today for me but its incredibly hard to let go of insecurities. x

[swgrl09]

Maybe you can come to an agreement, like you said, if he is going out without you to only have a certain amount of drinks? When my husband goes out without me usually he is driving anyway and can't drink more than a beer or two, but if he is not he tells me how many he plans on having before he leaves.

I also had to work on my own insecurities too and be able to trust him. My big test was his bachelor party this year. I was able to get through it although I was nervous. He had a good time and didn't do anything he knew would hurt me.

[Seth86]

I'd suggest finding someone else as people who go out drinking every week seem to be extremely immature! Drinking alcohol isn't fun it's a depressant people really could do without in their lives and the people who go out drinking every weekend obviously have bigger problems with their mental state than people who have a actually been diagnosed with mental health problems.

If you have discussed with your boyfriend that it makes you worry therefore will increase your anxiety and he still goes out drinking he obviously doesn't care too much about you.

[Sunflower2]

Well I don't drink because I have a very low tolerance which means I get affected by it very quickly before everyone else, and I hate the feeling of not being in control! - typical anxiety sufferer haha. Yeah I understand that, I worry about that too sometimes but in the end it's always ok! You can't dictate how someone else lives their life as they aren't responsible for yours either! And whenever I get really upset, I just send him a text or give him a call and that soon reminds him of me! ;)

[Rennie1989]

I'd suggest finding someone else as people who go out drinking every week seem to be extremely immature!

Erm, no. My husband and I, and many MANY other couples I know, have had stints where we went out once a week for drinks. We're still mature, thoughtful adults. I don't understand why that makes people immature but that's your opinion.


Firstly, a massive well done for giving up the booze!

I'm going to take a different route with advice. You need to learn to trust him. If he does the dirty then you have every right to kick him out onto the curb, but he hasn't. He has a few drinks and has fun with friends. Adults will have a mixed bag of friends, male and female, just because somebody is friends with the opposite sex does not mean that intimacy will follow. If you don't learn to trust him, especially when he has been faithful, it will hurt him.

How often does he go out? If it's multiple times a week then I can understand the worry to an extent. How often do you, as a couple, go out? Why not suggest to him, on some occasions, going out somewhere that does not involve alcohol, like the cinema, visiting museums etc.

[phonoodle]

I am probably like your boyfriend. It sucks. I have bad anxiety and i drink to cope with it. I have an interview tmr and I'm so scared but i have to do it. My girlfriend probably thinks exactly the way you do and she is most likely going to leave me because of it. I went to evaluation today and they said i seem fine but I know im not. freakn sucks. i hate anxiety. hate hate hate!