In bits

[mummyanxious]

I am in pieces. I had such a bad night again last night tossing and turning to wake up again this morning feeling bloated and like I was going to be sick. My upper back is aching and I feel lousy and weak all over. I am certain I have terminal cancer. Probably ovarian, possibly liver.
I was sweating/chills in the night too.
My right lower abdomen is tender and I'm pretty sure I can feel a huge lump. Which doesn't make sense as a month or so ago when I was at the dr he felt my pelvis (from the outside) and didn't say anything (when I went about indigestion).
I don't want to leave my kids. I've been through so much these past few years I deserve some happiness.

---------- Post added at 07:50 ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 ----------

I had clear standard blood tests about two months ago and a clear chest X-ray but I assume they don't show this sort of thing up.

[bingjam]

Hi,
I haven't really got too much advise that can help you but felt really sorry for you when I read it, I think after the scans, examinations and even the routine blood tests would have showed/picked up something if there was something seriously wrong with you.

Also, as horrible as it sounds I know someone who had terminal cancer, spread to his liver.... he was bright yellow, lost loads of weight, his eyes sunk into his head, his belly looked liked he was 9 months pregnant, he couldn't get out if bed cause he was that pooley, he was so weak that even lifting an ARM was such a struggle for him, it was truly horrendous.

So I don't think you have terminal cancer, or even cancer ay that matter, but make sure you go to the doctors and get to the bottom of it, just for your own reassurance,

X
Sending hugs
X

---------- Post added at 08:21 ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 ----------

[QUOTE
My right lower abdomen is tender and I'm pretty sure I can feel a huge lump. Which doesn't make sense as a month or so ago when I was at the dr he felt my pelvis (from the outside) and didn't say anything
QUOTE]


Could you have slept funny to make ur belly sore, also if there was a lump you'd know about it you would say I'm pretty sure....

[mummyanxious]

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it.
I find it hard to accept that someone could be so ill feeling and there not be something wrong. Ive bern on/off quivering like a leaf randomly. like internal shakes thst only i can feel. I've got constant cramping and bloating under my ribs where they part and in my back on the left under my shoulder blade I've got pain now too. It goes up into my armpits at times.
Heart has been my long standing worry. But I'm told that's fine.
Can't wait for the dr to open again tomorrow, this has been hell on earth this weekend.

---------- Post added at 08:24 ---------- Previous post was at 08:23 ----------

My friends keep telling me I've lost weight and my waist under my breasts is very thin now that I can see my rib cage jutting out at the bottom.

[bingjam]

I wake up in the mornings and I feel horrible, I feel like I can't breath properly or that I can't catch a dull breath, I ache and my head feels weird, and my heart really pounds sometimes to which freaks me loads and think I have something wrong.
But I don't get a full nights sleep most nights I get 4 hours which males me feel dreadful,
Do you get enough sleep, are you eating properly.??

I think the worry and the stress has a big role to play with how your are feeling.

I don't know about the internal shakes cause not sure I have ever had that to be honest.

But I do know what it feel like to be really scared of something cause mine was melonoma for a really long time, which I'm just getting out of that fear, but ita now back onto my heart....

Just know that there are a lot of people like us who worry beyond belief over little things, keep us posted when you come back from the doctors tomorrow

X

[Phuzella]

My husband died of liver cancer, if you had that you'd be in a lot worse state believe me. I woke up sweating last night, it was a very mild night I thought.
Are you constipated at all? That can feel like a lump in your lower abdomen.

[mummyanxious]

Thank you for your replies and I'm sorry about your hb Phuzella. I don't mean in offense with my posts.

I was alternating between sweating and feeling cold last night, still am really. My bodily systems are completely out of whack.
I keep getting waves of something in my upper abdomen/chest. I keep thinking maybe digestive but seems too high up. And then I worry about my heart and think maybe its too far down for that. I'm so confused and so upset.
I know the dr will be useless. Every time I've been with the pain in my left armpit they've just said they don't know what it is and left it at that :/ but the pain gets quite bad and I can't go on day to day with it.

[bingjam]

Have you got any other symptoms?
X

[mummyanxious]

I have all sorts of symptoms I wouldn't know where to start. Do you mean any in particular?

I'm sweating again now. And feeling sick.

Just looked at myself in the mirror and I look a horrible plaid colour. My eyes are ok, not yellow but my skin looks awful. I'm terrified.

---------- Post added at 09:22 ---------- Previous post was at 09:21 ----------

I'm worried about pancreatic cancer too. But again in not sure if my chest X-ray may have shown that far down?

[bingjam]

Does plaid me pale??
X

[mummyanxious]

I'm now having to force myself to eat something just so I've got some food inside me. I look rechid. No colour at all.

---------- Post added at 09:51 ---------- Previous post was at 09:50 ----------

Doh that was supposed to say palid.

---------- Post added at 09:51 ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 ----------

Yes very washed out and a little lemony. Maybe just my imagination.

[Phuzella]

No offence taken:) I think all of your symptoms could be caused by anxiety and stress. When my husband was ill,I ended up in hospital with infected excema from head to toe. The mind is a very powerful thing and can cause many physical symptoms, but You need to see the doctor and explain exactly how you feel.
Could you see another doctor in the practise maybe?

[bingjam]

I've just been looking back through posts you have started and your rib pain and things go back to mid last year, in this space of time have you been to the doctor and told him your symptoms.??

Also, your first post was about your divorce, could the divorce be the reason you have been feeling so off??

Yeah I think your mind will make you think you look plaid when intact you proberly look normal colour

[mummyanxious]

I've been to three Phuzilla but they all said didn't know what it was. But the pain is there and gets uncomfortable.

I'm certainly not a normal looking colour bingjam but I know what you mean about thinking you look worse than you do.

My marriage breakdown has taken a lot out if me, especially with the kids to sort as well. I've had counselling on the matter which helped but I find the practical arrangements very stressful.

[bingjam]

Maybe the stress off your marriage has taken it out on you, would also explain your weight loss etc

I'm not a doctor but I'm just trying to help you as you seem really worked up over it all...

I believe you when you mention all your symptoms, cause they really are there, but I think they are minor things and anxiety is turning it all into terminal illnesses

[anthrokid]

The area you are talking about sounds very much like your digestive system (intestines). You'd be surprised how much space they take up! You may just have some IBS which can cause an array of sensations - bloating, swelling, pain (abdomen, back and sometimes even chest discomfort), reflux and nausea.

However, you've also said you've been having night sweats and weakness, as well as feeling lousy in general, which could also be an indicator of a virus (NOTHING SERIOUS, just along the lines of the flu or stomach bug). Any virus, no matter how small, can cause slight fevers which can give you sweats. Check in with your doctor and ask what they think, you could also ask them to test for glandular fever. This is nothing serious, just a flu-like virus that leaves you feeling sick, sore and gives you chills and sweats. It can also cause some inflammation which might explain the abdominal pain. It probably is not this, but it wouldn't hurt asking. They just check it with a general blood test. Again, I will reiterate, THIS IS NOT DANGEROUS OR LIFE THREATENING, just crappy.

And lastly, all of these symptoms could very well just be caused by anxiety, particulalry the exhaustion, aches, pains and sick feelings. Anxiety causes the body to be very tense, which means your muscles are going to be very stiff and sore! Anxiety also uses A LOT of energy, which would also explain your lethargy and exhaustion.

[Phuzella]

My recent symptoms, headache, dizziness, tinnitus, blocked ears, palpitations, pains in liver/pancreas area, weird pain near my navel, achey limbs/joints, few skin rashes, feeling weak and faint etc etc were all caused by anxiety according to doctors. I couldn't believe that as in the past my anxiety was mostly mental symptoms. I've been anxiety free for25 years, but hubby's death, although I coped well, must have caught up with me.
As I accepted anxiety was to blame for me feeling like s**t, the symptoms started to lessen. Although at the moment I can feela bit of adrenaline rising and my ears are ringing like mad :mad:, but it will subside.
Go back to the doc, tell them everything, try to think positive, that sounds so patronising but do try:)

[mummyanxious]

Phuzilla that sounds a lot like me those symptoms. And although my life trigger is different to yours, I coped really well to begin with but my body just seems to not be able to cope at all now and has 'shut down'

Just had a huge panic when I went into the bathroom again and saw how awful I look. I think maybe its just the light making it worse than it is but I look dreadful.

[Phuzella]

Mummy, 2 months ago i nearly convinced myself that my nose was getting bigger:doh: Honestly the mind is soo powerful. I'm 56 years old so more of an age where body parts do wear out a bit, and I have accepted that I'm a worrier :D but I get on with life.
Your life experience and mine are different yes, but yours is no less traumatic than mine, it's your life.
Get out In the fresh air today, bit windyi know but it's a day in our lives that we won't have again, so live it.

[mummyanxious]

Thanks abthrokid im not sure thats what it is as none of my glands hurt or are swollen but i do need to see the gp, even if its to give me some stuff for irritable bowl if thats what it turns out to be.

Thank you all x

[WhyWhyWhy]

Hubby and I both woke up warm today, I had to change out of a onesie and put light pjs on last night. Hubby just got in from the shop and shouted upstairs 'it's so mild out there' so it seems you're not the only one

I hope your day gets better. I'm sure it will do. Mornings for me can be absolutely hell- I wake up in a state. Do some of the guided meditation you were shown the other day xx

[mummyanxious]

I did that meditation last night actually and fell asleep ;) must have worked lol.
It is really good. Just can't do it all day long lol

[Phuzella]

The thing with mindfulness meditation, the more you do it, the more it spills over into everyday life. Makes things seem a wee bit less stressful .

[worriedmummy1]

Hi mummyanxious

I know how you feel. Over Christmas I was convinced I had cancer in every part of my body, I had awful back ache and had convinced myself I had pancreatic cancer. My GP took some bloods and all came back fine. Once I started to relax my back ache want, but when it was there it was painful.

I am now onto my HIV anxiety and am convinced I have it. Our minds are our worst enemies at times and really do awful things to us. xx

[claireypoo]

I had awful pain in my left armpit a few years ago. I found out what it was in the end. Trapped wind. There is a bend in your large bowel under your left ribs called the splenic flexure (the one on the right is called the hepatic flexure) Sometimes air gets trapped there and it feels really, really, painful (mine felt like burning sometimes) and can be felt in the left armpit.

I'm a bit like you at the moment, freaking out about C and getting myself into a right state. I know my stomach is worse because of the terror I am feeling. I also feel sick and bloated. A few weeks back I thought I was jaundiced too. I was screaming at my partner to look at his eyes to check mine were normal. In the end I broke down at my GP. Apparently jaundice is very noticeable my GP described people with jaundice as Simpsons. She said it was massively obvious! X anyway, I don't know if it helps or not but you aren't alone. X

[mummyanxious]

Oh my really clairey? This could be it! It does feel like that and sometimes it feels like its in my arm too? Which naturally screams heart to me. Did you get any treatment for it? Any tips to make it go away?

[tracieann]

Poor mummyanxious I know it's hellish but try to keep calm.the more symptoms you think you have the more you have from what I know of ovarian cancer you are permanently bloated and it dosent go down we all bloat and if we start to panic the toilet trouble stomach trouble starts I have gastritis and have already half diagnosed myself with sinister stuff I've done it many many times I have just had flu but it can't be flu what if it's because my immune.system is bad cos I'm harbouring cancer one fear grows and grows from one lousy thought and how great I can reason with you but can't sort myself out that's shifty HA try to relax seeing doc soon God bless

[mummyanxious]

I'm getting into a tizz again now. I'm convinced I have symptoms of a female heart attack. I keep going hot and then shivery cold, my hands are like ice. I'm pasty and tired. And I keep getting waves of cramping pain in between my breasts where the ribs start to part. Im Nauseous.Is this too low? Oh I can't wait till tomorrow!

[tracieann]

Have u still got your gallbladder

[Anacbn]

Hello,
Feling hotandcold and generally unddr the weather is usually a sign of virus.
The rest ofyour symptoms seem to be signs of anxiety. Have you read the sticky post- I have healthy anxiety, so what am I gonna die?- everytime I feel anxious ( believe me - it has been nearly 5 years now, pretty rough path), I come to this website and read it just to remind me of my real, true illness HEALTH ANXIETY. Not trying to diagnose you with it too, but if you are here now you might have a insight on what it isand what it does to you.
My words of advice? Breath, think positive and be happy.
All the best,

[claireypoo]

Hi, yeah, the splenic flexure can trap wind and the pain is awful. I've had it go down my arm and in my armpit. Burning and cramping. Horrible. Try taking Rennie Deflatine. They really helped me. I once had trapped wind there for months on and off. I felt it move in the end, out of nowhere! It felt like my whole body was being moved. X

[mummyanxious]

No I haven't traciann that's what's bothering me :(

[tracieann]

Just wondered hun it is like Claire's said trapped wind can give u hellish pain but u sound like I did when I started with a virus it's the hot and cold thing you may have the starting vs of a virus try not get yourself into hysterics I know it's hard I do it if it's viral it will pass

[Spondoolicks]

Hi mummyanxious can you not get yourself to a walk in or phone nhs direct for advice. Hope your feeling better soon xx

[mummyanxious]

I have children, I can't just up and out unfortunately. Feeling a little better at the moment, maybe it's passed down. Have had quite a bit of wind down below in part hour.
Got an odd sweet taste in my mouth now though :/

[HoneyLove]

I have children, I can't just up and out unfortunately!

Take them with you for a walk, it will do you all good!

Mummy you're always ignoring advice or giving excuses for why you can't do anything to help yourself, you *need* to do something about it. Sometimes I wonder if you're waiting for it all to sort itself out, without having to put in any effort yourself.

[mummyanxious]

I am trying not to take up time if the walk in HL, its not that simple with two small children in bed. I will go to the dr tomorrow when they are at school.

[Spondoolicks]

Glad to hear your feeling a little better. I know it can be hard to just up and out with small children but NHS direct are good. You can arrange for a callback from a nurse or doctor if your feeling anxious. It may help you sleep better. Good luck at the docs tomorrow xx

[mummyanxious]

I've been hit and miss with them before. Called them once when I had a panic attack and I had a lovely nurse talk to me for a long time. Other times they have been pretty dire.
Can;t get into my gp booking system atm, so can't make an app for tomorrow yet.
Feeling really cold now though. Chilled like I can;t get warm. Other than that and tired I'm feeling a little better. Thanks for your advice.

[unsure_about_this]

Hi

I think it is wise if you worried to get it checked out, does your practice have the option to booked appointments online, as from past experience I have been lucky to be able to see a GP on the day.

I been panicking about my health over the last two years, had tests and scans done all come back fine, however I am still not convince, and start worrying more and more.

---------- Post added at 21:45 ---------- Previous post was at 21:43 ----------

Like others have said you have tests done which would have shown something could be wrong.

[tracieann]

We are all in the same boat regarding our HA and fear whatever our feared disease is we are all sensitive to our own greatest illness symptoms and anxiety is the monster that feeds on our fear it's such a crap way to live it's like existing till another pile of symptoms comes our way in perspective remember the great job you have done so far for your children and keep on not letting it win that's how I do it too keep strong

[anthrokid]

If you have nothing else inflamed or sore then it probably isn't glandular fever, you're right. It very well could be trapped wind, particularly if you have noticed a bit of wind recently. Again, this would fit with IBS which sounds like it fits the general area of yourpain and other symptoms. Nothing serious, just a bit of a pain in the butt and gut!

Funnily enough, regarding the odd sweet taste in your mouth, anxiety causes fluctuations in hormones and chemicals in the body, which can cause different tastes in your mouth. I used to get an awful metallic taste when I had panic attacks frequently!

Hopefully you'll be able to see your doc soon to dicuss it and you'll have more reassurance :)

[Spondoolicks]

I'm not doing so well myself at the moment seem to be going through some weird panic ridden numb, not really here kind of scenario. Get a bit better by the time evening comes. You are doing a good job mummy. Keep it up. I think your probably cold because you have been panicking all day and now you have worn yourself out. I suggest you get yourself into your jimjams and hit the duvet. Try and build some strength for tomorrow. Who knows you may wake up feeling better. Kids back to school tomorrow so you can get some rest. Take care xx

[Althea]

I am trying not to take up time if the walk in HL, its not that simple with two small children in bed. I will go to the dr tomorrow when they are at school.

I may be wrong, but I don't think HL was talking about getting your abdomen looked at--I think she was talking about the fact that you really struggle with anxiety but don't mention much here about getting that treated. Have you asked for a referral, or tried the CBT4panic online material available for free? Can't ask for cheaper than that, and it's available whenever it suits you!

[mummyanxious]

OK. Well I have the Claire Weekes books, another book, I have tried meds in past but didn't like them. I have had counselling, CBT. Meditation and relaxation. I may very well this time try the free online CBT. I have got a mindfulness CD which I keep meaning to listen to but there's always someone around. I don't get a lot of time by myself totally.

Just been to sleep and now wide awake as I woke up feeling like I couldn't breath as I felt so bloated. I've no idea what's going on but I ca't seem to lie down without my upper abdomen bloating up. Going to be a long night.

---------- Post added at 00:47 ---------- Previous post was at 00:38 ----------

Now I've got an awful pain under my left ribs. I've no idea how this can't be something very wrong. I can't think what this could be other than something serious. It's like a burning, knawing :(

---------- Post added at 04:43 ---------- Previous post was at 00:47 ----------

Been awake most of the night so far :(

[LeFi_81]

Try to practice the mindfulness method. IF it is only IBS it may really help you. Do not feel alone in your misery. My nerves are picking up every small cramp, spasm or irregularity in my body and as soon as I notice it, it gets worse :scared15: Then I feel extremely anxious but if I meditate it helps me and I feel physically also better. You must be so exhausted and under nourished.

Wishing you a bit of sunshine today!

[tracieann]

Hope you managed to get a bit of rest get to Docs now and let us know tc